DS won't get a job - AIBU to apply for jobs for him?

[MrsNolansSister]

DS is 20 and very academically intelligent. He's borderline Aspie and has previously worked in a high pressure environment where he seemed to be doing very well, but decided to leave a few months ago as it was too stressful. He doesn't want to return to that area of work.

He spends his days on FB, gaming etc with no interest in getting another job. He's not unwell/depressed/stressed yet seems to have no interest in work, money, a career. Doesn't go out with friends but never has done.

He won't look at job sites or apply for jobs. He's mentioned some jobs he might consider doing but quite frankly they're way above his capability, but because he previously had a fairly high level job for his age he thinks he can walk back in at that level but in a completely different area! He doesn't want to go to college/uni. He seems quite content being at home every day.

I keep a roof over his head and buy food for him to eat but do nothing else for him in an attempt to encourage him to do things for himself. I've no intention of telling him to move out but how can I motivate him? AIBU to apply for jobs for him?

[junebirthdaygirl]

Is there any work he could do online as the whole social side of being in a work place will be difficult for him. My friends ds did an online degree with an online tutor. Could he do a degree in something that lends itself to working on line. It's not straight forward for him.

[Cressandra]

YWBU to apply for jobs for him, it won't go anywhere.

It's a difficult one. If it were pure laziness, stripping back stuff you fund should help him understand he needs to grow up and do his bit. I think you might need to do this tbh. But if he is absolutely, paralysingly terrified (even if this is coming out as bolshiness, I know mine did in my late teens) then empathy and support are important too.

I wonder if a face-saving get-out clause is in order. For example, suggest he look for some evening bar work or supermarket work just as a stop gap until the high level job comes in, or something like life guarding where you can do the training course (which you have to pay for) but then most people can get casual lifeguarding shifts afterwards, and build up to regular shifts. Again, as a short term thing for needed cash flow to start with. It's a relatively low stress way into paid employment for the terrified.