To think that it's ok that I didn't bond with my son straight away?

[guajiraguantanamera]

Just that really! It's taken me 5 months to feel a deep bond with my beautiful ds and while I feel guilty about that sometimes, there must surely be other mums out there that felt overwhelmed at the start and struggled to bond a bit! Or aibu??

[yorkshirepuddingacademy]

It took me a good 2 months to feel a deep bond with my DD. I certainly didn't feel it whilst I was pregnant with her, nor did I feel it just after I'd given birth. Talk about baptism of fire, I've never been so petrified in my whole life. I wanted to send her back to the hospital for the first 6 weeks!!

[Mumoftwinsandanother]

I bonded with one DT and not the other. Not sure why exactly although the DT I bonded with was smaller and had more of a fight to start with, I worried about her weight gain. She was a placid happy baby despite being small. The DT I didn't bond with was physically much healthier but cried loudly, a lot. You could never sit and cuddle her you had to be walking around. By about 3-4 months I had bonded with both but it took a while for me to stop thinking (in my head at least) that I preferred the quieter twin. Now they are nearly 8 and I love them both equally.

[WorldsBiggestGrotbag]

For me it was when I started to feel the overwhelming love. Before that I was just going through the motions- feed/wind/cuddle/coo over, but really she was just a tiny being who I didn't know. When I started to see glimpses of personality she became a real person to be and that's when I felt like I started to bond with her.

[Narp]

Of course it's OK

My bond with my first grew. It was overshadowed by anxiety, exhaustion, feeding difficulties and pain for a while.

You have years to build that relationship

Mine is as strong with my first and is is with my second 9with whom I bonded straightaway

[WyrdByrd]

MissEeerie your mum sounds like a very sensible woman!

[sproketmx]

It is ok. Took me a few weeks to bond with my section one. Think it was because he was handed to his dad first and I wasn't allowed to see him for 24 hours after he was born because he was in neonatal and I had a blood transfer then he was taken to a sick kids hosp for an op. I did everything he needed but just didn't feel the bond like the rest. When it did come it was fine tho

[Mrsjayy]

I think when you start liking being with them is bonding im not sure really maybe others will explain better

[ArriettyMatilda]

I'm a bit worried because I'm not really sure I get what you all mean about bonding? What is it and how do I know I've bonded with my toddler?

[MissEeerie]

When I was pregnant my Mum told me 'If you don't love it straight away, don't worry. That rush of love stuff is bollocks' This helped me a lot!

[GirlInTheDirtyShirt]

It took me about a year. No shame in it - all his needs were met and I sort of faked it until I made it. Then one day I just fell completely in love with him and it's been that way ever since. I think it's a lot more common than you think OP, don't be hard on yourself!

[madmother1]

I remember the precise moment of bonding withy then 5 month old daughter. We were "dancing" to "Martin Mccutchin.....This is my moment" A bit slushy but true. Ive told my now 15 year old daughter about it. Enjoy your DS.

[User24689]

Thank you so much for this thread. I'm really struggling adjusting to life with my 5 week old DD (first DC) and have been so worried I will somehow damage her through not bonding/ being so anxious. All these stories are so reassuring.

[MustBeThursday]

My DD is 18 months now and this thread has made me feel so relieved. All anyone ever seems to talk about (in real life, anyway) is how much they loved their child instantly. I thought it was just me - I felt like I was pretending all the time and that something was wrong with me that I didn't love her enough. Especially as I'd loved feeling her move in pregnancy.

In hindsight, I was pretty shellshocked after labour. She was a week early, I arrived at hospital fully dilated and pushing (in a taxi through school traffic ), had to go to theatre after, readmitted a few days later for complications, plus moving twice in 6 months, probably didn't help on top of normal new mom hormones. And for weeks she would not sleep except on someone's chest!

I have been worried about if I'd find it hard to bond with a (hypothetical at this point!) second baby, but I feel better that I wouldn't be the only one.

I hope you feel reassured too, OP.

[HazelBite]

I didn't want to be pregnant with DS2, I was disappointed he wasn't the daughter I wanted, he was taken away from me at birth, and was in special care then away from me as I was discharged long before he was.
Difficult to feed, loads of medical appointments I felt detached from this physically very attractive child until he was about 2. Then it hit me one day what a little lovable infuriating gorgeous charming little chap he was and how much I loved him.

He is now 32, whilst I love all my sons DS2 is the one I am closest to.

[CarlaJones]

Sorry, when the bonding never happens

[CarlaJones]

It's fine. I took a bit of time to do bond with dd2 but we couldn't be closer nowadays. It's when the not bonding never happens that it's a problem

[Mrsjayy]

I bonded with my prem in an incubater baby quicker than my first baby just had a thought maybe its the first experience of labour and having the hit by a train thing. I remember after dd1 i was like fecking hell what was that about

[slightlyconfused85]

Course it's okay. It took me a couple of months to bond with my first dc. Sleep deprivation, feeding difficulties, birth recovery can make it very hard to feel overwhelming love straight away. Don't give it another thought!

[WyrdByrd]

I didn't get any skin to skin contact for hours, could this possibly have affected how I felt about him?

I think when your experience of birth differs so radically from what you expected/hoped for it's bound to have an effect - a bit like PTSD really.

I envisaged labouring at home whilst watching box sets and burning lavender oil, arriving at hospital 7cm deleted and transferring to pool for a water birth before trundling home the next day.

I was actually admitted two weeks late and 3 days after my waters broke for a drip induction. After 12 hours was only 2cm and on epidural, after another 12 hours they realised DD was trying to come into the world face first and back to back and rushed me off to theatre.

The first two nights we were in she stayed with the midwives as she struggled to BF and needed regular blood tests and AB's. We were discharged after 5 days then readmitted due to an incorrect diagnosis of severe jaundice.

It was certainly a bit of shock!

[Honeymonster01]

Good to read all these comments. No major rush of love when my son was born for me eithrr. Probably more a sense of shell shock and, when we got home some nights wondering what on earth we had done. When other new mums talked about how much they adored their little ones I did wonder if there was something a bit wrong with me and why I hadn't been swept away with love for him. Definitely a gradual thing for me but now I couldn't imagine life without him. It's good to hear others felt the same too. Sometimes feels like you are the only one.

[MrsKoala]

I love being pregnant but i never really think about the baby inside me, if that makes sense. I just love being pregnant. I was expecting the rush of love with my first but really didn't feel it. I put it down to horrific labour and after effects. I would have done anything for him immediately, but just didn't feel "it". Second baby, different but also horrendous birth/experience. Same. It's only really when their actual personality starts to come out at approx 6mo that i start thinking, 'yeah i totally love you, as a real person. Not because i'm meant to, not because you came out of me and nearly broke me you bastard but because i actually love you for you'. And i personally think that's better for me than just loving automatically, regardless. I feel it's more about them as a person than them as a baby.

If i could i'd just be pregnant tho for the rest of my life, i love it.

[Mrsjayy]

Tbf a 5 month old is more fun (not the right word) than a newborn who eat sleep and poop

[guajiraguantanamera]

ratbag when I woke up a couple of hours after having ds, I asked for a drink of juice before I asked to see him lol. I felt exactly like that, as if I had been hit by a train!

[Ratbagcatbag]

Meh, after all the comments about rush of love straight after delivery, I expected bloody Cupid himself sat on a rainbow in the delivery room. Reality was very much me thinking "feck me, I feel like I've been hit by a train". It took me a good 12 weeks to even start feeling a connection. She's 2.5 now, I don't know when that deeper bond developed exactly but I absolutely adore her. If it helps I'm still happy to be away from her at work too, and I'm not one of these mums that pines all day about it. Stay at home mum suits some people but it wouldn't me.

I tell all my pregnant friends it's ok if the love isn't there straight away, one friends sister was really pissed off with me for "trying to spoil her sisters birth"

[Blackcloudsbrightsky]

Took me ages.