to not invite one of DS 'friends' to his party

[Bing0wings]

DS was gutted to find out that he had not been invited to party of a 'friend' at school. Two days before party a few other kids were talking about it at school and getting excited (selection of boys and girls). Friend lied to DS and said he hadn't sorted his invite out yet (but truth is that there was no invite forthcoming). DS was getting really excited about this party. I then had to tell DS he hadn't been invited cos he kept asking me over the birthday w/e why he wasn't going.
DS was gutted but put a brave face on it and asked me if I could buy a present for 'friend'. I said 'no' but if DS wanted to do a bday card he could. After the party date had come and gone, DS asked friend why he was not invited (against my advice) and friend said cos they didn't have enough spaces.
My view is that they can invite who they want. It's their party. I'm not saying they should have invited my DS at all.
However, DS birthday is coming up in Feb. He wants to invite this 'friend'. We are really, really short on cash at the moment and I don't want to pay for a child to attend who is not really friends with DS.
AIBU to not invite this 'friend' despite DS wanting to invite him?

[ghostspirit]

my kids often say to me xx said i can go to his party. i say until you have a proper invite your not invited at all. some partys you get to go to some you dont. thats life.

there is no way in this world i would not invite a child just because my child was not invited. maybe the child did say your son was invited. but hes a child kids say theses things. hense why say the above to my kids.

[CFSsucks]

I wouldn't tell DS bimbly I'd think it but I'd just make sure he was inviting his best friends because he is going to be very restricted on numbers. Kids talk anyway . I actually don't mind the boy, he's very polite and we'll mannered, unfortunately I hear about his attitude to other children and it's not great but kids are kids. It's his mum's attitude more so tbh and it's hard when we are friends and I am 99% sure she doesn't like my child. But I wouldn't take it out on the kids no matter what I though unlike her.

[CFSsucks]

bimbly that's what DH and I thought as well actually. That the boy didn't actually get to invite who he wanted. From what they did I think it does appear that way and it was basically his mum telling him who was coming.

[MerryMarigold]

Just a small aside. I would keep an eye on the relationship as ds1 hero-worshipped a couple of kids at this age and they didn't really have much time for him. It was soul destroying for poor ds1 to be excluded in the playground/ parties etc. No-one's fault but in the end classes got mixed and he made some other friends, thankfully, which were more mutual.

Of course, your ds is welcome to invite this 'friend' but I'd keep an eye on their interactions and try and suss things out.

[Bimblywibbler]

Sounds hard on you and the little boy CFSsucks.

[bluebolt]

My DD about the same age was told she was first reserve if someone else could not make it. The little girl told my DD "I hope xxxx and xxxx don't come but my mum had to invite them or their mums will not speak to my mum". It is so much easy once they are older.

[knaffedoff]

All part of learning I am afraid, last year a child in my son's class was pretty determined my son could only come to his party if he did certain things, played with certain friends and brought him presents!!!! I refused to go to the shop but allowed him to give a new gift from home. My son choose to give a jar of his favourite home made jam made by his grandma, the boy who had been setting the objectives his mum collared me to thank us for the jam but slightly confused as it had been wrapped up specifically in birthday gift wrap, when I explained he had wanted to give a gift to qualify for a party invitation, she was mortified as her son's birthday was not for another 6 months. Lesson to son was don't rely on being invited to any party and don't try to buy friendships!