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AIBU?

To think the answer to are you dressed is yes or no....

43 replies

ApocalypseNowt · 09/02/2016 12:53

...and not "I'm washing my face"

My DH does this all the time and it drives me to distraction.

Example the other day, we were all meant to be leaving the house together (me, dh and dd2) to pick up DD1 from her dance class. 5 mins before we had to set off dh was still in the bathroom, I asked if he was dressed. Answer "I'm washing my face". Argh. Surely it's yes or no? I'm asking a specific question to get specific information.

Another one "Have you seen my phone?" Answer "I'm just packing my bag".

OP posts:

Report

MargotLovedTom · 09/02/2016 13:40

Ignore all errors .

RudeElf · 09/02/2016 13:42

In return, I get "hmm It's the same kitchen he puts in all his houses

I rarely snort at MN but this made me snort!

My dad is the opposite, he will describe kitchens/bathrooms/tiles down to the last detail and how this feature makes them a bastard to fit so you have to do this and then you have to change this and box that in.

I only asked how work was going dad!

RudeElf · 09/02/2016 13:42

On the plus side it means i know what styles of X/Y/Z to avoid!

Susandeath · 09/02/2016 13:48

Yes, my husband and kids do this too, if I remember I say beforehand 'it's a yes or no question', more often than not I interrupt their waffle by saying it. Another thing my dh does is not make any plans, so if I want to go out running, I'll organise where when and with who, after checking with him if he had any plans. He'll then tell me last minute that he wanted to go. Well tell me when I ask you then and don't say I don't know! Arrgghh!

NewYearSameMe · 09/02/2016 13:50

I think you could change the approach. You asked if he was dressed because you need to know whether he will be leaving with you in 5 minutes. It would have been clearer and less annoying to you if you had stated a fact that didn't require an answer. e.g. I'm going to collect DD in 5 minutes, if you're ready by then you can come with me if you like.

I used to ask H if he would like a drink. He would say "yes", and no further detail. I would say "What would you like?" and he would say "Anything". Now I say "I'm making a green tea, do you want one?"

Seriouslyffs · 09/02/2016 13:50

Flossie
I am going to ask you a question which requires the answer yes, no or I don't know.
Brilliant! I'm going to try that.

Quietlifenotonyournelly · 09/02/2016 14:11

I get your frustration op.

Me: what would you like for dinner?
DH: what are you having?
Me: shit with sugar on it (said sarcastically)
DH: but what are you having?

Me: would you like a coffee?
DH: if you want?
Me: yes or no
DH: if you want

Aargh!

It's infuriating never getting a straight answer.

ApocalypseNowt · 09/02/2016 14:24

Flossie I am going to ask you a question which requires the answer yes, no or I don't know.

Am going to try this. Yes. Think it could work....

mrsmortis That depends on if you are really asking 'Are you dressed?' or if you really mean 'Are you ready?'. If it's the latter, then his answer is perfectly reasonable.

No. It is not reasonable. If i asked if he was ready he would also answer "I'm washing my face". I still don't know if he's ready or likely to be in the near future. A reasonable answer is yes or no. Yes. Or. No.

I've tried the "I will be leaving in 5 mins, if you're ready you can come with me" approach. He gets in a big huff and is all 'hang on, hang on, i'm ready' while not being ready and crashing round the house in a big pointless and now stressy faff.

TannhauserGate I will let you off cos you said nice things about my name

DH comes from a family of faffers to be fair. There are loads of them. When i accidentally get caught up in a DH family megafaff you can pretty much see steam coming out of my ears....

OP posts:

fredfredgeorgejnrsnr · 09/02/2016 14:33

It's a dumb question - "are you dressed?" It solicits no useful information, about the only reason to use it would be if a 1970's sitcom vicar / boss / rich but prim relative was coming in and the real question you wanted to ask was "Are you dressed appropriately to meet X".

What actual information did you want, if it's are you ready to go - "ask are you ready to go?" Or provide information and an addendum "We're ready to go in 5, will you be too?"

It basically sounds like you're parenting him - telling him the steps he needs to be ready to go - which he replies with information about other steps because you're babying him. Communication failures on both sides, ask clear questions and provide clear information.

ApocalypseNowt · 09/02/2016 14:39

It would solicit lots of useful information if he would answer it properly.

Are you dressed? Yes. ->I know he can be ready to go in 5 mins

Are you dressed? No. -> He will not be ready. I will leave by myself.

If i asked if he was ready or would be ready in 5 mins he would either tell me he's washing his face or say yes, nearly. As his timing is shite (as a pp said 5 mins in DH land is at least 15 in mine) he would not be ready in 5 mins but i'd have no idea of how long he was going to be.

The actual information i wanted to know is if he was dressed.

Anyhoo, that's just one example. He answers like that all the time to yes or no questions.

OP posts:

Theoretician · 09/02/2016 15:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RB68 · 09/02/2016 15:44

I have worked out that DH overthinks answers so he will answer the question he thinks I really want the answer to rather than the one I am asking.

So our convo wld go

are you dressed
I will be 5 minutes

so he thinks my question is really - how much longer will you be when actually I might mean does he want his fav jumper which is in the wash basket to put away/bring up etc

ApocalypseNowt · 09/02/2016 15:48

RB68 we may me married to the same person.

OP posts:

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 09/02/2016 17:16

Ah yes, my lovely boyfriend used to do something similar.

Me: would you like a cup of tea or coffee?
Hoping the answer is either "tea please" or "coffee please"
Him: Mmm, yes please.
Me: is that a tea or a coffee?!

Now, I can sort of see why he'd answer yes to whether he'd like a drink, but just bloody well say which one and stop buggering about

ethelb · 09/02/2016 17:30

Rb68 you have hit the nail on the head. DH tries to guess the 'background' to the question and as a result completely derails the conversation and pisses both me and him off.

And whoever coined the term 'family megafaff', thank you, thank you so much. For finally verbalising an issue that has caused so much anguish but never previously had a name. Thank you again!

Naoko · 09/02/2016 17:34

I do this I'm afraid. But only when someone is nagging me. Because they're not asking if I'm dressed, they want to make sure I'm ready. I know what time we're leaving, I will be ready, please just leave me to it.

ethelb · 09/02/2016 17:39

Whataload yes that too!

Me: do you wants fish or curry for dinner?
DH: yes.
Me: steam comes out of ears.

WeeMadArthur · 09/02/2016 21:13

On the flip side, DH will ask me 'Are you ready?' when I am clearly stood
there in my dressing gown with wet hair he is a genius, that man

His whole family are faffers though , I'm quite good at outward serenity/inward seething now.

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