To feel hurt by this?

[TheStripyGruffalo]

My work colleagues had a social event last night, all over FB are pictures of them having a great time. I wasn't invited to the event and didn't know it was happening, in fact I clearly wasn't meant to know it was happening as I was chatting to some colleagues about their plans for the weekend and they all said that they had were having a quiet weekend at home. From the photos, everybody went. The manager of the department was there, he rarely goes to social events and he commented on one of the photos that he had been looking forward to it and what a good night it was.

[Birdsgottafly]

X post.

[Seeyounearertime]

Damn that second update, makes my first post irrelevant. :)

Of you organised a party for 20 people at your house would you invite every person you've ever had a chat with? Probably not OP, you'd invite the closest first, acquaintances if there's room.

[2ndSopranosRule]

My line manager once had a garden party for the entire department and their plus ones apart from me. I was extremely hurt. Everyone was talking about it on the Monday. But then she treats me differently as a rule.

As a general rule I don't get invited to anything. I'm not friends with any of them on fb and whole days can go by where I don't speak to anyone. Sometimes it'll get to 3 p.m. and someone will say "Oh, we didn't think you were in today!"

I love my actual job, btw.

[Axekick]

I think the other people may have lied because they felt awkward. But really the other colleague has a right to have a party and invite who he wants. If you don't know him that well, but have the same work mates, it doesn't mean he must invite you.

Although, I wouldn't have a party and exclude only one person from work. Were you the only one not there?

[BondJayneBond]

I don't think it's odd that a colleague you don't work with and don't know well wouldn't invite you to a party at his house.

But it is odd that your other colleagues lied about their plans to attend this party. The lying about it would be annoying and leave me wondering WTF was going on there.
It's all very well saying that they lied to spare OP's feelings, but surely they'd know that there's a fair chance it would be mentioned around OP and OP would find out? That's worse than OP finding out about the party beforehand.

So yeah... not being invited to the party? Unreasonable to get upset about that. But I'd be upset about my other colleagues lying about it.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Yanbu at all, that was hurtful, especially as they lied to you, they obviously did not want you to know, they know what they did was not right. Your manager was in this as well , that is awful. If they were fine with their decision, they would have been honest and upfront. Its the deceit I don't like, and your manager was involved in this. I would be having a chat with him about how I feel.

[LadyLonely1]

I also don't think your manager is answerable for this at all. Work event yes, get together at someone's home then no.
The other colleagues might have felt awkward but again it's not their home so not their place to complain too.
The only person you could possible ask is the host.

[Aeroflotgirl]

It is awful, the deceit was not nice at all, shows a lack of respect.

[WitchWay]

They ought to have said they were going out for dinner or something rather than lying IMO but I don't see why you would have necessarily been included.

If they had all been out at a restaurant of a club without you then I agree you might have found it upsetting. That is not what happened though.

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

You can't question your manager on this. It wasn't a work event, and it happened outside if work time. They didn't even mention it to you on work time (although is unfortunate that you saw it ON FB).

Your manager attending doesn't make it a work event and he'd have no authority to suggest that everyone from work wss invited, it was someone's personal get together in their house. The only thing your manager could do is not attend this type of even and that's unreasonable to expect. He's allowed a social life too.

That said, I can see why you'd be upset and I do sympathise. There's not much that will alleviate that feeling of being left out, even if you know it isn't personal and you just don't know these people that well. I'd try to take your mind off it until this passes, and either avoid Facebook for a while or unfollow your colleagues so you don't see their escapades. Knowledge isn't power if it leaves you upset.

[TheStripyGruffalo]

No, I'm not a drama queen and I sure as hell wouldn't turn up invited, nor would I question my manager about it. I just dislike having been lied to, I mean if they said they were going to a party at Sam's house (not his real name) I'd have just said 'have a good time' and meant it.

[ThatsDissapointing]

It's just one of those things. They haven't been U and you are not being U to feel left out.
I'd try and forget about it. No harm was intended.

What about keeping Facebook just for very close friends and family.

[LadyLonely1]

It could be that they didn't want all the awkwardness so just lied. It's not like they could do much anyway.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

Reminds me of the behaviour of some school mums who invite everyone in the class to their dc's party except one child.

I knew that someone would mention this.

[SacredHeart]

I have to admit I have been that person invited to a party by a work friend and lied to another work friend about it.

I did it because I honestly thought the heart can't mourn what the eyes can't see. There was nothing I could do to change it and I don't want the friend to feel left out. Just like this instance I got caught out by Facebook and had some grovelling to do.

Luckily my friend was cool about it but I've learned to be honest in the future even if it does hurt people.

I think you have to be realistic, these people weren't being malicious not telling you, they probably wanted to protect you from being hurt. You have every right to be crestfallen for not being invited but I wouldn't burn bridges with people for it.

[8reasonstohide]

If others in your department were not invited, I would say YABU and a tad sensitive.

If you were THE ONLY ONE from your department not invited, then YANBU and like Aeroflotgirl said, is very insensitive and mean especially as others obviously knew you were not invited otherwise they wouldn't have lied.

I am sort of in your boat this morning too. I 'knew' there was a party last night and current and ex-colleagues were invited. The colleague who hosted it is a good 'acquaintance' of mine (changed to acquaintance because quite clearly, NOT her friend). I knew the party was going ahead because she was talking about it a few months ago when I saw her and when I went into work (currently on leave), I saw a poster about it with names of individuals who were attending, including those who had moved onto pastures new over a year ago. The 'expiry date' for notifying the organiser (birthday party) had expired by the time I saw it and I did wonder why 'acquaintance' didn't mention it; especially as she had my mobile number and had been periodically in contact with me prior to the party - except the past 12 weeks oddly! I saw it on FB last night via a mutual friend (birthday girl not on FB) and I left a message of: "Didn't know it was xxxx'x birthday party. Hope you all had a good time". it gives the message of, I know what you have gone and done, i have acknowledged the party that was kept from me but I am taking a mature stance and wishing everyone well even though I am seething inside that I have been left out, forgotten and ASSUMED that I wouldn't want to come due to having had a baby in the past few months

A few years ago there was a Christmas party organised at work (a lot of them different colleagues as they've all moved on) and because there was only 15 places, the organiser then went and asked her closest colleagues and chosen few FIRST and then put the list on the staffroom noticeboard with only 2 places left. Another colleague was told and in the middle of lessons (I was present when this occurred as I was on my break) walked into the staff room to put her own name down and another colleague's. There was uproar in the school! (I work in a school, can you guess???) A lot of staff members - the majority - were angry that we had been left out and wasn't a 'first come, first served' whereas me and others were cross because only one venue had been chosen. So said party was cancelled and a colleague who wasn't invited found a venue only a few doors down form the original that could host EVERYONE. Everyone who wasn't invited to the first went, whereas those who were chosen to go to the first venue and then 'didn't' because the HT cancelled it so we thought didn't attend. But a few days later, I asked HT about his plans and he said he was going out as it was his DD's birthday and he never misses her birthday (HT was one of those invited to the first venue) but I realised that that night was the night they were supposed to going out to the first venue. I then bumped into another colleague and I said "Enjoy your night at xxxxx" and she blushed and said "oh". And the secretary of the school then talked about how she drunk too much at the party on Friday night and others were joining in. I said "Thought it was cancelled, clearly lied didn't you?" The room fell silent as they were found out and I walked out.

Just wanted to say, you're not alone. There are some selfish and mean people who will take every opportunity to ignore others, leave people out and make them feel like outcasts.

[BoffinMum]

Two of my colleagues got married and invited everyone in our bit of the department except me. It was rubbed in my face as well, very much a 'who is in' and 'who is out' thing. Now I have moved on to a better job and their department is at risk of closure. Ha!

[Lemonfizzypop]

It's up to the host who comes and if you don't know him that well then he has no reason to invite you really, especially as it was at his home and not a bar/restaurant or whatever.

Bit odd that your colleagues were cagey about it though, perhaps they sensed (rightly) that you were the kind of person to feel insensitive about this stuff!

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

I don't know if it'll help to think about this from the other side?

One of my close friends is having a birthday party soon. She's been planning it for months. She's one of those people who gets on with everyone and she changed jobs recently, so she hasn't invited everyone from where I work. It's a big party, with a dress up element, and people will go straight from work. Two people have even come across from Europe for it. As far as I know, the people not invited in the office won't know about it. I did mention a few people that she was particularly close too incase she had forgotten them but nothing. I know they'll be upset because they think they are close to her. The first bit is at hers, so she does have limitations as she has flat mates and other houses around her, but the second bit is at the pub so she could have invited people to that. They will no doubt see it on Facebook during the night.

It puts me in an awkward situation because if I mention it, I hurt people that I don't want to hurt. If I don't, when they see me there, they'll know I lied by omission. I'll probably just say I'm going to hers if anyone asks what I'm doing.

They probably didn't mean to hurt you. It can be a minefield.

[TheStripyGruffalo]

Lemon how am I being insensitive?

[Bunbaker]

Life was far simpler before social media when it comes to this sort of thing.

[hiddenhome2]

It's up to people who they invite to their get togethers.

Perhaps you just aren't on their radar. Find some friends who do want you to hang out with them.

[MagicalMrsMistoffelees]

Agree Bunbaker, social media is not kind.

In this instance I wouldn't feel left out as the party host doesn't know you that well.

Also I wouldn't be upset with friends saying they had a quiet weekend planned. When I'm asked about my weekend plans I automatically think of Saturday and Sunday - a Friday night wouldn't enter my head. Perhaps I'm in the minority but it's worth considering others may think like this too.

[Lemonfizzypop]

Sorry stripy I meant sensitive

[TheStripyGruffalo]

Lemon :)