to think that Facebook really hurts?

[DorothyL]

Two friends having a "long overdue" catch up, while their boys played...

I used to be included in that when the children were smaller... Now I think I don't get asked because ds has sn and can be a bit difficult

[hollieberrie]

Some sensible comments here. I'm not smug at all about not having FB - I freely admit it wasnt my friends that were the problem it was me . I naturally tend to be a bit insecure & jealous (i try to hide it but it's who i am!) and FB just fed into that and made me anxious and miserable.

[CooPie10]

It really isn't fb, it's the friends you have. If fb wasn't around they probably would still get together and the difference is you wouldn't know. If you don't want to get upset, delete your fb. Either way the friends will still meet up.

[Destinysdaughter]

I've not looked at it now for 4 months as I felt similarly excluded from things. Feel better actually!

[LoisWilkersonsLastNerve]

Last week I was bringing my bin in when a friend was walking past, I invited her in for coffee. She tagged this on fb I did worry other friends might see it and think they had been snubbed. I hate fb.

[jadorecakesnbiscuits]

I found a group of close friends of mine, 2 of which were bridesmaids at my wedding had all been for a meal literally (I kid you not) a 2 minute walk from my house at a restaurant. I had been telling a few of them just days before that I felt quite isolated and alone recently, it would be great to catch up.

Some people are just dicks, you might never know why but please don't let mumsnet thing YABU for being hurt by this sort of thing, I completely understand why you are.

[DorothyL]

I know that BabyGanoush but I'm not stupid, ds never gets invited for playdates, hardly ever to birthday parties, all nothing to do with sn?

[BabyGanoush]

Not being invited to something does not mean it is anything to do with SN.

Lots of people don't get invited to lots of things.

[BabyGanoush]

Is there a support network (formal/informal) for you?

[DorothyL]

Maybe because with a child with sn I hit difficulties at every turn.

[BabyGanoush]

Agree with Ziggy.

Goodness, you could make it a life time's work feeling left out, insulted, hurt and upset ...

So two people met up, they did not invite you, or their sisters(they are hurt at being left out), or their neighbour (even though she is a really good friend!) or Emma (she would have loved to come) or Lucy (left out again, why?) or Oscar (" is it because I am a bloke?"....

Really, how can you go through life being so sensitive

[LagunaBubbles]

I didnt necessarily mean this thread thebiscuit but Ive seen it before, "I dont need FB because I have real friends, I have a life" kind of thing. What difference does it make - everyone doesnt "need" to have it all, have it if you want, dont if you dont.

[thebiscuitindustry]

there is definitely an element from some on these type of threads of superiority because they dont use it.

I don't think it's that, just that some of us don't like it and have said why.

For some people I think it's the default position that everyone must have FB.

[liz70]

Facebook is a tool, as is the internet in general. You can use it or misuse it as you choose.

[ZiggyFartdust]

Uhhuh. The "too smug for FB" crowd.
Its like any other tool, it's how you use it that matters, not the tool itself.
Its not fbs fault if your friends are dickheads. Its not fbs fault if you feel lonely. It's the people you have chosen to put on there that are the problem.

OP, you're assuming that you weren't invited because of your sons sn. But it's easily as likely that they are just two friends meeting up, when you catch up with an old friend you don't have to invite everyone you used to see together. Have you asked them to meet up, or are you passively waiting to be asked?

[LagunaBubbles]

Try life without it - so much better

For you. Lots people enjoy having FB and dont have any issues or angst like you read on threads here. I couldnt care less who has/doesnt have FB but there is definitely an element from some on these type of threads of superiority because they dont use it.

[Headfulahorlix]

I have a love, hate relationship with FB. I love seeing the interesting careers, arty photos of friends and funny quips. Am bored by selfies and yukky quotes.

I only post happy stuff but hope I don't come across as an idiot!

I use it as a photo diary of interesting days out as I don't print off photos!

[Trills]

I agree with WorraLiberty

[DorothyL]

Norks, will have a look!

[DorothyL]

I'm really bad at saying things to people as I get over emotional.

[NorksAreMessy]

Dorothy, have you found the MNlocal meet-up site?

[runningLou]

Dorothy I really feel for you. I am not on FB. I think it can only enhance any anxiety, insecurity, feelings of isolation or resentment that you project onto the screen. I hate that it is such a facade. I have seen 2 posts on DH's FB that sickened me, one from a friend saying she was having the best mat leave ever when she had texted me that morning saying she was going to be admitted for induction due to complications, one showing my severely anorexic sister in a bridesmaid's dress with comments underneath complimenting her skeletal figure when I knew she had not eaten at all on the day of the wedding. Shudder.
That said, it may well be useful for finding like-minded people or tracking down local SN meet-ups as others have suggested.
If you could have suggested an alternative meet-up that would have been ok for your DS, I would just bite the bullet, reach out to them, suggest it and see what they say. If you meet up and you are chatting face to face you could always say that you'd love to be included from now on. My youngest sis has SN but a lot of people are quite oblivious as to what is/not suitable for SN children so it's a pain but in a sense you can act as your DS's advocate by meeting up with them and showing them that he can easily be included. Good luck with it all.

[DorothyL]

I could have thought of something that might have worked for al the children if they had asked me in the first place! Saying "Dorothy, we'd love to see you and ds but know it's not easy, any ideas how we could make it work?" would have been fine!

[MattDillonsPants]

OP this is shitty. My friend's son has Autism and she found she had to fight tooth and nail to get included in stuff once he hit 5 and wasn't as biddable as he had been.

she then gave up on 90% of her mates and instead she started a special needs meet and play group. She has it on during the hols and it's a pound a family...coffee and cheap biccies on offer and loads of lovely people who understand that all kids are different.

Her NT child has also made new friends through the group.

[thebiscuitindustry]

You say these friends included you when your DS was younger. Maybe you just drifted apart and it's unrelated to your DS? I know it feels hurtful for you but try to put it behind you.

I think you're far more likely to meet likeminded people away from FB.

Away from FB you can easily phone your friends, email them a couple of photos etc. FB is only good for the "round robin" approach where everyone on a list sees the same things about you, and you about them.

[SoThatHappened]

well looking at the bright side....without fb you wouldnt know your frineds were total pricks. now you do!