Married couple having sex in the same room as a teenager - weird family?

[SlobbyGobby]

Thinking about something recently after watching CBB and the housemates cringing that they could hear noises from Jeremy/Stephanie snogging in the bedroom. When I was a young teen, say 13/14, my (9 years older) sister and her husband moved back into the family home as they were in between houses.

For some reason they ended up sharing my bedroom, the bottom bunk bed, whilst I was on the top one . One night I very clearly heard and felt (bed rocking like the clappers) them have sex. They knew I was awake but didn't care. I just lay there with the covers over my head wanting to die. The next morning, they told the rest of the family and it was seen as a massive joke, with my disgust being seen hilarious! I remember being quite upset about it but they still slept in my room for a few more nights afterwards.

AIBU to think that this was disgusting. I have my own DC of a similar age now and I would go apeshit if they were put in that situation.

There was other weird stuff around bodies and sex that went on, as well as mother/stepfather making jokes about their sex life around us.

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

Oh sorry, your sister is 9 years older, still abusive, though

[CecilyP]

The fact that they told everyone makes it sound particularly abusive. Without that you could have given them the benefit of the doubt and thought perhaps they assumed you were asleep (difficult I know in bunk beds). But telling people suggests they got some sort of kick out of knowing you were listening. And normal parents would have been furious with young couple; not found it amusing at all.

[Gobbolino6]

Very grim, however, they were quite young and probably didn't think it through.

How did they know you were awake?

It's very odd that when they told everyone they weren't disgusted.

[twirlywho]

Oh OP I feel for you that is beyond grim.

[AcrossthePond55]

This would have been almost 30 years ago now so attitudes would have been different I suppose.

Nope. Trust me, I was having sex 30 years ago (actually 40 years ago!) and I assure you attitudes towards that sort of thing were, if anything, even more repressive. My ex and I moved home for a few months after we were married (mid '70s) and our sex life was practically nil because we were afraid someone would hear us!

Your sister and BiL's behaviour was vulgar then, and vulgar now. And to actually tell and then laugh about it was borderline abusive, IMHO.

[JackandDiane]

i am pretty sure its an offence now

[JackandDiane]

oh thats if they VIEW the activity, I wonder if hearing it counts, in the same room etc

[AyeAmarok]

Very inappropriate and I agree your parents' reaction was almost as weird.

Out of interest, does anyone know at what ago does it officially start to be considered as abusive to have sex in the same room as your DC?

[SSargassoSea]

Very weird behavior imo - It's the lack of concern for your feelings which is abusive too. Horrid of your DM.

I'm sure you would feel a weight off your shoulders if you talked it through with someone. Please see a counsellor, I kept quiet about stuff that happened when I was young and it will catch up with you eventually, it certainly did with me (50 years after the event!) - don't wait, or try to convince yourself it didn't matter.

[Kryptonite]

OP, that is absolutely disgusting, YADNBU. I have a sister 9 years younger than me, and was with DH when she was 13. So same ages all round as you lot.
No way would that in any way have been appropriate. What they did was all manner of wrong.
Your family's response is just UGH as well!
Wrong all round!

[kawliga]

Agree with everyone that this was wrong and abusive. To me it's worse that there were on the actual same bed (i.e. a bunk bed below) so they knew you could feel the bed shaking. If they were on a different bed across the room at least you wouldn't feel the movement (still abuse, but less insulting and deliberate and in your face). Just awful. It's like you were their prisoner, trapped up there in your bed.

Also talking and laughing about it the next day to rub it in, that makes it worse too.

[Abraid2]

That's horrible, OP. They shouldn't have done that.

[amarmai]

a colleague asked if my dd wd like a sleepover with her dd - i was about to respond when she added that in their house everyone went around naked?? I got my jaw off the floor and stuttered i wd let my dd know- which i did. She said O ! and did not go obv. There are some weird people out there.

[IWillOnlyEatBeans]

My sister and her boyfriend had sex when I was in the room - they were on the floor on a camping mat and I was in my sister's bed! It was when she was a student and I was visiting her at Uni. They thought I was asleep - I hope - and it was never mentioned afterwards.

I would have been about the same age as you - maybe a bit younger.

It was a grim thing for them to do, looking back on it, but I didn't ever feel disgusted or revolted. But maybe because they didn't make it into a big joke the next day at my expense...

[pinkdelight]

Yanbu but am just wondering what happens in,say, China where families commonly have just one room for them all to live/sleep in. Surely it's normsl there for the parents' sex lives to continue somehow, without it being abusive. Not saying it wasn't wrong in your case but some of it must come down to context and it mightn't be abusive in some people's eyes hence why it was laughed off.

[MamaLazarou]

YANBU. I'm sorry you had to go through that: it sounds grim.

[ThirtyNineWeeks]

It's not on, but counselling is a step too far. Simply acknowledging your family are dysfunctional and selfish fuckers is all the 'healing' you need.

[bodenbiscuit]

This was definitely abusive

[Stripyhoglets]

Exposure to inappropriate sexual activity is a child protection issue. Sounds like there was an issue with appropriate sexual boundaries in your childhood home. Would be a safeguarding flag now if you'd ever told anyone. Very unpleasant.

[kawliga]

Yes, it is normal in some cultures to have sex when there are dc asleep in the room (because everyone sleeps in one big room) and it is normal in some cultures for people to walk around naked at home.

BUT. Context is everything. Sleeping on a mat on the other side of the room and having sex while your dc are asleep on a mat on the other side is completely different from having sex with on the lower bunk while your teenage sister is on the upper bunk and you know she's awake and you're just rocking the bed and then laughing at her the next morning.

As for the naked family, the weirdness comes in telling other parents about it and failing to put some clothes on when their dc have guests. I do not keep a naked household, but if I did I wouldn't be telling other parents about it at the school gate and inviting their dc to come to ours and witness our nakedness.

[Birdsgottafly]

""Nope. Trust me, I was having sex 30 years ago (actually 40 years ago!) and I assure you attitudes towards that sort of thing were, if anything, even more repressive.""

The attitudes varied.

Child rearing and some family psychology books took the line that it was a good thing, to have sex with children in the room. They were mainly from the US, though.

I can remember debates about this in the early 80's and it was being defended by 'eminent' professionals.

[AcrossthePond55]

Well, Birds I am in the US (West Coast) and can't think of anyone who would have thought that was OK. But it's a biiiggg country and who knows what those weird East Coast buggers were doing!

[kawliga]

To be fair to the Americans...ahem...I think those family psych books were about how to keep your marriage alive after you have kids. Coz lots of people have the baby sleep in the same room for the first months or even years of its life, and if you decide you can never have sex with the baby in the room that means no sex for months or even years.

[HooseRice]

Ugh YWDNBU

Your OP made me feel queasy.