Aibu to be raging at people's constant lateness

[HellzA75]

I have a friend, reallyively and sweet, would do anything to help you. But God forbid if you ever needed her to actually be punctual ever. She is always, always late. Always. She's always full of breathless excuses and apologies 10 times in a row. But I'm so fucked off with it.

Today, she asked if she could drop her DD round just for an hour. We agreed a time. 10 mins before that time she texted to say she was running 15 mins late because she's need to pop to the shop on the way round (why not go after she'd dropped her DD off?).

Well, even taking into consideration she told me she'd be 15 mins late, she's now half an hour later than her revised arrival time.

I rushed back from town to be here at the original correct time, and held back a late lunch, which is fast becoming an early tea. And I am still waiting for her.

I know she'll have got chatting to someone at the shop, as she talks endlessly to everyone. Or she'll have decided to squeeze in a totally random chore like checking tyre pressure. Because in her twisted logic, so long as she's on her way to meet you by the time she should ACTUALLY be WITH you (so 3pm today) then she isn't late. Because she's on her way.

She totally ignores the fact her house is a 15 minute drive from here. Or that she will spend 15 minutes in the shop, and therefore arrive more than 30 mins late to meet you.

Fuck right off. She needed me to have her DD between 3-4. I don't even know if she still needs me to have her now?

And she's STILL not here now!

I am so sick of her habitual lateness. It's driving me up the wall and it's starting to make me actively dislike her. Occasionally she'll do something really thoughtful like bringing round a homecake. But I don't want f*cking cakes, I just want her to not keep me waiting around.

[Creampastry]

Text her to check she's left in time.

[Mouthfulofquiz]

I think you should either have gone out, not answered the door, or just said your piece to her. Just taking the kid off her hands and ruining your own evening with repressed rage is not the answer!!!!

[junebirthdaygirl]

My dh was like this in the early days. He never factored in the time it took to get some place. So l would know he is meeting someone at six and it a few mins to six and he is still here. When l mentioned mentioned meeting he would oh it's grand it's just six now. But what about the fact it takes twenty mins to get there. It's like that part of his brain was missing. l gave up waiting if l was meeting him and he was very soon on time. It's just a habit and does my head in.

[Ridingthegravytrain]

I have aground like this. I rarely see her anymore as is pisses me off no end.

But surprise surprise she can make it to work on time. So it's just fucking rude!

Op you have to come back to say when she picks her son up

[Ridingthegravytrain]

Aground?? A friend

[dustarr73]

Is she back yet op.If she is not ring her and tell her to come back.I hate lateness its just rude.

[HellzA75]

She came back on time for once. But probably only because her Dad had to go virtually straight away.

But I have had enough. I don't do face to face confrontation so I am just not going to be available from now on. I doubt she'll even notice as she knows dozens and dozens of people and will probably just move on to them.

[MaccaPaccaismyNemesis]

I had a friend like this. After hauling my arse across town to meet her for a coffee with week old DS and then waiting an hour for her as she was 'on her way' from her house (5 mins away). When we were childfree it seemed less important but I was stressed to the hilt and pnd'd so getting out seemed a hurdle. After this I felt a bit put out and cooled off a bit.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

What is it that these people do that takes them so long.

traffic, meeting that ran over at work, emergency etc I understand and it can't he helped.

but if they can be on time fir drs appointments or work or for the childminder etc then why not for their friends.

and why when it's a 15 min journey do they not get to 2.30 and think , I need to leave soon. what makes them.sit there til half three then decide they had better go as they are late

[dustarr73]

I bet she came back on time to keep her options open.I would have said it to her.

My friend was like this,meeting at 5 meant her leaving her house at 5.She didnt factor in buses or waiting around.

We are no longer friends.

[emotionsecho]

As soon as you received the text saying she was going to be lae you should have responded and said 'If you are not here on time don't bother coming, the arrangement is cancelled."

I know you said you don't like confrontation but you should tell her why you no longer wish to be friends with her.

[CaptainCrunch]

An ex friend of mine was routinely an hour plus late for any arrangement. She lived a ten minute walk from my house. One day she was supposed to be coming for lunch, I got so sick of waiting I put everything in Tupperware boxes and walked down to her house, she was in her garden, blithely watering hanging baskets and still dressed in pyjamas. At this point she was 45 minutes late. I was beyond furious. I dumped her lunch in the kitchen and stormed off, we didn't stay friends for much longer after that !

[Theydontknowweknowtheyknow]

Oh god I had a friend like this. It's so irritating because it's as if your time isn't as important as their's. At least your friend apologies. Mine just used to say I was too sensitive if I said anything.

Drove me nuts too.

[amitha]

My aunt is always 30-60 mins early when she comes to my house, which is just as bad! I'm either not in and she is quietly cross with me that she has to wait outside (??wtf) or i'm not ready, house a mess etc, it is so annoying I now tell her a time an hour later so i don't get caught out.

[MrsItsNoworNotatAll]

Did Jane Asher really say that? Rude bitch!!! I've gone right off her now.

Don't look after her Dd again then. As you say she'll simply move on to someone else. She'll come across someone who won't tolerate her slack ass ways pretty soon.

Persistent lateness is very rude. I rather have someone arrive very early but I know that can be just as annoying.

[PegsPigs]

MaccaPacca if a mum with a week old newborn can make it on time but a childless adult can't I'd ditch that friend. Their time is not more important than mine.

I had a friend who when she lived in the UK I'd just potter around the shops till she called me to say she was at the meeting place. She moved to Oz and I went to see another friend over there and arranged to see her. Other friend offered to pick her up for a day trip but when I called to see where she was before we left she was right over the other side of the city. She was waiting for a bus which was going to take forever. Other friend said we'd be at the pick up point at x time (enough time if she got a taxi) but because there was no waiting area she'd have to be on time. We arrived at the meet up spot no sign of late friend. I called her and it was only at this point she decided to get a taxi. But she hadn't reckoned on my other friend being a stickler for timings and he decided to drive off and headed for the day trip. We were 20 minutes away when she called to say she was there. She really thought we'd drive round for 20 minutes waiting for her. I guess that's what I might have done in the past mug that I am So I fly across the world to see her and I ended up only seeing her for lunch later in the week. She was on time for that one!

[MrsItsNoworNotatAll]

and why when it's a 15 min journey do they not get to 2.30 and think , I need to leave soon. what makes them.sit there til half three then decide they had better go as they are late

Arrrrgh!!! I had a friend who did that very thing!!!! I'd travelled over to her hometown, a good 50 minutes journey and She was late meeting me. My train arrived at 11.50 she got there just after 12. No text or nothing to let me know she was running last despite me letting her know I was on the train. Then she tells me she's got an appointment she can't miss at 2pm. Why the fuck she couldn't arrange it for a different day I don't know. Anyway she didn't factor in the time It would take to get from the park we went to to get to where she needed to be for her appointment. Despite me saying to her several times "Shouldn't we be making a move/how far is this place/you don't want to be late" All I got was "it'll be ok, it's not far, I know where I'm going it's only 10 minutes away" We ended up getting a bus at 1.45 and it took a good half hour. Where she got 10 minutes from I've no idea. It's now something like 2.20 and she's 20 minutes late but instead of getting off the bus and going to straight there she decides that she really should buy the lightbulbs that she's been meaning to buy for ages. So she heads over to the hardware store and faffs around looking at fucking bulbs as yes, you've guessed it, she can't remember which sort she actually fucking needs!!! All the while the clock is ticking. It's 2.45 by the time she arrives for her now late for her appointment and she has the fucking cheek to be annoyed that she had to wait as the person she needs to speak is dealing with someone else!!!!!

This was quite some time ago now. I didn't realise it still irked me so much.

[dustarr73]

I think with some of them they think they have more time than they actually have.They try and cram everything in.
Or they only count the big thing they have to do that day,not the time it takes to get there.

My ex friend would be meeting me at 9,she gets off work at 6.Rather go straight home she toddles around the shop she works in having a yap.

Leaves at 7 ,,goes home has something to eat,then decides what to wear,shower,make up.There is no way she is meeting me at 9.She will be late.

Whereas me,off at 6 gone by 6.05,showered that morning.Have something quick to eat,dressed makeup out the door by 8.15.

Its a pity cause she was a good friend in so many ways but i just got pissed off trying to time manage her so i wouldnt be left like an eegit waiting on her.

[angelos02]

I agree with the pp's that just up and leave wherever they were meant to meet someone if they are really late and just say 'I assume'd you weren't coming seeing as you were so late and didn't let me know'.

[MercedesDR]

I used to pick up a woman on the way to work - she was never ready. There was always something going on with her kids. Their dad was late getting there, or the babysitter hadn't arrived. She was making me late too, and I got sick of being told off by my boss.

I stopped going to her house to collect her, and told her to wait at the bus stop for me. If she was there I stopped for her, if she wasn't I went on without her. This was in the days before everyone had a mobile so she couldn't call with some excuse, she just had to be there at the agreed time or wait up to half an hour for the next bus.

Just don't enable people to behave like this.