AIBU for not letting him stay?

[Augustbaby22]

Hello mumsnetters this is my first post, apologies if I ramble on a bit.

Bit of backstory-
I was with a guy for a month nothing serious but fell pregnant by accident we decided not to be together and he was very nasty to me, shouted at me saying I had fallen pregnant on purpose, demanded I get an abortion, would ignore me for weeks,he pretty much acted like a stroppy child.

I made sure I kept him updated with the pregnancy and said from day one he could be as involved as much as he liked, then told me he didn't want to be involved. I told him if that was his decision he should be 100% sure but then turned round and said he did want to be involved but wanted a DNA test (no doubt she is his) he also didn't contact me at all the day my dd was born even after I had sent messages and pictures.

So basically we don't have the best relationship but I've always maintained contact as I know it's the right thing for my dd.

Thank you for reading this far!

So getting to the point for his first time meeting our dd when she was 5 weeks old I Let him stay at mine in (what will be) dd's room as she was in with me and he told me he had no money, to be honest I felt a bit bad as it was his first time meeting her and he lives 4 hours away and doesn't drive.

He has now asked if he can come down again, dd who is now 13 weeks and is going into her own room soon and my house is small I don't really have the room unless I moved round the whole living room, he does have a job now (though not paying any maintenance) and I'm not sure what to do.

I keep going between feeling bad as I live quite a distance from him to thinking surely other people don't let there ex's stay overnight.

So my question is would you let your ex stay at your house or would you ask him to find somewhere else to stay?

(Sorry its so long)

[Augustbaby22]

The funny thing was before he came down he said he had some money to give me but as soon as he got here kept going on about how skint he was so I didn't bother asking.

[AliceInUnderpants]

I messaged him last night and said he can stay for a night this month but after Christmas I'm putting dd in her own room and he'll have to find somewhere else to stay as I don't have the room

I think that sounds fair enough. Just make sure you stick to it.
And now he is working, get onto the CMS if he doesn't agree to pay maintenance. Hopefully he will run for the hills.

[sleeponeday]

Is there a reason you haven't contacted CMO and started the process of claiming maintenance from him? If she's unlucky enough to have a loser as a father, then at least she should benefit from whatever financial contribution he can make. And he won't voluntarily, that seems rather obvious.

[AtSea1979]

Your DD shouldn't really be in a Moses basket at 13 weeks, that's too old and dangerous if she rolls over. So you need to move her in to a cot very soon.
Your ex should sort himself out and stop making pathetic excuses for seeing his DD for a few hours a month.

[Augustbaby22]

Maintenance thing is more forgetfulness on my part I don't speak to him often and when I was pregnant and said about money he asked if we could do it between us but I will definitely be getting in contact so they can take the money from him and I won't have to ask.

Dd is still quite small for her Moses basket and she's not rolling yet, I know I need to put her in her cot in her own room soon :( trying to get use to the idea she won't be next to me

[sleeponeday]

You can keep her in your room in a cot, if you like and can squeeze one in? The advice is to keep them sleeping with you until 6 months, anyway. It's allegedly better for them (I say allegedly, because I think if a mother sleeps with the baby in another room, and not in the same, then a rested mother is also better for a baby!). But there is no need at all to feel like you should move her yet if you don't want to - out of the Moses basket, sure. Room, and no.