To be absolutely fucking sick of my four year old

[sunnyawry]

I am aware how bad this sounds but he's being SUCH a shit I am really struggling today. it's like he is deliberately trying to provoke me he just pushes and pushes until I can't stay calm. I've just made him a drink and offered him 2 biscuits, and subsequently agreed he could have 'just one more'. Sat down to feed the baby and he goes for the biscuits insisting he's having more. My staying calm, saying no, counting etc did nothing apart from getting a gleeful grin off him. To my shame I then resorted to wrestling the biscuits off him. He went back for the tin so I yelled he wasn't having biscuits EVER AGAIN and sent him to sit on the step. I really shrieked. I just got rage. Sounds so stupid over a custard creme, but I just don't want him to think he can walk all over me.

So then he was in tears but refuses to stay on the step to give us both time out. I went upstairs to calm down but he just follows me around wailing. I locked me and the baby in the bathroom and he just stood outside yelling and hammering on the door. This cannot be normal!!!! This is just one example from a whole day of incidents and similar over the past weeks. I tried to talk to him calmly afterwards, if just escalated again because he insisted he was 'in charge' and that he would just get daddy to give him a biscuit later.
I'm actually sick of him and can't enjoy his company at all anymore because he always spoils it by twatting around. It's like if he gets a sniff that something annoys me he will put all his effort into doing it. Eg I asked him nicely to not climb on me / pull at my clothes, that's all I get so I end up getting off the floor and moving. We could have just played nicely and he could have got lots of attention. I just don't understand him at all.

I am clearly doing something very wrong

[Jw35]

Advice is to hit say no,

Omg my post should have said 'just' say no not hit!

[ovaryhill]

Young kids can be horrendous and I think it's totally normal to be at the end of your tether sometimes
I remember feeding my newborn whilst the other ones played upstairs peacefully, or so I thought.......
Turns out they had got hold of a tin of paint and opened it all over the bedroom floor
They then took out the new clothes I had bought them to mop it up with along with dragging their duvets through it!
I was completely calm when I saw the mess as I felt if I started I would have turned them into mince!
I sat downstairs and cried silently until dh came home
We laugh about it now, honestly!

[Narp]

I so agree with what tiggerkid says. I have been there too and the mistakes on my end were always in not understanding just how small my sons were. I think what you have to accept is they cannot change their behaviour - what they do is an adaptation to what you are doing - so it is the adult's responsibility to do the changing.

It's really hard when you have a baby and a not-much-more-than-a-toddler. Really tiring and emotionally draining.

I found that if I was feeling a bit under the weather my parenting got better - because I didn't have the energy to react in a shrieky way which then confused on the one hand and rewarded them on the other hand - so more of a Bored Policeman voice and less of a high-pitched drama-voice.

Don't think ahead to what you worry he be like when he's older. You have to be in the here-and-now. I liked the book "Playful Parenting' for that. It's not what it sounds like - permissive parenting, but it helps remind you to look at the world as your child sees it, and to work with the playful side of their character. It helps avoid conflicts over little things like putting coats on.

[Narp]

Also, I wanted to say that the fact he's nice to the baby does not mean he's not struggling. He's clever enough to know that it would be unacceptable to take his feelings out on her, but you're his mum and you love him, so it's 'safer' to be angry with you (aren't you lucky

[FindoGask]

"I found that if I was feeling a bit under the weather my parenting got better - because I didn't have the energy to react in a shrieky way which then confused on the one hand and rewarded them on the other hand - so more of a Bored Policeman voice and less of a high-pitched drama-voice."

I recognise this so much!

[sunnyawry]

Gosh thanks so much for all the replies. Sorry to those of you also having issues but I am relieved to hear I'm not the only one. I laughed at the CBeebies presenter comment as I often try to emulate them or pretend I am being recorded, to keep the right tone
So we cooked together earlier and he loved it, then we snuggled and we both apologised. He said he wanted to have more time like that. So I need to get creative with ways of finding more 1 on 1 time together, I can hopefully make a start with after school time this week if I can get DD to stay asleep ( whole other thread). I will be able to regroup whole he's at school and approach things with a fresh attitude.
I'm going to go through the thread again properly and make a list of all the points and recommendations to work through.
Thanks again for all the insights.

[Coldlightofday]

He sounds similar to my DS. With the non stop imaginary play and the "helping"

I have found cutting dead any arguments when I know I will not budge works well- "I am not talking about this any more" - this has become a phrase he is used to and whilst it used to cause an almighty fuss (albeit fairly short lived) he now knows that if I say that, there is really no point in carrying on.

He also has many, many jobs - putting socks away, dusting(he's shit at it, but he loves it), cleaning the bathroom etc Obvs all the jobs need redoing, but it keeps him occupied and gives lots of opportunities to praise him - which means when he's being super difficult I can say "I know you're such a sensible/calm/helpful boy - remember how awesome you were when you helped mummy do the dusting" I find that massively helps de escalate when he's on the wind up or wobbling towards a tantrum.

If you have a laptop/tablet then the CBeebies games are reLly good for buying you some downtime- more interactive than to if he's not into that.

Having said all that I still lose my shit sometimes 😁