to want to stop 8-yr-old DD going online at friend's house?

[runningLou]

DD is 8 and has just told me this morning that at a friend's house on Thurs they were looking up stuff on Google/Youtube (e.g. 'boobies', 'people getting undressed') and also her friend has been sending messages to people on her tablet (DD doesn't fully understand this but I assume she meant chatrooms etc). We keep DC fairly well-protected from online stuff - they watch CBBC on iplayer (we have no TV as such) and look up homework topic stuff on Google, mainly with supervision. I think DD's friends' parents must be aware that she can be inappropriate as they were apparently looking this stuff up on her mum's phone as she was banned from her tablet due to using the words 'shit' and 'my mum sucks' on message boards which her parents saw.
Had a little general safety online chat with DD - e.g. if you see anything upsetting you tell a grown-up, you never give out your address/ school you go to etc but feeling a bit out of my depth TBH.
Kind of want to speak to friend's parents but I know I couldn't do this face to face. Is a text too passive-aggressive? Or, should I just accept this as inevitable?? I just didn't think it would start at 8!!!!

[Pandsbear]

Really yes speak to the parents. This happened very recently to my 10 yr old DD at a friend's house. They did see porn. She was distressed. She told me that night but could barely speak for crying. The friend's family did not have any safeguards on the internet usage and the girls had an iPod upstairs.

Parents were horrified and distressed but not with me for telling them.

[Pandsbear]

And I was not as calm as that ^^ message implies (at the time). I was livid.

[blobbityblob]

I agree, educating your own dc is the best way. But I think it's kinder to explain to the parents what you're dd's been saying about her time there rather than just stopping letting her go round. They may not be aware.

I'd just tell them dd has told you they've been looking up inappropriate stuff and are using chat rooms. And see what the reaction is. If it's OMG I had no idea we'll set up some parent protection and ensure any play on there is supervised, all well and good.

If it's "well they do that don't they". It's probably easier to just tell them, well I'd prefer them to play at ours in future then.

IME it doesn't really work if you try and ban them from using devices at other people's houses. It just becomes the forbidden fruit and they're spending the whole time begging to use them. People have different tolerances. Dd had some friends at 8 who were on FB. Fortunately she's not aware because she isn't. She also have some friends who are not allowed any computer/games use at home. I find these very difficult when they come round. Dd is more than happy to play a board game or do some craft with them. But without exception they've been absolutely determined to get on a computer/games console at our house - nothing else will do. So they go home in a huff generally, having been very rude. One even caught sight of dd's password for a game and used it for months at breakfast club at school. She then gave it out to another friend, who also used it for months. It came to a head when the 2nd friend changed it so the 1st one couldn't get on, causing an almighty row. All unbeknown to me. Dd now knows to be very careful with her passwords.

[OzzieFem]

blobbityblob you just stated in your post one of the reasons why it is recommended everyone change their passwords on a regular basis.

[blobbityblob]

Yes a lesson learnt Ozzie. It's a minefield really.

[runningLou]

Thank you all. Spoke to DD's friend's Dad in the playground. He said he was unaware of the problem and said that they had parental controls in place, but he would speak to his DD and 'get to the bottom of it.' I had a text from the Mum later to say that for some reason the controls on DD's friend's tablet didn't extend to YouTube so they had been able to watch some unsuitable videos, but tablet was now confiscated.
I have spoken to DD again about it. Glad I raised it. Thank you.

[Pollyputhtekettleon]

Nice one OP.

[ZanyMobster]

Well done for raising it, it's always difficult to know how people will react but TBH if they are nice people it will always turn out ok.

Youtube is a difficult one, we have sky shield but they can still go on youtube which means the broadband shield doesn't work presumably? Stupidly I thought that it would still block unsuitable content.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

I keep a eye on what my DD access on youtube. My account is logged in on her tablet so I can check what she has been accessing. I've told her, any inappropriate stuff and I confiscate her tablet.

So far, she has as yet not done anything she shouldnt.

[runningLou]

DD has a Kindle and we have set up a Kindle for Kids profile for her where she can only use the apps we choose, which don't include Google search or YouTube. DH has an admin account on her Kindle which has a PIN. Seems to be working so far ...
TBH I think DD was uninterested in looking stuff up but her friend's influence is very powerful.