to think DP is actually, seriously addicted to his playstation

[tuilamum]

This sounds so ridiculous but I am legitimately worried. Its not just "I cant get him off it" its how he acts too. Once he starts he's on it for the whole day. I've recently managed to get him to stop playing in the evenings but every weekend is the exact same. He says he'll only go on for a little bit and then seven hours later he's still on it. He's snappy and grumpy if I ask him to do even the littlest thing. He gets impatient with DD and tries to tell her to "wait till he's done this bit" when she's crying for a nappy change (she's 4mo ffs).
I got him to agree to turn it off at midday the other weekend but he was on it till half 4.
I told him I wanted to talk about it last weekend and he paused the game, listened to me say all this, gave me half a nod, a huff like he was thinking about it, then went back on his game. And started talking about it to me like I hadn't said anything! Whenever I try to talk to him when he's playing I get nothing or "did you say something" five minutes later.
I know he loves me and DD but it just feels like his brain gets sucked into a game and nothing else matters (spyKids 3 anyone?)
I don't know what to do, he's perfectly reasonable about it when he's off the game, sort of like how an alcoholic is perfectly reasonable when sober...

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

Jeez, I love gaming but I have a limit. I cant play all day. My eyes would fall out if I tried to play 7 hours straight.

[tuilamum]

We don't have an online connection so he can't play online (I'm using my phone). Normally its call of duty type games or racing games, although at the moment its skyrim...
I know a lot of you think he's a lost cause but he has been through a lot in his short life and come out the other side relatively ok so I'm gonna hold onto my faith a little longer and try and help him find a better balance

[DraenorQueen]

This is ridiculous!!! OP, I am a gamer and I could happily play all day long. But FFS things need doing! And I don't even have any kids....! I really don't like how he seems to be demonising you here...
Sorry if you've already said, but what games is he addicted to? Some online games have a heavy social element to them which could make it hard to cut down so drastically...

[annandale]

You being the game time police is just pointless. He's an adult. He has a partner and a CHILD who needs interaction otherwise they will develop poorly. Lack of eye contact, lack of response to their conversational sounds/nonverbal communication will result in actual poor brain development. He's OK with that is he?

It is NOT your job to say 'yes you can have 60 minutes, 120 minutes, full day playing'. (Two hours a day????? is he fucking having a laugh?) It is up to him. Eitehr he is able to take on his responsibilities or he is not.

Who's the woman who wrote 'What Mothers Do especially When It Looks Like Nothing'? She should write/commission a game showing the dire effects of NOT INTERACTING WITH YOUR CHILD.

In the meantime, how about going to stay with someone who will interact with your child - maybe grandparents? You don't have to officially break up. Just go away for a bit and leave him to it. It's NOT. YOUR. JOB. TO. SORT. HIM.

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

Oh love I'm not surprised you're hopelessly optimistic here, you're so young and you have a child, but you need to stop being so hopeful that he will work this out on his own.

[Costacoffeeplease]

Unless you're ever ok with me playing for a whole day.....

Jeez, he doesn't get it does he? He's still trying it on, making you the baddie

Is he this immature in other ways? (I know he's only 23 but still...)

[weeblueberry]

The mature thing is for him to prioritise the family though. Before I met dp I could easily have played seven hours a day but that was because I didn't have other commitments. When I had my kids I realised even seven hours a week was a no and frankly, while there are still times I'd like to sit and get engrossed for hours, it's just not doable as a parent.

Is he playing violent games while your baby is on his lap?

[tuilamum]

Yeah I pointed out to him that its a problem and he shouldn't just stop because it upsets me. Hopefully as he spends more time with us he'll understand that...

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

I'm in my early 20s too. I love my xbox and could easily spend all day playing it with friends but I don't, because I'm an adult and it's not a productive use of time. And I don't have a family to be looking after.

He seems to think this is your problem - he'll only play for longer if you're happy, he'll ask your permission. He needs to see that it's a problem anyway, nothing to do with you.

[tuilamum]

He was on antidepressants for a bit before I was with him. Given what he's told me he's a lot better than he was and he has stepped up a lot since I got pg.

[VestalVirgin]

If therapy hasn't worked, maybe he should try medication.

[tuilamum]

Not two hours every day. His exact words were "If I go on it it'll only be for an hour or two.... Unless you're ever ok with me playing for a whole day once in a while"
I just looked at him like

[PennyHasNoSurname]

Two hours a day?! After he has done his fair share of chores, parenting, work, eaten and spent some time with you he thinks he will have two hours free?

[tuilamum]

I've spoken to him now he's home and he's agreed no playstation this week and no more than two hours on any given day after that (his suggestion). Hopefully he sticks to it, I think I'm starting to get through to him about the effect on DD.
(He's 23, I'm 21)

[junebirthdaygirl]

How old is he? I heard Dr Phil saying once never move in with a guy in their early twenties as they are so immature and too find of their bloody toys. I'm presuming that's his age. He needs to grow up. Both my ds's were mad into gaming at 16 17 but now a few years later they couldn't be bothered. Their Xbox broke and they never looked back. I'd be tempted to accidentally on purpose break it. Definitely don't put up with it. He needs to come up with a solution like getting rid of it totally or locking it away. But you are right not to stand for it. He is out of line.

[CesareBorgiasUnicornMask]

He may have to try going cold turkey. Could you persuade him to give up for a month? It's what I did when my mumsnet addiction got out of hand.

For some perspective - my DH loves gaming, it's his main leisure activity and before meeting me what he spent most of his free time doing. He now plays for about an hour, maybe one day in three . Which is probably similar to the amount of time I spend reading/ doing crafts/ faffing about painting my nails etc. (Apart from the occasional massive prenegotiated session if a new game has come out). If he's looking after DS, he doesn't play because he knows he cant pay full attention to him if he's gaming, and if at any point I ask him to stop for any reason including 'can we just have a chat since I've not seen you all day' he does immediately.

I have some friends who are very anti-gaming because of the addictiveness, but IMO if the person treats it like any other hobby it's fine. Alternatively, I don't suppose you could try something similar? Find a series you like and binge-watch it for seven hours, while ignoring him and DD? If challenged, say you need to relax, and shush him for interrupting. Might get the point across...

[OnceAMeerNotAlwaysAMeer]

He hears "you're a terrible father and a lazy slob who doesn't do anything, you're lazy and selfish

I think that's his guilty conscience speaking to him. Just happens to sound like you.

[tuilamum]

Thanks landrover I may have to start doing that

[landrover]

Maybe start arranging full days out at the weekend for all of you? Certainly at least one shopping day, where he sits in a play/ area/park while you shop for an hour or so, then swop over? Then there are the elf hunts, xmas fairs etc that you can make him come with you to look after your baby? I would start arranging full weekends from now on xx Good luck!

[Costacoffeeplease]

But he is being a terrible father and a lazy slob

[GreenPotato]

And also sorry but if he ignores a baby's needs in favour of the PS, then he is also a terrible father.

[GreenPotato]

OK but apart from the never having fun again part, that's all true. If he won't pull his weight then he is a lazy slob. Working hard has nothing to do with it - as you say, you work hard. When you're both at home you share whatever needs doing.

If he thinks what you do isn't work, and having a job means he's entitled to sit on his arse the rest of the time, then he isn't husband and father material.

[tuilamum]

The thing is that I say "I know you work hard and you're tired, but I'm tired too and I feel like everything in the house falls to me and when you're on your playstation you ignore DD and I know you don't want that"
He hears "you're a terrible father and a lazy slob who doesn't do anything, you're lazy and selfish and you shouldn't do anything fun ever again"

[OneFlewOverTheDodosNest]

You are his wife, not his mother. It is not your responsibility to make sure he looks after his child and does his share of the household chores - it is his responsibility and he should WANT to spend time with his DD rather than being cajoled into it.

He is forcing you into the bad cop position by expecting you to tell him what to do and then getting grumpy at you when you do as he says!

Honestly, I'd hide the power lead somewhere, or take the fuse out the plug and then I'd have a very serious discussion about whether he wants to choose to be a parent and be an active part of yours and DDs lives including a fair split of all household responsibilities, or whether he wants to be a teenager - in which case he can go live with his parents and do chores for pocket money.

[JCDenton]

Is it many games or just one he really, really likes and might finish or be persuaded to put away forever?