To wonder why being sick suddenly makes you inspirational?

[LunchpackOfNotreDame]

Or at least in the eyes of social media all the memes going round that cancer patients are brave and strong and inspirational. That everything is a fight and those who battle it inspire others.

Do people realise what pressure this puts onto people who are unwell or disabled or going through gruelling treatment?

I'm sure the pressure to show the world I'm well and not physically and mentally ill is what's making my mental health worse. That I have to be permanently positive in how I share bad news (such as recent test results - nothing terminal or life ending but certainly life affecting) and it has to be delivered in a nonchalant manner. I get the feeling from social media I may not be alone in feeling this pressure.

Does anyone else?

[IsaBisaBuildsaBoat]

I'm sick. I'm VERY inspirational.

Not really. People just don't usually have a framework for dealing with chronic or life-threatening illness. They don't know what to say/do/think. 'Inspirational' is just a good-enough response in their minds so they stop there.

[FuzzyWizard]

This thread reminds me of this TED talk.

www.ted.com/talks/stella_young_i_m_not_your_inspiration_thank_you_very_much?language=en

I'm with you OP. It always irritates me too.

[Strokethefurrywall]

I'm not sure how I feel about this really, I'm massively on the fence having watched my younger brother succumb to cancer.

Regardless of the terms "battling with cancer" which we never really used, the fact is that he did inspire many of his friends and family with the dignity and courage he demonstrated throughout. He wrote a blog to help him face what he knew was to come and that inspired a great number of people who were also in a similar situation.

That, to me, was what I found inspiring, that he was so brave and, on the face of it, totally fearless. Of course, inside he must have been terrified and I really struggled with the amount of fear he must have felt going where we couldn't join him.

So yes, I found him hugely inspiring and can only hope that if I were ever to be faced with the magnitude of a situation that he faced, that I could be considered inspiring to others too.

I don't like the terms "battling with cancer" or "battling with parkinsons" either but I don't know what other terminology to use.

[Garlick]

I practise radical acceptance. I'm not very good it at most of the time. But it is the closest to a 'cure' I'm going to get.

There are four options available to any problem situation. 'Battling' isn't one of them, except as part of option one - solving the problem. Terminal and chronic illnesses have no solution, so battling would be a waste of energy.

Acceptance is a necessary part of option two - changing your perception. You can't alter your perception of a situation until you've accepted that it's real. I think this where a lot of the inspirational people are at, and it'd be better for everyone if the healthy & able folks acknowledged it instead of fudging their language.

Denial - whether it's implying that I'm "well" or that Doreen could have battled harder - makes things easier for the speaker, but harder for the person working on their acceptance.

[TowerRavenSeven]

Yanbu but when I was going through chemo I just let it roll off me. I had co workers tell me I was inspirational and I wanted to ask them did they expect me to just curl up and croak? I mean what was my alternative?

[Wagglebees]

Misc I've heard all of those too. I find myself putting extra make up on and practicing a happy smiling face in the mirror just before I see someone now so they don't think I'm 'giving in' or vanish from my life like so many others have now I'm not as fun as I used to be. I'd just like them to say 'it is really shit and unfair and we are here for you.'. Sorry you have to deal with it.

The fact is being very ill is really shit and unglamorous and not much fun at all but people don't want to face up to that, it's easier if the ill person is made other by making them into a hero. It makes it less pointless.

[Wagglebees]

^made into a hero by other people I mean.

Garlick worded it much much better.

[hazeyjane]

I had a very 'curable' cancer and had a year of 5 days of chemo/break of 5 days/5 days of chemo.

I knew I was lucky to have a cancer that had a very high cure rate, but the treatment and the fact that it was part of a lost pregnancy was hard.

Dh and I closeted ourselves away, apart from seeing our very closest friends (who I had to stay with when treatment was in London) who would let me be normal (and moaning and miserable and cross!) - because everyone including family, expected me to be stoical and brave, and when I wasn't it seemed to disappoint them.

I remember one person coming around to tell me how worried she was about me, 'well yes, I have a tumour the size of a grapefruit in my womb, have been having the equivalent of a heavy period for 8 months, have had about a hundred cannulas and blood tests, have mouth ulcers in every corner of my mouth and despite being desperate for children have just lost a baby and been told that we can't ttc for another 2 years......' so fair enough to be worried. But no, she wasn't worried about all that, she was worried because I 'wasn't being positive enough.....was staying at home a lot......wasn't making an effort to see people....' I don't think I was playing the part of 'the ill person' in the way she wanted me to. I didn't see much of her for a long time.

[wannabestressfree]

hazey

[hazeyjane]

I am very lucky though - this was 12 years ago, I am on lifetime follow up (bi annual blood tests), and there are some health things I have to look out for. And dh and I managed to have 3 beautiful children 3 years after chemo finished.

[OhSoggyBiscuit]

I have Autism and I'm quite happy to just be me and stay out of the limelight!! I see myself as pretty much a normal, kind of lazy, sometimes a bit too negative 21 year old. Hardly a inspiration.

[IsThatYouPaul]

I have cancer. I'm a right lazy selfish little madam sometimes.

I was before, just get away with it with bells on now.

[munkisocks]

"Your grandad was so inspirational. He had cancer and died when his kidneys failed. Always smiling and thinking positive." says my mum.

Don't think you'd be quite singing his praises if you ever find out what he did to me when I was a teenager, mum.

[Dollymixtureyumyum]

Not sure if this is going to sound a bit horrible but in the media a good few years ago a lady with cancer raised a lot of money through doing various things. I remember once she was on a bike ride for a few weeks and there was a picture of her and her daughers before she did it and the daughers looked so sad and unhappy. I remember thinking you have done a lot and that's great but maybe spend your remining time now with your family and little girls who need you to be there for them as much as possible.

[PainSnail]

Oh god yes. I have a chronic illness against which there is no "battling" and people definitely expect me to play the part of smiley sick person. I refuse.

[Garlick]

Not so sure about that, Dolly. Children would be sad, knowing their mother was sick and going die. I hate to suggest this, but might your feeling about how she 'should' spend her time have come from a similar desire to make her illness more comfortable for you?

Many dying parents now make memory books/boxes for their children. This is 'inspirationally' accepting, imo.

Sorry about what your grandad did to you, munki, and that you couldn't talk to your mother about it.