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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Children's birthday party

24 replies

NZmonkey · 29/01/2016 20:21

Does it really take two parents to take a 4 year old to a birthday party and stay with her for the 2 hours, DP apparently can't go by himself and wants me to go too. I'm on call for work and its 45min out of town. So if I get called we will have to leave the party. AIBU to expect him to take her to the party alone.

Here is the drip feed I'm not her mum just her SM.

OP posts:

Caboodle · 30/01/2016 08:15

Yanbu. Parties are hell and technically you are working. Being SM is irrelevant.

QueenofLouisiana · 30/01/2016 08:19

No he doesn't need you there. But I always hated waiting around at parties on my own (didn't know the parents as I was at work and didn't do school run). YANBU, but I can see his point!

fredfredgeorgejnrsnr · 30/01/2016 08:21

So your DP wants some support in a stressful situation, YANBU to not want to go to a 4 year old birthday party, but that's not why you'd be going, as Caboodle says they're hell, so it's not surprising people need support to get through it and YABU for dismissing that so readily.

MiniCooperLover · 30/01/2016 08:21

We do alternate parties.

ScarlettDarling · 30/01/2016 08:22

No yanbu, he's being ridiculous.

He can take a book or newspaper and read for a couple of hours whilst his daughter has a ball. It's incredibly needy to expect you to come along just to keep him company, esp when you're on call.

fredfredgeorgejnrsnr · 30/01/2016 08:23

(Oh I still think it would be quite silly for you to go, but that depends on really how much support he actually needs, if it's not that much and he just wants to avoid a slightly uncomfortable couple of hours then don't go, if he'd be close to panic at even getting DC over the threshold, then probably go.)

ScarlettDarling · 30/01/2016 08:24

I'm so surprised to see people calling children's parties 'hell'. What's hellish about them? I don't get that at all. ( serious non-goody question. I'm curious)

PagesOfABook · 30/01/2016 08:26

Does he feel awkward talking to the other parents?

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 30/01/2016 08:27

Agree with queen if DH and I are both free we tend to go together. Mainly because at the moment children's party's are a good chunk of the weekend and we wouldn't see each other of we didn't. He has managed to get out of the 2 that are this weekend (though that's due to me giving lifts)

BasinHaircut · 30/01/2016 08:32

I'm sending DH out solo to a kids party with DS for the first time this afternoon. It's a party for his friend's child and he knows a few of the other parents. I don't really know anyone apart from the birthday girl's parents and I've already been to soft play once this week.

I dot think he y wants to go on his own but as it's not going to be much of a social occasion for either of us, it makes sense if one of us stays home and tidies up this dump we are calling home.

I'll take the next party in a couple of weeks.

chanie44 · 30/01/2016 08:34

OH hates doing parties but I enjoy them as its nice to catch up with other parents as i only do the school run once a week.

I remember DS going to his first party in the November of his first year in reception and it was quite awkward as most parents didn't know each other.

Notso · 30/01/2016 08:48

Scarlett the noise and other people's children eating do it for me.

MyBigFatGreekYoghurt · 30/01/2016 08:50

YANBU this is not a 2 person job!!

Quogwinkle · 30/01/2016 08:53

Can't he drop and run? Leave a mobile number with the party parents in case of emergency and then go for a coffee somewhere nearby if he doesn't want to stay? We started doing drop and runs carefully at age 4 if we knew the parents or another parent that we knew well was staying.

starry0ne · 30/01/2016 08:57

I have read many posts on this forum where kids just want a bit of 1 -1 time with there own parent a 45 minutes drive sounds perfect for that...Also if you are on call and need to leave i am assuming you would need to take 2 cars .. sounds crazy

DinosaursRoar · 30/01/2016 08:58

YANBU - but ask him if it's because he's nervous of having to chat to the other parents and hopes if you are there, he can talk to you and not them. If so, he needs to get over this for his DD's sake - if she's in reception, these parents are going to be the ones at parties for the next few years. It seems harder for separated parents, particularly if the mother is friends with the other mums, but a couple of hours of stilted conversation will be worth it in the long run - particuarly if he's not on the school run in the mornings/after school to get to know the other parents.

mintoil · 30/01/2016 09:00

YANBU - is he always so dripping wet?

I agree with starryit's a nice opportunity for him to spend 1:1 time as well. Does he usually require your presence when he has his DC, or is it just the party he feels is too much like wifework for him to endure on his own?

SisterViktorine · 30/01/2016 09:00

Alternate parties here too. I agree they are their own circle of hell though- most particularly your own child's party.

Notso · 30/01/2016 09:28

Yes SisterViktorine and there is no crying off your own kids party!

pilates · 30/01/2016 09:45

YANBU

Tell him to take a book/newspaper and man up!

ZiggyFartdust · 30/01/2016 11:13

So your DP wants some support in a stressful situation

It's a childs birthday party, not a bloody hospital appointment! Of course he's unreasonable.

Original poster

NZmonkey · 30/01/2016 19:04

Yes he doesn't know the other parents so basically wants me there for support. I don't drive so if get called we would all have to leave. DSD is 4 and is both nervous with people she doesnt know and DPs parental agreement says he cant leave DSD with people they don't know. So no drop and run. I just dont think it takes two parents looking after one 4 yr old at a party. I'd prefer to go alone if not on call least that way I could get to know the other parents rather than babysit DP.

OP posts:

Floggingmolly · 30/01/2016 19:11

You don't need your partner for "support" at a 4 year old's party. How does he manage to get through the day?! And as to a pp's assertion that they always go as a couple because kid's parties eat into their together time otherwise...
Your child wouldn't be top of my "must invite again" list.

PagesOfABook · 01/02/2016 21:55

Some people are shy and genuinely feel anxious in these situations - even if that seem ridiculous to some people.

I used to have quiet bad social anxiety - and meeting people in circumstances like these would make me extremely uncomfortable as I just felt very inadequate. I would feel very stressed and feel like I was saying all the wrong things and coming across as weird.

I'm much more at ease now - it's just gradually lessen over the years.

I have sympathy for people who are anxious in social situations and if I think i spot someone feeling like that I try to make them feel welcome,

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