I've just been made an offer to study midwifery at my local university. I've been working soooo hard for this and I should be over the moon. The problem is that my mother and I have just had a very uncharacteristic row about it and it's really upset me and made me doubt my choice.
The situation is that I'm a mature student and am a single mother to three young children. Their father is very involved, we co-parent well, and I have really supportive friends. I'm under no illusions that it will be tough and complicated but I'm prepared for that and also prepared that it might be even harder than I've prepared for...! I was worried that I didn't have my mother's full support so I questioned it and she told me that she was worried about the children and that they would suffer. I know that she has - and does - feel guilt about working while we were small and even now that her job (that she does not enjoy) means that she does not have enough time for us (her perception; mine is more that I worry for her doing a job that she dislikes as I believe it affects her mental health).
Until now I have been a teacher and don't want to go back to that - and would rather my children see me enjoying working hard at something I love rather than resenting having to work harder at something I don't want to do. I can't stay at home with them forever and don't want to teach - and really really want to be a midwife!
Sooooo, AIBU to think I can do this, or does she have a point? She won't answer my calls and I'm gutted, we never do this.
AIBU?
AIBU to think I can do this?
IASM · 03/12/2015 14:29
Congratulations! I've just qualified as a midwife and although I don't have children, I saw the experiences of others on my course who did. One woman was a single mother of 4 and managed it so it is doable. That said, you need to have amazing childcare in place. One of the lecturers came in one day and shouted at us that too many of the mums were taking time off at short notice because their childcare had fallen through and it was unacceptable. I felt really sorry for them but it shows how important it is.
Also, shift work can be better but some days you might not see your children very much. For example, if you're working 3 or 4 nights in a row you're barely going to see them although I'm sure you've considered that. One thing I heard from the mums was that don't feel guilty if all you can be bothered to make for tea is chips and if the housework doesn't get done. Most of them said that their house was messy for 3 years! Oh, I've just thought sometimes you might be asked to go on call at night for home births. You don't have to do it but it's a good thing to do if you can as depending on your area home births might be very rare (unfortunately I never got to go to one, despite being on call at night loads!) So you'll need to consider childcare arrangements for suddenly needing to go out at 3am.
Unfortunately, getting a job afterwards can be just as competitive. You've got a while to worry about it and things can change year to year but I have heard of some hospitals only being able to offer half of their students jobs. One of my uni's placement hospitals told their students in my year that there were no jobs AT ALL for them but then managed to pull some temporary contracts out the bag at the last minute. They had to be interviewed again 6 months later for permanent contracts which I think they've now all got. But it was a very stressful, scary time for them, especially for the mums who were tied to that area. There's not much you can do about situations like that, other than looking into whether you could commute to other hospitals. But during the course I attended as many study days as I could, acted as a mentor to first year students etc. as this all helps with applications. And keep practising drugs calculations. Most hospitals include them as part of their interview process now, and at one I went to recently so many people were turned away because they didn't do well enough which is a real shame. If you struggle with maths, which I did, then it's a good idea to keep on top of it.
Good luck! It's a real rollercoaster ride and there will be times when you want to quit, I don't know anyone who didn't think that at least once, but as cliched as it sounds, it's an amazing journey. I think I've grown so much as a person and I'm a lot less judgemental than I used to be. Some days are real hard work but it's an amazing, very privileged job to have. You can always PM me if you have any questions about the course, I'm a saddo who loves talking about it. 
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.