Friend wanting to be picked up from airport late at night

[BeadyEyes]

A good friend of ours is coming back from a trip and his flight was supposed to land at 10:30pm. DH very kindly agreed to go and pick him up from the airport (10 miles away). Now it transpires that the plane is over an hour late and will be getting in close to midnight. We have two young kids one of whom is very unsettled at night. The reason a friend doesn't want to get a taxi is the cost (not huge). DH is too nice to refuse!

By way of background, both us and our friend and his wife (one child) earn about the same amount of money ( not much) but they also own (no mortgage) two impressively expensive houses while we are paying off a mortgage on a cramped little house...in other words, I'd just pay for a cab and wouldn't expect a lift!

AIBU to be pissed off at my friend for having the cheek to ask, and still expect to be picked up even when the flight is delayed?

[AbeSaidYes]

would definitely pick a friend up from an airport only ten miles away and I am a pretty mean person.

YABU

[WorraLiberty]

caravanista "It's what friends do."

EatShitDerek "Friends do shit like this for each other"

Yes, I think you might have to go on because nowhere can I find them saying "Friends should be willing to do anything for a favour"

[smellylittleorange]

Lol intrigued how mean you are Abe

[GoblinLittleOwl]

So it is all right for your husband to collect at 10.30 pm but not 11.30pm.
Don't get it.
And you can't cope with an unsettled child on your own in the evening for a few hours?

[NumbBlaseCold]

YANBU to be pissed off if you feel that way however it should be directed to yourself and your DH who agreed to this, not to the friend who just asked a favor.

You had the choice not too.

If your DH agrees to then that is his choice.

Do not offer or agree if you don't want to follow through.

Next time say No.

If you feel they take advantage of you then think, 'that's only because we let them'.

[BerylCreep]

I would only agree to pick up from the airport if the person was actually staying with me.

I'd say no. Although it is really early in the day - how do they know that the flight is going to be over an hour late at this time of the day?

[Alibabsandthe40Musketeers]

If I go on holiday I expect to sort out my own transport. I would expect everyone else to do the same.

There are a lot of favours that I would do for a friend, things which can't necessarily be achieved by spending money. Last minute childcare, dropping round bread/milk/calpol when they are stuck at home with ill children, writing them a character reference for a job - all kinds of things.

Picking them up from an airport late at night when a taxi would cost a fraction of the cost of the trip is not on the list, because it says that they value their own money ahead of my time and costs. Not the actions of a friend, IMO.

[BadgersBum]

I only work part time, my friend has a very good full time job and earns 6 times as much as me. I'd still pick her up from the airport, even if she phoned as the plane landed, never mind if it had been arranged in advance, she'd probably insist on giving me petrol money though.

In fact, she once got me out of bed to go and let her dog out for a wee and give him some food, because she was stuck at the hospital with her DH who had had a major operation.

Both her and her DH have done favours for us loads of times in the past too, moved house for me, bought me essential household items (without being asked) when I left my ex etc. it's what you do.

Basically it's up to you, do it, don't do it, but if you chose the latter, as your friend I'd probably be very reluctant to return favours in the future.

[tobysmum77]

Basically it's up to you, do it, don't do it, but if you chose the latter, as your friend I'd probably be very reluctant to return favours in the future.

Tbh that's fine, I very rarely ask favours off friends and if I got the slightest vibe that you didn't want to I'd be fine with this.

I just wonder if the op was me saying:
'A friend agreed to look after my children in the school holidays while I went to work. This week I found out that the day she is looking after them I have to get to work an hour earlier than usual. She's now saying that she can't have them that early, I think she should have them anyway and get up earlier. AIBU?' I would be called all the rude entitled cahs under the sun.... And for the record like transport to the airport I sort out paid childcare!

[tobysmum77]

Worra o....k..... You win well done you

[Favouritethings]

Your husband is a kind friend.. You on the other hand..

[ElderlyKoreanLady]

An hour isn't a huge delay and let's face it, delays are very common. Your DH knew this was a possibility when he agreed.

Their mortages are completely irrelevant, as are their finances in general...if the friend isn't planning on carrying cash because he thinks he's getting a lift then being let down last minute means he runs the risk of not being able to get back if the airport cash point isn't working (the one at my local airport is comically bad). Doesn't matter how much is in the bank.

Are your children more unsettled at 11 than 10? And can you not handle that alone?

If there's nothing more to this than you're being unreasonable and resentful. Friends do favours for each other. This is a favour that your DH has agreed to do for his friend. An awful lot of people arrange lifts home from the airport rather than get taxis or pay for long term parking.

[Anastasie]

It depends on the context. If these people have form for demanding favours and never offering any in return, then I can see your point.


If they are nice people who give as much as they take then that's fine.

[NerrSnerr]

There always the chance that it was going to be late so that should have been taken into account when he agreed. It would be shit of him to let his friend down now.

[putcustardonit]

I think i'd like to know the context here.

Did he ask or did DH offer?
Would he do the same for you?
Is it LH or SH?
How good a friend is he?

On the face of it it does seem a bit mean to now refuse but maybe there's more of a back story.

[Ain626]

I think if your DH had already agreed to pick the friend up, well, its because they are friends and not to do with the finances - so finances shouldn't come in to it. It's just a friend doing a favour for a friend.

If the flight is delayed then I'm assuming your DH doesn't need to leave the house until even later, therefore the DCs should definitely be asleep by the time he leaves. They don't even need to know that he is going to leave the house...

If I was the friend flying in then I probably would have called and explained that the flight was delayed and the new time. On realising that it was so late I would have said that I could get a cab if that's too late.

If I was the friend doing the picking up and receiving that call I probably would have said that I would pick them up anyway as that what I had agreed to do. Unless there was something very important happening early the next morning. In which case I probably would have said no to picking them up from the airport in the first place with a time of 10.30pm.

Friends help friends out.

IF it had been a situation where you've been in similar situations and the friends hadn't been so great at helping your family out (on several occasions) then maybe I'd be a bit pissed off. But otherwise I would say your DH is just doing a nice thing for his friend.

[Utterlyclueless]

Toby you're over invested.

[MackerelOfFact]

I don't understand why how much they earn in relation to you makes any difference - will it cost more to collect at 11.30 instead of 10.30?

Also - if the friend has let you know before the flight takes off that it's been delayed, your DH won't be out for any longer than he would have been.

However if DH didn't actually find out about the delay until he arrived at the airport, wouldn't it be a total waste of time and petrol to turn round and go back home again without collecting the friend for the sake of an hour?

Delays are annoying but they do happen. If he didn't want to do it, he shouldn't have agreed!

[ConferencePear]

I live near an airport and I find that it can be a problem to find a taxi on the rank that will take you a short distance. They all want to get a fare that will be going a long way. It's a kind thing to do to pick your friend up and he may be able to repay the favour some time.

[DamnBamboo]

Toby, honestly! calm down!

You suggest a sample text for the DH to get out of it (even though he said he would) and then starting adding in a whole bunch of other stuff that nobody has even intimated.

You wouldn't do it. You would say no. Good for you.

[Bimblywibble]

I think it doesn't help that you're asking a population who's 99% female.

Alibabs lists favours she'd do - emergency childcare, dropping round groceries, writing character references. Apart from the last, my very unenlightened dad would never dream of doing those favours for anyone. He never does a jot of housework and he never cooks a meal. But picking people up from the airport he has done dozens of times, even in the middle of the night. I think it's a sort of gallantry kind of thing. And he does it gladly. He'd never expect my mum or me to do the same, but he asks my brother to and my bro does because he is returning past favours.

I'm not saying it's right, I'd prefer to have grown up in a less sexist household. But I do think this has historically been a more "blokey" favour and a mainly male audience would be more inclined to think of this as a more run of the mill thing for the friend to ask, and for your DH to do.

[ScarletRuby2]

I would (and have done) picked friends up at the airport in the early hours of the morning. In fact I'm taking the afternoon off work tomorrow to pick my friends parents up from the airport. But that's the kind of relationship we have. I don't know if that's the same for you.

However I do think YABU because you are looking for excuses why your DH shouldn't do it. Your financials and children have absolutely nothing to do with this, and I agree there is clearly something else going on here.

[NorbertDentressangle]

I don't get your concern OP . Does your DH turn into a pumpkin at midnight?

Surely it's no later than if he was to go out for a few drinks or a meal (but this will be without the hangover/fuzzy head the next day).

It's not going to affect you or your children. He's doing a favour for a friend who would presumably do a favour for your DH in return if he ever needed it.

[Namechangenell]

I think in the days when flying was far more glamorous and people flew less often, it was a big thing to collect someone from the airport. These days, it's like jumping on a bus for many people and so there's hardly the same kudos attached. If I fly, I get a cab at the other end. Or hire a car. Or jump on a train. I don't expect someone else to go out of their way to give me a lift, in exactly the same way I wouldn't if I needed to go on a long motorway journey. Why make someone else responsible for getting me from A-B? Just because a big metal tube in the sky is involved, it doesn't change anything!

OP - YABU now as your DH agreed. However, I think his friend was cheeky to ask when it hardly sounds like he's landing in Luanda at 3am.