aibu to be scared and say no thanks but thank you for your offer

[creamponies]

well i have started but will happening during this week unpaid trial in a large company

and i went to visit to see where it was, and time myself from where my bus stop and general noisiness.
I was completley flabbergasted i am am so chuffed to bits. But my mother who has loads of negativity says to me don't get exited, it wont lead to anything, yadda
Couldn't she be a bit nicer to me just for once. I worked my butt off in college and I haven't worked in years

But she is stopping me for being excited for my own good.
so When i looked at the company today i came back completely deflated anyone that work their was in these lovely suits, and the dress code is business attire.
So i went looking at clothes and me being very heavy i am limited to what i could wear. and cost being a factor to however i would try and get some outfits this weekend.

But i suddenly hit me. That i have very little social skills in a office setting. I will be a new girl for a little while i don't want to be an over-sharing my information . I want to be polite, and fit in, and do whatever that is required of me but i am scared of letting them( co workers )seeing the real me.
At this moment i just want to this job so bad and get a good reference of them The idea of saying my name and introducing to people is scaring me at right now i agree with my mother to turn down this opportunity.

[greenfolder]

Smile.
Be friendly
Be on time
Clean neat clothes
Clean shoes
Tidy hair
Carry a small notebook. When you get a moment jot down people's names
Write down what you are asked to do
Ask if you are not sure
Ask for more work as soon as you finish a task
Say thank you to people that have helped you.

Fake it till you make it. It took me years to learn that many people, even the high up ones reckon one day they will get found out for knowing enough!

If this is a worl placement, they will be used to people who have not worked for a while

Just go for it!

[greenfolder]

And one last thing.

If there is an awkward silence, ask the other person about themselves, how long have they worked there? What do they like about it?

And if anyone at all says something negative change the subject pronto or say " I'm really grateful for this experience"

[everybodysang]

I'm a 22 too and I have managed to build up a pretty good wardrobe of business attire. You need a decent pair of black trousers - Debenhams has a good selection of plus size stuff and often has a sale on; or DP is good too. I got lots of mine on eBay.
Then you can buy a few cheap tops - supermarkets excellent for this - keep them plain and you can rotate them until you get a chance to get a few more bits.

Nobody wants to be the new person, it's hard walking in that first day. But you can do it, once you have done the first day you can do the second and so on, and it will get easier and more familiar.

[creamponies]

thanks so much guysx
i wont but i will have to do a shopping spree (my bills will have to wait) i just see how it goesx
I remember doing an interview and my mother drove me saying i wont get it lol and all and she riled me up so much that i made such a mess of it and guess what i did not get it so im going to be blocking that out.

[herethereandeverywhere]

OMG, you have your foot in the door, you've done the difficult bit!

DO NOT TURN THIS DOWN. And whatever your mum's motivations for her view of things, don't listen. One of the toughest lessons I've ever had to learn was that my parents don't always know what's best for me and that sometimes I have to look after my own back and leave them behind.

Take all the advice you can from MN about what to wear/how to look/how to be brave/ how to deal with the tricky stuff. Be as smiley and confident as you can. That and a 'happy to help' attitude go a long way.

[nicepetstone]

Sounds like your mum really needs to undermine you for some reason - but you know that she does it, and you know its about her issues and not so much to do with you - they want you at this new job, congratulations on getting it and soon you'll feel really at home there

[BeaufortBelle]

Creamponies I'm an HR manager at an organisation with about 1000 employees. >>whispers quietly

[SmallestInTheClass]

Don't let you mum decide what you can and can't do. You are a grown up and you can do this. I know you can. Everyone who has ever been to a new school or work has felt just like you. It does take some time to show the real you. If it's any comfort, I now work as a manager and when I get a new member of staff, I always feel a bit nervous about what they'll think of me and whether they will like me. Smile, be nice and polite and ask some questions to show you're interested. I find it can help asking people if they've worked there for long or ask if they live nearby and that often leads on to a bit more chat. What is it about the real you that you don't want them to see? We all put on a bit of a front at work but it's nice to see a bit of the real person too.

[liinyo]

You are already showing a very professional attitude by checking out the dresscode, timing the journey etc. If that is typical of your approach to work they will be lucky to get you Like the others have said, two plain skirts/trousers, two/three tops and a scarf will see you through a week comfortably, so have fun doing a mini spree to prepare yourself.

Smile at people, remember names and (if over sharing is an issue for you), try and restrain yourself for a few days until you get an idea of what is and isn't appropriate there.

Best of luck - if you have time let us know how it goes.

[Maudofallhopefulness]

Don't let your mother get under your skin. You have a great opportunity, don't self sabotage. I know it is easy to do when faced with a daunting new situation. God knows I can talk myself out of doing most things, I know how it feels. Do it, get through it and you'll feel amazing. Prove your mum wrong.

[ChilliSundays]

My parents have never said well done for your new job or how is work and don't get me started on their slagging off of my job roles and/or organisations so I do feel for you with the negativity.

Ignore your mum as the company would not be offering you the chance if they thought you were crap. As others have said if it doesn't lead to a job you have certainly got some very good work experience.

Remember that not everything is as it seems so don't think everything is hunky dory with every single person. People say to me you are always so happy but they don't know I am almost in tears on my way to work

Clothes wise - a couple of skirts or trousers and a few tops. I wear the same pair of shoe everyday

Good luck - you can do it!!!

[Curiocat]

This trial can lead to so much more! Think of all the people that have applied to work there, you are having the opportunity to give a proper impression of yoirself - good for you! Yoir social skills will develop, just have a black skirt/trousers and a few differ tops and alternate. Good luck OP!

[blueturtle6]

Get one good suit that fits well, I like next, then get 5 different tops, wear a different top every day, voila a fab easy wardrobe with no stress. Save money to buy accessories in my experience people notice them more. Smile, look people in the eye, good handshake and repeat name as you meet them.
As for the not oversharing, ask other people questions, most people love being asked about themselves, shows that the questioner is interested in them
Good luck and go for it
PM me if you need some support I've been new girl several times am a pro now

[TwinkleCrinkle]

If you are really nervous maybe have in mind a few easy conversational questions. Ie, how long have you worked here? Etc.
don't worry the unknown often seems scary. Before long I'm sure you'll be wondering what you were so worried about!

[minsmum]

I started a new job this week and was very nervous as I have been at home for 17 years and am quite big too. I got a couple of pairs of black trousers and tops, they are fine. It's great everyone has been very welcoming and friendly. The thing I have found out is that people are nice and it sounds like you are too so it will be a good experience. Just remember to enjoy it

[AdjustableWench]

What I love about working is that it gives me a sense of being good at something, and I need that to feel good about myself. The same thing applied when I was doing unpaid work. It's a confidence boost.

I'm a 20/22 (down from a 26/28) and I found lots of work clothes in Asda and Tesco, as well as Ebay (second hand Ann Harvey worked well for me). It's totally possible to find things that work in a formal environment.

Don't let your mother bring you down. You can do this, and you will probably enjoy it enormously, once you get over the anxiety that absolutely everyone feels in a new job. Go for it!

[ohtheholidays]

You go for it OP,you sound lovely I bet you'll find that you fit in fine.

And with the clothes honestly go and check out some local charity shops,I've bought some lovely clothes from charity shops,some still have the labels on and are the more expensive labels so they wash well and there's never a shortage of all different sizes when I've looked around.

Have a look on ebay as well,you should be able to pick some nice bits up on there,and with your Mum I know it's hard but try to ignore it.
It could be jealousy on your Mum's part,I know people in general wouldn't think that a parent could ever act jealous of they're own child but with mothers and daughters it can happen quite a bit.My Mum could act jealous of me sometimes(my Dad pulled her up on it in the past)and I know I had a couple of friends when I was in secondary school that went through the same.

And Good Luck,I hope you get that job and that you love working there

[AcrossthePond55]

cream my DS2 has a job interview tomorrow after months out of work. He's scared shitless! After research he's not really sure if it's a job that 'fits' him (it looks like it might be a sales position, he's no salesman), but he's looking at it as 'interview experience'.

Just go and do your best.

[Monty27]

Maybe your mum lacks confidence herself and doesn't want to see you fail? Just a thought.

Go for it.

Wishing you the best and I hope it goes very well indeed. I think it will. :)

[TitClash]

Dont turn it down, Just work hard, be nice and polite, you'll be fine. You already got past all the other applicants to get this far.

Enjoy your new job. When you have some money saved get your own place so you're not being put down all the time.

[DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease]

Supermarket for work clothes. Go for it!

[Friendlystories]

Evans still have some stuff in the sale, have a look on the website under sales and offers, what's left is dirt cheap now. Could you just decide to try the job out for one day to start with? Go in with the knowledge that you don't have to go back if it's awful, I think you might be pleasantly surprised. No one will expect you to do much more than say hello, smile and nod to start with, it's terrifying I know but imagine if it goes well, how good you'll feel! If you take it one day at a time it feels less scary and even if it turns out not to be right for you it will feel really good knowing you were brave enough to try. Let us know how you get on, we're all cheering for you

[GreatFuckability]

Amazon sell plus size clothing suitable for work really cheaply and do next delivery. honestly its very normal to be nervous.

[notonyurjellybellynelly]

You come across as a go-getter and that's great. And I would put money on your mum being jealous of you, or you being the person in the family she dumps all her negative feelings on. The reality is that this company wants you to have a trial with them, its because you impressed them at interview - so go for it and ignore your mum and her antics!

As others have said, get yourself a couple of pair of trousers and a few tops, polish your shoes, have a wee grooming session at home - and here's to you!!!!