To ask any medical minds for an opinion on my thigh...

[Talcumsoul]

I noticed a bruise on my upper inner thigh a couple of days ago. It's about 2 inches by 1 inch. It was really black/ blue. Now green/ yellow. I have no recollection of banging it, and it is on my inner thigh so in an unlikely position for a knock.
But...... this is the hmmmm bit......
I have found a small hard lump just under the epicentre of the bruise. The lump is about the size of two peas but tubular in shape. What is this? How did I get it? Will I die? Painfully?
(Wonders about music for funeral and who will deliver eulogy)
I am 59 and a half, size 14, reasonably healthy in other aspects. Under active thyroid and hiatus hernia excepting.

[blueandgreendots]

Pathologist here, my patients are all dead but I do look at an awful lot of injuries.

You've already had good advice to see how the lump evolves in a week or so. It is probably a haematoma or an area of fat necrosis, which will eventually go of its own accord. HTH

[BumpTheElephant]

I have no medical qualifications whatsoever but it sounds very much like haematoma (I've probably spelled that incorrectly). I've had similar before, it should go away on it's own in a couple of weeks. If it doesn't go to your GP.

[Catsize]

Didn't know spotty cows got moles too. Maybe they're moooooooles.

Hope God spared you in the night OP.

[CallMeExhausted]

I am Irish (by descent) and have moles all over my body. I am a right spotty cow.

So there - it is official.

[WhoTheFuckIsSimon]

Is it true there's no snakes?

[Talcumsoul]

We do our own, Reallybadidea

[reallybadidea]

Ireland doesn't have moles? WTF?! Who makes little hillocks in the lawn for you then?

[Talcumsoul]

Still not buying into the mythology of Irish moles.

[Catsize]

Ireland has moles now. Everyone knows that. How do you think Wicklow got lumpy? Moles. That's how.

[ZiggyFartdust]

lumpy tubey bits can be varicose veins. I have some lovely lumpy tubey bits.

[YouTheCat]

Keloid scarring?

[Talcumsoul]

Oh thanks everyone.
The music will definitely not be classical. No way is any Pachyderm ( word supplied by auto fill) playing around my funeral pyre. It's Northern Soul. ( Check out the user name) I think a bit of a dance round the coffin gets everyone in the mood for a good send off.
Loving a haiku eulogy. My favourite haiku is by John Cooper Clarke. Could I have that as well as a few well crafted words from Exhausted? I saw want to be there with you all. Do I really have to die first?
Look here Catsize. You made that up, didn't you? I know because Ireland doesn't have moles. Green or otherwise.
The bruise has almost faded but my bipeatubular lump remains.
I am writing my will.

[olympicsrock]

Meant to say I agree that it is most likely to be a haematoma.

[olympicsrock]

I am a doctor on mat leave .Lougle' s advice is sound esp regarding the red flags which would need you to go straight to dr. I cannot diagnose for sure without examining it of course but Given the bruising and sudden appearance of the lump it is likely to be related to a knock that you did not remember causing bleeding. In your shoes I would keep an eye on it over a week. If the bruising goes away and the lump is slightky smaller don' t panic. it is likely to go over 4 to 6 weeks . If not then see your GP.

[Gobbolino6]

My DH had a lump under his skin, he was told it was probably a lipoma. They removed it in case it was a sarcoma. It wasn't. There was no bruise.

As you can see, my mind is not medical, despite having worked in the NHS for many years.

[goddessofsmallthings]

I'd love to have a go and my arthritic knee would be grateful for the rest, but I suspect I'd be incapacitated the following day by the upper body work out.

[CallMeExhausted]

I will admit, it is great fun. I tried it once, but my old shoulders and elbows were none too happy with me.

[goddessofsmallthings]

Eulogy shall be delivered by not only someone who knows me, but someone who likes me!

Bribing the eulogist could cost more than 60e, but it's preferable to paying for death by doctor.

I'm quite partial to Pachebel's Canon by the Berliner Philharmonker conducted by von Karajan. Goes down a treat at funerals as it appeals to both sides of the congregation strikes a balance between grieving and celebrating.

Your dd is gorgeous, Exhausted! I could look at her lovely face for hours. What a proud mama you must be and what a great sport for her participate in - I'd like to have a go at it.

[Trumpton]

Thank you for the link to ice hockey. I think your leg probably came out in bruising in sympathy ! That game looks as if it could be brutal and enormous fun !
Well done exhausted's dd

[CallMeExhausted]

This is sledge hockey.

I don't play, 10 yo DD does. I am just the pack mule. It is one of her favourite sports because her disability is the thing that makes her fit in instead of stick out. They played 5 games on the weekend, and brought home the gold.

Sorry to hijack, Talc. I am working on your eulogy as we speak.

[GreatFuckability]

callme what the holy hell is sledge hockey? i have images of people on sledges with hockey sticks and if thats it, i think i may have a theory about how you got your bruise...

talc I once spoke to man who walked past Kings College Medical School and i think this qualifies* me to diagnose you with Heamatoma of ThighusToppicus. Its self-limiting and should clear up in about a week.



Or maybe I could interest you in a eulogy in Haiku Form?
Talc got a pea sized leg lump
It was terminal
And she died, she died, she died.

[BoxofSnails]

Catsize
When in doubt regarding 'is it something or nothing' time is usually the best discriminator. It will either get better, or at least be a lump that doesn't grow or change or it will develop some more worrying features - growing, tethering, changing in texture or colour, etc. Give it a week or two. If it's 'something' it will prove itself. If it's 'nothing' you save €60.

[CallMeExhausted]

I was at a sledge hockey tournament with my DD this weekend past. I have no recollection of knocking myself, but am sporting this lovely souvenir on my leg nonetheless.

If the bruising resolves, but the tubepeaitis remains, I'd say you might want to chat with your GP in a couple of weeks. Otherwise, you can join the exclusive club of the "how the hell did I do that to myself?" gang.

And I'd be happy to write your eulogy. It doesn't need to be bound by fact, does it?

[Catsize]

They recently discovered a very rare miniature mole just south of Dublin. The way they discovered it was a lady went to her GP (a posh one - it was 75 euros) and complained of a bruise on her arm and a small lump in the middle of the bruise.
They removed the lump (250 euros) and discovered a little tiny mole who had burrowed in there (hence the bruising). He was wrapped in a teeny weeny green duvet apparently.
I think you have one of those.
Don't eat chocolate. It makes the moles fatter.

[Sodorisland]

Could you ask a pharmacist, would save you 60 euros if they could help.

I'm no medic just a thought.