advice needed (pet related ).

[woollyandtig]

Posting here for traffic and opinions .


We as a family made hard to decision to rheometer our cat trixy (she is 3). We came to this decision after exploring other avenues and a lot of debating, but it was best thing for all of us . She wasn't keen on our youngest ds and had scratched him more than once and more impotantly we simple arent here enough for her and neighbours have menioned yhe constant meowing when we are out , Other than that she is the perfect cat . So anyway we found a perfect family for her last week they have 2 teenagers and another female cat . They came and collected her on monday and now have began calling saying she there other cat doesn't like her ( don't know what they where expecting after 3 days ) .
They want to bring her back and get there money back (token amount and not important at all). My main concern is eldest dd has aspergers and this whole thing has been hard enough on her without confusing the life out of her by bringing the cat back, but what can I do ? I don't want cat suffering but if she returns I don't know how to explain it to the kids . It doesn't seem fair on anyone . Wwyd ?

[PurpleHairAndPearls]

I almost feel sorry for op as they are going to get such a kicking on here.

I'm on a thoughtful thread just at the moment where people are discussing having a DC with disabilities before they conceive (for various reasons) and the contrast between that and then someone just acquiring a living animal with no thought and then discarding it is eye opening. It's made me feel very angry. I should probably step away from AIBU today!

[patienceisvirtuous]

Get the cat back. Make things work as best you can til you can rehome her through a rescue (a lot will do direct rehome where she stays with you til they find someone suitable).

Poor cat shoved from pillar to post...

[BarbarianMum]

God, stop giving the Op such a hard time. She/they took in a cat they possibly didn't even want, tried to make it work and it isn't. Perhaps you think she should give up work to be with it or re home her baby?

It is also good practice to make a small charge when re homing to help deter "impulse rehomers" and those that like a bargin

[Booboostwo]

Ask your vet about Prozac, it works wonders for stress animals who do not respond to pheromones/Zylkene.

[Booboostwo]

Sorry, pressed post too soon.

See what else you can do to make her environment more entertaining when you are out, e.g. Climbing frames, access to look out of windows, toys, etc. was she an outdoor cat previously and has to adjust to living indoors now?

[Janeymoo50]

I too was ready to flame the owner, volunteering for a cat resuce as I do - we see a lot of this scenario (some a lot worse however). It happens though, and in fairness I do think the OP has tried (and at least didn't just dump the cat on the street). I think there are further avenues to be explored at present with this little cat and hopefully there will be a happy ending for all concerned.

[ChewlipsFromHamsterDan]

Poor cat

Try having a long hard think before you entertain the thought of bringing another animal into your home in future.

[bellyflabby]

It took about 9 weeks for us to integrate our two cats with my mums when we moved into her house. It takes time and patience and needs to be done fairly. The poor little cat.

My littlest cat is an attacker, but we've taught our dds 4years and 18 months to be gentle with them, and if we notice our youngest annoying the small cat we just say "no away" , and she leaves her alone. The cats also leave the room if they are told to do so.

[April2013]

Theres also pet rescue remedy (not the human one), how about a family member having her during the week or taking her with you when you go away? Is she fine when she is with people? Know any retired people who would like to cat sit?

[woollyandtig]

Boobs she was an outdoor cat , dhs mother always said she didn't go out much so we thought she would adapt to the change without too much hassle. She has tons of toys she has climbing posts , scratching posts and random ball circuit toys and treat balls. She spends a lot of time up at the window snoozing , when we are in the house she is ok though as I said spends most of time avoiding the kids.

I appreciate all the replies even the negative ones they are all fair enough , it is a shame for the cat which is why we have been trying our hardest to find the right home. As for selling her the token amount was £15 and was purely to deter impulse buyers, we where advised to do this by one of the rescues we contacted. Maybe it was wrong thing bit I don't see how this situation would have been any better if we had given her for free surely if anything she would be more at risk ? .

We have discussed medicating her and it seems so cruel to do that to her for potentially the rest of her life but if it what needs to be done we will.
Thanks to the one or two posters who where understanding , this isn't a decision we have made lightly it has took months and months of exploring other avenues to even get to this point.

[Janeymoo50]

Some of the medication is non prescription (Zylkene for example can be purchased on Amazon - cheaper than the vets, or at VETUK). Plus look at the CatChat forum too - huge amounts of advice www.catchat.org/felineforum.

[LisaD1]

Have you tried leaving a radio on when you go out? Not sure if would work with cats but it keeps my puppy quiet when I do the school run ( I know it works as got DH to do drop off and I stayed upstairs). Just on low volume.

Also, a routine helps, even with cats, all animals get security from a routine, it's when chaos reins they generally struggle.

Have you got a local cats protection? They are great for advice if you are going to keep the cat and also great at rehoming, just a friendly voice at the end of the phone might help.

[ScribblerOnTheRoof]

Hi OP

Sorry you have had to put up with so much abuse on this thread. You probably shouldn't have posted in AIBU.

These aggressive posters may well think they are doing the cat a favour by telling you how evil you are, however they aren't providing any practical advice!

I have owned lots of cats and never experienced seperation anxiety before! As previous posters have suggested, Feliway is a great start. It is hard rehoming an older cat, a rescue may be your only option. In the meantime try and keep the cat and child seperated.

Have a read of this

Good luck OP

[Crazypetlady]

Is the cat neutered O.P sorry if you have mentioned it I have scanned through? My cat is getting neutered next week and is very loud when she is feeling 'in the mood'

[paulapompom]

Hi op would the 'new' homers give it a bit longer? Cats often need time to adapt to new cats, but it can work. I think they are giving up very quickly.

If not then I think you need to take the cat back, it sounds like you provide a nice environment with lots of enrichment but it's hard when theyare uused to going out, even if it was just for an hour or so.

Good luck op

[Booboostwo]

Prozac is very cheap and usually effective after a few months so that you can then take the cat off it, it would not be for life.

The other option is to get her a friend but I appreciate how mad it sounds to go from wanting to rehome one cat to keeping her and getting another one.

[SummerNights1986]

get their money back"?! You actually sold her for money. I can't get over that

Why?

Dh and I rehomed our two dogs a few years ago. I really don't need a bashing over it - we were young and irresponsible and should never have got them, which I see now. And take full responsibility for.

We had two beautiful but high energy and high maintenance dogs. Fine when it was just us. When ds1 came along two years later it was hard. And we rehomed them shortly after ds2 was born. The dogs were suffering, we were suffering. The stupid choice for us was getting them when we were TTC...rehoming them was the best decision we made, for us and them...anyway.

We 'sold' them for £300.00 and they were rehomed together. We spent months over rehoming them, did home checks, the works. The £300.00 wasn't because we wanted the money, it was because we wanted the new owner to be so sure they wanted to home then that they were willing to pay.

Giving them away free to any Tom Dick or Larry who wanted them on a whim would have been far worse IMO.

[whatsforsupper]

In this instance I think Wooly is being bashed for no good reason.

Firstly, they took the cat in after her Dh's Mum died, they have since had a kid and the cat seems quite unhappy.

She'd didn't dump the cat she found a person who wanted a cat and asked for a token payment which is something Id always advise.

She's now taking the cat back!

The cat could still be adjusting to your home after its owner died they can take a while to adjust, does she enjoy you guys at all.

I've had really miserable rescue cats I don't think this situation is doomed.

[LeftMyRidingCropInTheMortuary]

Rehome DS?



I have a rescue cat. They can be outdoors even in a flat.

cant believe new owners want a refund. If you rehome again research them better.

at least you inherited cat so not as bad as I initially thought.

[LokiDokey]

Try having a long hard think before you entertain the thought of bringing another animal into your home in future

Try reading the thread in future. Especially this bit:

We inherited her after dhs mother passed away 18 months ago

Or do you just enjoy kicking someone when they're down?

[LeftMyRidingCropInTheMortuary]

To be the devil's advocate, OP is now rightly thinking it might have been better to rehome her immediately rather than make her go through so many upheavals in her wee short life.

What age is she, OP? Almost kinder to put her to sleep. That's what my ex-PILs did when exDP's gran died, leaving her elderly dog.

[LeftMyRidingCropInTheMortuary]

Sorry, you said she is only 3. Ignore.

Just research the new owners beforehand this time!

[pumpkinpie5]

I work for a national animal rehoming charity and cover your area. We are a little quieter now as kitten season is dying down so if you would like to pm me I can send you details of how to get her on a waiting list to come into us. It wouldn't be too long a wait and we can find a suitable home for her going forward. If you would be interested in that option I'm sure we can help x

[woollyandtig]

Sorry for delay in replying we have just been to collect her and she seems ok now she's home , she has had big feed and is snoozing in her bed.
Booboostwo we have been discussing idea of getting her company but I don't think we can the flat is pretty cramped as it is and I would worry that they might not get on and situation could end up worse.

Leftmyriding I would probably get bashed less for rehousing ds we can't let her out unfortunately the flat has locked communal back door and as we are top floor 3 up we can't let her use windows, we also live next to a very busy main road.

Thanks for understanding summernights the money was for nothing more than to deter the wrong sort of buyer we gave new owners full bag of litter and 48 pack of cat food (she is fussy and only eats pouches) which cost more than the token amount.
Whatsfordinner I think a lot of the issues are to do with her missing mil , mil doted on her and was with her 24/7 it must be such a shock to her system. She spent first fortnight crying and hiding from us.

I feel really guilty for putting her threw the last few days but please know I didn't do it on a whim I genuinely thought she would have a better , happier life with someone who was around more .

We haven't decided on a long term plan but right now we just want to make her feel safe and secure again. We missed her like crazy the few days she was away . Kids are thrilled she is back too.


Sorry not sure who asked but yes she is dressed .

Felliway is back in and back to drawing board on plan for her , we would love to keep her if she is happy here . It's hard to know what to do for the best on one hand rehousing is cruel but if she is as upset as neighbours keep telling me she is then is that fair on her either ? .

[BatteryOperatedBoyfriend]

So what happens when you go away for the weekend? Does she have to stay outside?