To ask how you solved fussy eating issues

[TreeBird16]

My just turned 2 year old is a crap eater and always has been. She never really got going on solids and has never eaten a dinner ever. She is not underweight and I am still breastfeeding her at night ( not at day to allow her get hungry). She eats porraige for breakfast, pesto, hummus, tomato soup, Apple sometimes, banana sometimes, and yogurts. That's pretty much the extent of it. My older child eats everything. I cook every night and offer fussy toddler the same as we all eat but she won't even taste it.

Anyone experienced this and turned things around?

[WanderingLily]

I've experienced it but I couldn't say i turned it around. You cannot make a small child eat anything. I slightly tried on occasion and ended up with jammed jaws or vomiting. When I took medicala dvice, the paediatrician took one look at my large, energetic boys and said "What do you want me to do? Put them on a drip? Walk back out and look at some actually sick kids."
They lived on RUBBISH for years - alphabites, milk, cheese, Happy meals, fishfingers, frozen cottage pies, no veg apart from carrots, eggs. You know, the diet that most of the world's kids would refrain from dying for.
Then they grew up and ate everything.
I don't know what the answer is but I wish I hadn't spent so many anguished hours thinking about it.

[AnitaBlake123]

Yup, 3 kids, all breast fed and weaned the same way. 6 and 1 yr olds eat anything I give them, 3yr old eats: cereal, yoghurt, meat, carrots and apples. Thriving on it.... Hoping he will grow out of it. Mostly watch him walk away from evening meals. Feel for you.

[HackerFucker22]

Fussy eater here too - he is almost 3 and eats a very limited selection of food... hardly any of which would pass the MN test!!!

He rarely manages his 5 a day (we've tried bribery, hiding diced veg / chopped fruit in things he does eat, praise, buffet style dinners, eating with his older cousins) and to be honest I'm sick of it. The waste of food and money is so annoying!! I still offer veg or fruit or salad with virtually every meal and it is never taken up.

Sadly my DS suffers chronic constipation and his diet is the primary cause.

We did BLW and until he was about 18m he was an amazing eater. I really don't know what happened? But it's incredibly frustrating especially as he has an avoidable medical condition due to his fussiness.

I live in hope though. I continue to offer healthy foods, I don't give any treats or sweet stuff. If he doesn't ear dinner he gets something very plain (like crackers and cheese).

Today we've had
Yoghurt
Shreddies
Banana
Ham sandwich with a dot of mayo (cucumber and pepper sticks untouched)
Sausages and potato cake (peas and sweetcorn untouched)
Cheese and a few grapes

[drinkscabinet]

Even the best two year olds is quite fussy. We make the same thing for everyone, no-one has to eat something they don't like, and the older two (6&7) have to try a piece of everything. My eldest is not a fussy child at all, but she does have some things she doesn't like ('Mum, I'm really sorry, I've tried this artichoke and I don't like it') and that is absolutely fine. DD2 went through an incredibly fussy stage which definitely got worse if people Grandma complained about it. She's good at trying things now and has found more things that she likes and crucially discovered just because she doesn't like something cooked one way doesn't mean she won't like it cooked another way. DS is 2 and is quite fussy at the moment about strange things (doesn't like ham, who doesn't like ham?) but we let him eat as he wants and as he gets older he'll have to try things just like his sisters.

[BarbarianMum]

I stopped worrying that they weren't eating enough and sometimes they just weren't hungry.

They learnt that it wouldn't hurt them to eat things they didn't particularly like - and also that nothing else was on offer.

The above took a couple of years bw ages 2 and 4 to perfect.

[CrapBag]

I have a semi fussy eater. He is getting loads better now.

He ate everything when weaned and up until about 20 months old. He would lean over and take all of my peas and runner beans. The he started dropping meals and lots of other food. I didn't think anything of it at first and stopped giving it to him (which I now think was a mistake). Then it got to the point where he would only eat chilli con carne, chicken curry, spag bol and pasta. Dropped plain rice, has to be mixed with curry or chilli. All of those meals have to be mine not other people's, (with the exception of spag bol, he'll eat anyones). We have introduced new food and I realised at age 7 he actually eats quite a lot, all meat, not fish like he used to but loves tuna and salmon so I give him that when we have fish, he won't eat potatoes but loves a roast so he gets the meat, veg and extra yorkie. He would only eat broccoli and carrots but I mixed peas with his pasta sauce and he'll now eat them on their own. I can mix baby corn with his pasta sauce and curry and he'll eat it. He does love a lot of frozen crap but I always do veg with it. He recently tried white cabbage and really liked it! That was a mega breakthrough as getting him to actually try something has always been very difficult. I just kept asking him if he wanted to try something off our plate or would put a small bit on his. He seems more likely to try it if it's on our plate I have noticed. If it's on his he tends to pick it off straight away and dump it on someone else's. We make sure we praise him just for trying and if he doesn't like it tell him it doesn't matter but at least he tried and that's all we're asking. There is a lot he won't eat and some people do comment on it but when I compare him to others, friends or like on this thread, he actually eats quite a lot.

DD is 4 and a brilliant eater but she is starting to show signs of trying to drop foods and this time I'm not letting her. She loved cornbeef sandwiches but is now trying to say she doesn't like it, same with cheese. I told her it was cheese or nothing on holiday as she wasn't living on jam sandwiches and we weren't buying jam on holiday. One day she declared she does like cheese sandwiches again. If I'd let her get away with that she wouldn't be eating them now. I learnt with DS.

[CrapBag]

Oh and some of my cousins and my brothers were terribly fussy as children. A roast for my cousin was literally meat potatoes and salt and that was it. One brother wouldn't eat any veg at all.

Now they all eat loads of different stuff as adults. I'm amazed tbh considering how fussy they were. It can take longer but they may grow out of it when they are older. DH said he used to be fussy which amazed me as he eats almost anything now.

[WanderingLily]

HackerFucker22, I'm looking at your kid's diet and thinking it looks like mine did (they're 31 and 33 now, big, strong and healthy). The paediatrician looked at my foor doary and said why do you keep giving them e.g. sausage and potato cake, peas and sweetcorn, when it's obvious they're going to eat the bits they like and lave the bits they don't. Just give then peas and sweetcorn, take it or leave it.
The prevailing view at the time was that when they get hungry enough, they will eat what they're given. Well my kids ate fuck all for weeks. On one day, the elder boy ate 6 cornflakes and three crisps, that my husband gave them because he thought it was cruel to starve them. How long can you keep this up before Social Services come banging on the door? They just grizzled at the salad/veg/nourishing wholefood dish and carried on grizzling because they were hungry.
I cracked first - Bad Mother.

[WanderingLily]

food diary, that should have said.

[Topseyt]

I have 3 DDs. DD1 and DD3 were fairly good eaters as toddlers. DD2 was a good enough eater until the age of two, when she became fussy and decided that she didn't like anything at all.

With her it was a power game. It was usually a mistake to pay her much attention over it. Ignore her and she would often start eating eventually. Pay her attention and it was just grist to the mill. Attention perpetuated it.

She is 16 now. Well grown and quite tall. She is much better now. She eats a fair variety of stuff, though in fairly small portions and does prefer to serve herself rather than have me plate it up ready

It seems to me that parents who never have a fussy eater are very, very lucky indeed. It is incredibly stressful

[NationMcKinley]

I agree, Topseyt, it is massively stressful. My first 2 were great eaters so I was a bit smug, tbh. Then I had the 3rd who's a dreadful eater! Mind you, I was horrendously fussy as a child and only ate stewed apple. I now eat pretty much anything and need to lose 2 stone

[Patchworkpatty]

8 dcs between us including 2 with SN. ( dss Autistic ds aspergers) with the exception of Dss and his dislike of 'slimy' food, which he leaves if it is served (I do try to avoid this) we have simply ignored ALL attempts to be 'fussy' no way on gods earth are we going to cook 8 different meals. From day 1 the same meal served to all, you eat or don't eat. Up to you. If child going days without eating much, we stopped juice/squash between meals. This tactic produced sufficient hunger to encourage eating. The most important thing is to all sit down together, do not acknowledge any attention seeking via food. If something is being served they don't like/refuse to try then simply say 'ok' . However they have to remain at the table until everyone has finished. Boredom usually gets the better of them, but quite frankly all children love attention and they learn from a pretty early age that food is the one to get their dps pandering to their every whim. There are few exceptions to this rule. 15 years in Thai/Burma border camps - never seen a hungry child refuse food - in fact 'fussy eater' is not even 'a thing' (I am talking about appetite here - not allergies etc as they are not related, - you can enjoy the taste of the peanut that will kill you.)

[Topseyt]

Patch, you describe my approach very well. It really was the only thing that worked, and that preserved my sanity.

I too had just two menu options for dinner each day. 1) Eat it, or 2) Go hungry and be ignored.

Sometimes I told DD2 that as long as she sat quietly and let the rest of us eat in peace I actually didn't care a jot what she did with hers. Then ignore her completely. Surprise, surprise, she normally ended up eating it of her own accord eventually.

I never did separate meals. They are all old enough now to sort themselves out if they have to, so happy days with much less stress.

[Lolly86]

My DD 22 months eats:
Pasta (in all forms)
Mash
Waffles
Eggs mostly scrambled
Cheese
Bread
Baked beans
Bananas sometimes
Mixed vegetable rice sometimes
She will eat things she shouldn't crisps and choc etc very happily but otherwise we have about 4/5 meals on rotation. Very frustrating but I'm hoping to just ride it out and keep offering other things and one day as might eat them

[crapfatbanana]

I don't think that diet sounds too bad OP.
I have four kids - two older ones who weaned on purees. One was really fussy from about two years old until about eight and we went through hell trying to make him eat, while his sister has always eaten well.

My younger two followed the baby led weaning route and again I have one child who eats well and another who only eats pasta, cheese, buttered crackers, squeezy yogurts, chocolate spread sandwiches and the occasional apple.

My oldest boy eats much better now but still has issues with textures of food. It's an SPD thing for him. One of the things that got him eating better was seeing friends at school eating an array of things.

Anyway, I would just work with what you've got, maybe incorporating new foods alongside the accepted foods, eg croutons, dippers, different breads etc with the soup, houmous, pesto etc. Do you make your own pesto and houmous? If you do, try making it a little chunkier or using alternative flavours eg white bean houmous instead of chickpeas. Try hiding other puréed veg in the soup or bulking with beans or rice as well as offering chunks of veg. Strong flavours do seem to be your DC's thing. Have you tried offering curry? Try stirring a bit of stewed apple into porridge, or sprinkle with cinnamon. Rice pud? Semolina? Banana custard? Banana flapjacks? Fruit lollies?

As others have said - just keep offering stuff but don't worry it is rejected. I don't think you're going to have any major issues tbh.

[goblinhat]

OP- sorry I have skimmed though a bit, but I had a child like yours, bf and 2 years old.
Started to struggle over mealtimes, and he was quite a slim child although he did have some medical issues too.

He did like to graze though, and would eat when there was no pressure.
I found the idea of using a 12 cube ice cube tray brilliant.
I would fill each hole with different food.

Some chopped chicken or ham, rice, pasta, apple, sultanas, cubed bread, segments of orange, bits of cooked chicken, pieces of rice cake, cubed cheese, sweetcorn, chopped egg, cubes of cucumber, whatever I had to hand.

I would make a couple of fresh trays a day.

He enjoyed grazing/snacking and the pressure was off- he would turn to his very interesting tray many times during the day, the pressure was off me too .

[RabbitSaysWoof]

It doesn't sound as bad as some 2 year old diets I know of, obviously we don't know how much of each thing she is eating tho.
Is she BFing during the night or just a bedtime routine thing? is it possible she could be getting her calorie intake during the night so still doesn't have much insentive in the day to eat?
I would try homing in on the most hungry times and then introducing the things you really want her to try, eg I introduced my child to fruit and salad late as we have alot of cooked meals mostly so when packed lunch time was coming around I would sit him on the worktop before dinner and give him bits of tomato, cucumber, pear this was a bit of a novelty too as he doesn't snack or really eat away from the table.

[Ilooklikeawhale]

Ifiwas I agree with Starling, definitely check for tongue tie. DS was diagnosed when he was 2 1/2 and within days of his tongue being divided he started talking. Diet is taking longer to improve but there is definite progress...

[mathanxiety]

I had this with my DCs. I tried everything suggested here. They refused everything I put in front of them or only ate what they had started out eating -- no improvement in other words, no matter what I tried, for years. DS went for months as a toddler only eating plain Cheerios.

They are still extremely picky eaters and have sucked dry all the joy I once felt about cooking.

Stressful was not the word for the experience of toddlers and small children who simply would not eat food, Topseyt .

to everyone dealing with this. I do not think doctors understand that parents are literally tearing their hair out over this problem.

[headexplodesbodyfreezes]

What can doctors do about it though? Its not a medical problem that can be fixed. And kids are not responsible for their parents' joy of cooking.

I think this is just on the spectrum of normal. I was really picky as a child. Apart from a small number of things I just don't like the taste of (peas, I'm looking at you) I eat and, more to the point, enjoy almost anything now. I know one ridiculously picky adult, but the vast majority of grown ups eat normally don't they? Stressing and fussing about it is just counter productive.

[nooka]

My dd was very fussy when she was younger. It seemed to be mostly a texture thing, but I think she also found food a bit scary. Sauces especially. Food that was in any way contaminated was a big issue for her, she would scream if there was for example a fleck of a herb on her otherwise plain pasta. I enjoy cooking and ds ate anything back then so it was quite upsetting.

We managed it in the end by stopping making anything interesting and making everything a buffet. So meals weren't very nice for a few years but they weren't a fight either.

Now she is an adventurous eater and a great cook too. I think taking the pressure off was really important (for all of us!)

[mathanxiety]

Doctors could stop looking at parents as if they were part of the problem.

If you had a son who ate cheerios and nothing but cheerios for months on end, I think you wouldn't be so quick to call the associated worry 'fussing'.

Every single book and article I read said no child has ever starved himself or herself to death, relax, etc. Maybe there is truth and wisdom there. But there are other medical issues associated with having a diet that consists entirely of bread and sliced ham, or cheerios, or mayonnaise on slices of white bread, for months at a time, with no fruit, no vegetables, no eggs, no protein or mineral sources, no iron or calcium.

It is depressing and frustrating and upsetting to see food prepared and presented and refused and thrown away, day in and day out for years, and it is also expensive. All you cook in the end is the same three meals over and over, and in effect all you yourself eat is the same three flipping meals over and over, and even at that, you can count on someone saying they don't like that particular shape of pasta, that it tastes different from the shapes they like. And yes I do hold them responsible for sucking the joy out of cooking after they come to the age when they can understand how rude it is to ask what's for dinner in a hostile and suspicious tone, as if I was trying to insult them by cooking their meals.

[TreeBird16]

Hi all, OP here. I have read each and every reply multiple times and I can't thank people enough for sharing and advising. There is a lot to take in. The one prevailing message seems to be to relax because the harder you push a toddler the harder they push back. I am currently trying (and failing miserably) to wean her off night feeds altogether but I do think she is satisfying her calories needs at night. She is an incredibly headstrong child having epic tantrums at the moment but as we don't push it food is not currently a source of drama. I will be re-reading!

[BabyGanoush]

All toddlers are headstrong.

Most (all?) parents are slightly in awe of the uniqueness and stubbornness of their tots .... But it is actually normal fir ghem to be headstrong.

Kids..... They are just like people really

[goblinhat]

treebirds- wishing you well.

I am sure you will find a resolution- and I agree relaxation is a huge part to the solution.
When my 2yo was very fussy- and still having lots of night breastfeeds I was in despair.
I managed to keep my calm, not make dramas out of the situation, and we did come though.
One other thing that really helped was eating out at restaurants. My son loved eating out and would very often try new foods out when I knew they would be rejected at home. Buffet style restaurants were great- he loved the choice, made him feel a bit more independant, ( often under 5s are free anyway) He would trot off with supervision 4 or 5 times, and sample new things.

That little two year old now has a beard and towers over me- and is one of the unfussiest adult eaters I know.
He has a real curiosity about food, loves trying new things, I can't think of a single food that he wouldn't eat.