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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be pissed off in the supermarket queue has a go at me for being rude to the shop assistant, when I had a valid reason

101 replies

CarpetDiem · 10/11/2015 16:25

So, I was stood at the check out, woman in front was packing up her stuff, I was getting served. The girl on the checkout had already put her 'till closed' sign up behind my shopping. A woman in her seventies came up & tried to put her shopping on to be told 'I'm closing now' fair enough, two minutes later a twenty something couple came and did the same & she said nothing. So I said 'sorry she's closing now' & the checkout girl said 'it's ok' I replied 'er, no, that's not fair, you just sent that older woman away' she huffed & repeated 'it's ok just once'. I was not amused, I hate unfairness, especially when it was blatantly ageist. So when she asked me if I wanted a bag, do you have a points card? I said 'no & no' to which the customer in front of me ( still packing her shopping) said 'there is no need for you to be rude to her'! I said 'what's it got to do with you?' & she repeated herself, as did I. She walked off gossiping away to who I presume was her mum.
AIBU? I've just got home & it's really pissed me off Hmm

OP posts:
CarpetDiem · 10/11/2015 16:48

I was rude, I accept that. I'm getting over it now Blush but I still maintain she should not have let a young couple through and not the woman before them. They both had baskets and the older woman was still looking for a checkout when young couple joined the queue.

OP posts:
yeOldeTrout · 10/11/2015 16:49

Ageism? Insufficient info.

When I worked a till sometimes we started closing but then a rush of customers came on & we had to stay after all. There are just so many other variables, too.

Enjolrass · 10/11/2015 16:53

That's not your decision to make though is it?

Wasn't really any of your business and you have no idea wether it was ageist or not

shazzarooney99 · 10/11/2015 16:56

The lady could have been death or blind, you diddnt need to speak to her.

PiperChapstick · 10/11/2015 16:58

You were very rude. What on earth made you think you could speak to her like that?!

roundaboutthetown · 10/11/2015 17:11

You were rude. Presumably, if the till closed sign was up, she was due a break or ready to go home, so would not have been ecstatic whoever ignored it. Maybe she turned the first woman away then realised how busy it was, so decided to quietly take pity on the next couple. She couldn't really have called the elderly lady back and tell her to slip in, too, in front of the other couple, or she really would have caused a scene. You interfered with her decision process when it was none of your business and she wasn't obliged to give up her break time for anyone, and you embarrassed her by questioning her professionalism.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 10/11/2015 17:17

I think the girl on the checkout could have said "no" then realised that maybe it was busier than she thought and she needed to continue. TBH you're the one being ageist to just automatically assume that's why she said no in the first place.

It sounds like the girl just made a couple of unfortunate judgement calls that didn't quite work out, with no malicious intent, and then you were really unnecessarily rude to her (to the point where someone else thought they needed to say something)

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 10/11/2015 17:18

Ooh I'm really surprised at the responses you are getting op. I can't bear unfairness and this sounds really unfair.

The no and no doesn't sounds all that rude, although I suppose it depends entirely on how you said it. However I feel that unfairness is more in need of being pointed out that a bit of abruptness on your part.

AlwaysHope1 · 10/11/2015 17:18

You were rude and none of your business! You think you did a nice thing for the lady but you turned around and was rude to the lady, what's the point.

AlwaysHope1 · 10/11/2015 17:19

And based on what exactly are you throwing ageist around? If anything it's you.

Sparklingbrook · 10/11/2015 17:21

Blimey, does anyone on MN just got through a supermarket checkout without some sort of ding dong/incident any more? Grin

Just do your shopping and get out, don't get involved in any checkout shenanigans.

Sparklingbrook · 10/11/2015 17:21

*go through

Enjolrass · 10/11/2015 17:25

The no and no doesn't sounds all that rude, although I suppose it depends entirely on how you said it.

The OP admitted and accepted she was rude

ConstanceMarkYaBitch · 10/11/2015 17:25

WOMAN on the check out. Yabu just for that. And you have no proof for it being ageist at all.
Keep your stick beak out.

CarpetDiem · 10/11/2015 17:29

There were two ladies, the one who got sent away to find another checkout whom I was sticking up for and the one in front who told me I was being rude. In my opinion the checkout assistant was ageist. Why? Because why on earth would you send a woman in 'later life' to find another checkout, then serve the clearly able bodied 'earlier in life' couple. Is the fact I noticed someone's age ageist? I think not.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 10/11/2015 17:32

You sound weirdly obsessed with age, OP.

It was unfair of her to send one person away and then serve another couple.

That's it really.

Enjolrass · 10/11/2015 17:34

As pps have said there are loads of reasons she could have done that....not based on age

MyNewBearTotoro · 10/11/2015 17:34

Very unreasonable for you to jump in and tell the checkout lady how to do her job.

If you felt she was being discriminatory you could have lodged a formal complaint but not your place to start ordering around other customers to walk away or to question the cashier's decision.

Other customer shouldn't have gotten involved either but really by involving yourself in something that was not your business you were sort of inviting others to start getting involved to.

ConstanceMarkYaBitch · 10/11/2015 17:38

Don't be a dick. You can't think of a reason so there can't be one...not likely. The fact that she was old is the least likely reason of all, so try a bit harder in your thinking.

CarpetDiem · 10/11/2015 17:38

I am weirdly obsessed with injustice, it is co-incidental that ageism was highlighted to me first hand today!
Thank you for all your helpful insights. Must dash now Smile

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 10/11/2015 17:38

You say there were two ladies. What about the lady serving you, or does her job mean she's what, chopped liver?

Gazelda · 10/11/2015 17:38

There could be a million reasons why she turned away the first lady but served the couple.

Maybe the older lady had visible cat hairs on her coat and the checkout operator has a cat allergy?

Perhaps the lady's handbag reminded her of a very recently deceased auntie and she couldn't risk breaking down in grief stricken sobs.

Maybe she saw the lady had a bottle of alcohol and knew that as an under 18 employee (ok, I'm over imagining a bit here) she would have to ring for approval but the supervisor was on her tea break?

Etc etc etc.

CheesyWeez · 10/11/2015 17:39

She may have been due her break and thought she didn't have much time, so put up her closed notice. Then her supervisor didn't come and let her off on the break after all - so she accepted someone else. However I think I would have reacted exactly like you, at first sight it looked unfair. She could have just explained why she had taken the young couple.

BockCadger · 10/11/2015 17:40

Some of the reasons for turning someone away are a bit far fetched Confused

Perhaps she turned the old lady away because she knew she'd just accept it and the couple may have been arsey with her and she doesn't handle confrontation well?

I'd have been Hmm too OP.

lorelei9 · 10/11/2015 17:42

OP, why on earth didn't you just ask the checkout girl why she did that, if you were so concerned?

I think the likeliest scenario is that no one came to take over from her so she decided to keep serving, or did a quick scan of the shop and realised it would be nicer for customers to keep serving.

I cannot understand how you jumped to "ageist" because of this. A supermarket is a fluid environment. i've had people take the "till closed" sign away and serve me when I was passing by looking for another one. This sort of thing happens.

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