WARNING: incredibly trivial AIBU

[AmberNectarine]

I am currently engaged in the pettiest squabble ever with DH and I am seeking counsel as to whether IABU.

Yesterday DH asked to borrow my headphones at work (we work together), as he had forgotten his. I gave them to him so he could listen to an online presentation or some such.

This morning after dropping kids at breakfast club I went to plug into my iPod and realised my headphones weren't in my bag as usual. No bother, I thought, he'll give them to me at work. I wanted them so I could listen to music at the gym at lunchtime (I find it unbearable without music). I dropped him a text to ask him to leave them on my desk.

Response: they're at home on the dining table - I left them there for you.

AIBU to think if you borrow someone's stuff, you give it back to them personally, or at least tell them where you've left it, rather than leave it somewhere in the house and expect them to apply their psychic powers/divining rod?

He is refusing to apologise for this minor annoyance as he is adamant he is in the right, which is further winding me up.

Told you it was petty!

[PinkPjamas]

YANBU. My ex used to do this. Say 'Can I borrow X' (pen, phone, headphones,insert random handbag-dwelling item), and I'd say yes it's in my bag, then he wouldn't put it back in my bag he'd leave it in the place my handbag was, or on the side, or try to pass me it when I was in the middle of something, busy.

I'd be saying 'FFS please put it back in my bag where you got it from!It's not difficult!'

[Illcya]

lweji great thought

[AmberNectarine]

That is a very good point!

And no, not quite at the end of my rope yet (though he did put a merino jumper in the coloured basket rather than the delicates one yesterday which subsequently got shrunk).

[Lweji]

Ask him if he thinks he'd get away with paying back a bank loan

Good point.

Dear Bank Manager
I left the repayment in my account. Why didn't you ask where it was?
Best regards

[Seeyounearertime]

i think you should beat him about the head with said headphones when you get home.

SkullCandy? SkullCrushers...

[MangoBiscuit]

If you borrow something, you either return it directly to the lender, or you both agree on an alternative hand over. You can't just dump it somewhere and let them know when they ask for it back. Ask him if he thinks he'd get away with paying back a bank loan, or returning library books like that?

YANBU, and your DH has slopey shoulders!

[ricketytickety]

interesting link whoreandpeace, tho op not at end of tether, just mildly bemused I think....

[Vazder]

He is refusing to apologise for this minor annoyance as he is adamant he is in the right

sorry that made me think you were asking for an apology

I'm glad its all sorted anyway.

[AmberNectarine]

I didn't ask for an apology. The immediate response to my 'where are they?' text was 'on the table, you should have asked me'.

That irritated me.

No need to be snide. I'm not 'high-maintenance', just a normal human who occasionally gets ticked off by the inconsequential!

[ricketytickety]

It's good to have humour about this. Humour helps take the edge off what can actually be bloody annoying!

[Vazder]

I must say it wouldn't occur to me to even ask for an apology. But then I am not that high maintenance.

[Lweji]

Well, yes, both. This is the type of thing you apologise immediately for and move on rather quickly.

[AmberNectarine]

Lolz at still sulking - we have actually both been working as well, not just sitting glowering at each other

[AmberNectarine]

Anyway, he has apologised now 'for upsetting you' (subtext, sorry I angered the beast, but it's better than nothing). So we're all good.

[Vazder]

Its actually not that trivial if you are both STILL sulking over it

[AmberNectarine]

vazder I did warn it was trivial, quite clearly!

[Ididnthearanything]

Yanbu. We ahve this issue and it driveth me around the twist.

And I think you are a saint being able to work AND live with your H. And still have affable conversation with him.

[Vazder]

Oh and YABU

this is the kind of thing that you should tut about once then move on.

[Vazder]

YANBU! It is his lack of respect for you here that is worrying.

are you serious?!

Christ. Poor bloke.

[abbsismyhero]

my teenager does this to me swipes my earphones and leaves them in a random place because im a mindreader!

its fucking annoying isn't it!

[tinyterrors]

Yanbu. That would really annoy me. Not so much where he left them/not telling you where he left them but the response when you asked for them. He should have either handed them back to you, left them somewhere you'd see them this morning or told you where he'd put them last night.

When you asked for them he should have at least apologised for leaving them where you wouldn't see them. Nothing huge but a simple "Sorry sweetheart I left them on the dining table" would have been a better reaction from him.

[whoreandpeace]

YANBU! It is his lack of respect for you here that is worrying. He is behaving in an entitled and dismissive fashion. Please don't lend them to him again and explain to him today why he must not expect to borrow them again, since he has not respected your need to have your headphones at the gym when he knows that they give you musical pleasure.

I read this blog post this morning. which actually sums up why behaving respectfully over seemingly small things saves and fosters good relationships between couples and why selfish small acts kill them off.

[AmberNectarine]

howabout that sounds very familiar. We are studiously ignoring each other at present!

janey exactly - less the crime, more the response to it!

[Damselindestress]

YANBU. He knows that you use them at work so he should have given them back to you before or at work. In general, things should be given back to the person they were borrowed from not just left lying around. How were you supposed to know where he put them? I can understand you being a bit annoyed.