To not want to leave my 13 year old DD home alone with a boy I've never met

[TwentyOneGuns]

Clearly she thinks IABU but it just doesn't seem like a great idea to me. They have the day off school, she'd like her BF to come over, so as a compromise I suggested that I'd see if I could work from home - not to watch over them every minute - I'd be holed away in my office, you know, actually working - but just as an adult presence. But that idea got this face from DD.

I'm not trying to embarrass her or imply that I don't trust her but I'd be unsure about a female friend I didn't know spending the day here with no adults around so one of the opposite sex is bound to make me think twice. Surely that's not unreasonable at 13 is it?

As a mum of boys I would be very concerned that they would be alone for a whole day, I wonder what his mum has been told?

My teenagers are a bit older. I suspect it is highly highly unlikely they would have sex. But I'd work at home anyway!

Always get to know their friends' parents.

I have been the "bad guy" all through my teenagers coming of age

Doesn't bother me in the slightest

No way would I be allowing this, neither would I if it were my ds and a gf. YANBU. Stick to your guns.

"Always get to know their friends' parents."

Can't be done in secondary school.

I would work from home. Particularly if there are a lot of other kids around off school as well. Not because I particularly think anything "bad" will happen- but it would be easy, say, for too many kids to come back to yours and for your dd to feel she had lost control of the situation in terms of mess and silliness.

YANBU. And I'd have given my mum the face too. But I wouldn't have been allowed to have a bf over for the day by myself at 13!

Well, I wouldn't let a 13yo DS have a friend over for the day if I wasn't there, even if I did know them. I don't want my house blown up, or the shed burnt down. But maybe that's just my DC.

and the impregnating penis

, no you should be there.

Not because it's a boy, but because they are 13. And there's 2 of them.

A friend of mine left her normally sensible DD 13, with a 13 yr old friend for 2 hours unsupervised, they made prank phone calls and then decided to see what all the fuss was about drinks, and she got so drunk she was unconscious by the time mum came home . Mum had to be interviewed by SS for negligence. Daughter in A&E for a day, not fun.

It's a silly age, and 2 "sensible" 13-year olds can talk eachother into doing silly things when they get bored.

God I remember being 13, and I would not leave me home alone at that age . i remember trying to do experiments with burning peanuts and crisps, calling sex lines and looking for coins that would not be missed. And I was such a terribly sensible goody-two-shoes!

The other day when I told DS (13) what a nice sensible friend his friend X was, he said with some contempt: "it's an act we put on for parents, we ALL know how to be around other people's parents to create a good impression. Duh"

Served me right for making such an old fuddy-duddy comment

No you are not...no compromise

I disagree that you can't get to know the parents once they're at secondary school : obviously not all of them, but any friends you know of whose houses the kids go to, it's reasonable to have a contact number for a parent, and make contact if you have a reasonable excuse. If your child becomes really difficult to the extent that you don't know where they are for long periods, it helps a lot to have a way of contacting other parents.
(If anyone reading this has worked out who I am, there may be a hollow laugh at this point).

At 13 I had a boyfriend of 15.

Pretty cool, huh?

His mum let us hang out in his bedroom most evenings.

He put a lot of pressure on me to take it further than a snog.

I was actually grateful that my 'mean'parents gave me a 9pm curfew. It meant I only had to fight him off for an hour or so. Every evening.

Wear you 'BAD GUY' badge with pride... I do when my 13yr old looks at me with utter contempt I know i'm definitely doing something right

YANBU.

My mum 'left me to it' at that age. I WISH SHE HADN'T.

They are WAY too young.

YANBU

Stay at home. Peer pressure can be horrendous at that age, I'd want to ensure that she doesn't find herself in a situation she feels she can't contol.

(Btw I know plenty of parents from secondary school too)

YANBU. Stick to your guns.

You are NBU at all.
Adult presence "in the background" will certainly put paid to any stuff that shouldn't be going on and if they never intended to do any of that anyway, then they've nothing to get stroppy about.
Sorted.
Oh I can't wait until my 7 y.o. gets to this age....

Hi I had this situation in reverse when DS 3 went to visit his GF for the day earlier this year. They aren't at school together they go to an activity at the weekend. I insisted in contacting her mum, to his huge embarrassment to find out who was going to be there, but I felt reassured when her mum said she would be there all day ( they were 13 at the time) trust your instincts on this.

i never let my daughter have any of her male friends over if im not home i allow her to go to town with them as a group but he doesn't live local and his disabled mom is housebound so im sort of safe plus i tend to join them unexpectedly with her younger brothers this is the same boyfriend who claims he is gay but clearly fancies the arse of my daughter seriously how stupid do kids think you are

She may have asked you just because she doesn't want to be put under pressure.