To ask how you solved fussy eating issues

[TreeBird16]

My just turned 2 year old is a crap eater and always has been. She never really got going on solids and has never eaten a dinner ever. She is not underweight and I am still breastfeeding her at night ( not at day to allow her get hungry). She eats porraige for breakfast, pesto, hummus, tomato soup, Apple sometimes, banana sometimes, and yogurts. That's pretty much the extent of it. My older child eats everything. I cook every night and offer fussy toddler the same as we all eat but she won't even taste it.

Anyone experienced this and turned things around?

[ShrewDriver]

I agree, musicmaiden, that all fussiness is not alike.

Many children who have an extremely narrow range of accepted foods have sensory issues including very sensitive gag reflexes, and/or substantial problems with anxiety. Quite a few (though of course not all) have more traits associated with ASD than average.

This is quite a different thing from children who will "try their luck" at getting the meals they prefer.

[musicmaiden]

The problem with posts like Caroline’s is, while they may be helpful for some who are new to this situation whose child is just testing the waters a bit, they imply it is some sort of holy grail that applies to all children, and this is not the case. For parents of food refusers, Caroline’s post is akin to saying to parents of speech-delayed children: ‘Have you tried talking to your child more?’ A bit insulting.

Up-thread we have posts from parents of 'fussy eaters’ - ie children who won’t eat everything and anything, probably not sauces or the component parts of each meal, but the bits they do eat amount to a quite healthy choice. This is the OP’s child at the moment by the sounds of things.

And then you have ‘food refusers’. This appears to be the experience of mathanxiety and a few others upthread. The child will only eat one food or an incredibly narrow range for months, leaving them pale/thin/constipated and an endless worry for the parent.

DS1 was a food refuser. At his worst, for a main meal he would only eat fishfingers and cream crackers. His nursery cooked fresh, wholesome meals for lunch and dinner, sat him with his peers to eat, and he would refuse pretty much every meal for the entire time he was there from age 1-4. So the whole ‘this or nothing’ thing didn’t really work for him. And caused many many upsets/tantrums at home which were probably as bad as they were because he was hungry all the time.

Happy to say that aged 6 he is rather better, although he is still pretty narrow in his range of foods, he will at least try some things and surprises us now and again by adding something new to his repertoire.

There is no magical solution but Ellyn Satter does give good advice. Giving them something they will eat, plus having other foods available to try, and then leaving them to it and keeping it relaxed (at least externally) is probably the least stressful way of progressing. It will be slow, though, and wearying.

Good luck everyone!

[Lambzig]

My' DD is now 5 and has never intentionally eaten a vegetable or a piece of fruit. They are put on her plate and she has eaten hidden vegetables in pasta sauces, pesto etc. She will even eat 'orange potato' (carrot and swede), but she wont even try anything that looks remotely like a piece of veg or fruit, or even a smoothie.

Its so odd because she is adventurous with other foods. She always wants to try a bit on any meat or fish dish and loves nothing better than what she calls 'a whole dead fish' being put on her plate, eyes and bones all, grilled which frankly I wouldn't touch.

I worry about it a lot, but cannot persuade her to eat them. I just have to hope that she will come round to the taste in her own time and keep presenting them at mealtimes, saying its on your plate, but you don't have to eat it. I also make sure she has vitamins to try and redress some of the balance.

[ClearBlueWater]

I'd like to say thanks for the info about Satter's advice.

Also the good number of posters emphasizing how important it is to stay calm and relaxed about it in front of the child.

My eldest eats everthing (except eggs).
My dd however is far fussier.
She is just 8 now and smallish (but not tiny or thin).
She has been refusing breakfast and her packed lunch at school for nearly 2 weeks (worrying me a LOT).
I persuaded her to eat a Muller rice for breakfast (then I looked at the sugar in it and wished I hadn't!)

I try to offer component meals which include something she likes.
I don't give any attention to fussing and say: 'just leave it then'.

But for those of you with much 'fussier' eaters than mine, you have my sympathy.

Btw, my ds had a tongue tie.
checked 3 times from birth to 12m and found to be 'fine'.
It wasn't. It was finally snipped at age 3.

[CityDweller]

I'm half way through reading a book about 'fussy eating' called War and Peas. I'm finding it useful. But OP, I think basically what you're doing is the 'right thing' - continue offering a variety of foods, with no pressure (or even comment) and try to stay relaxed about it (easier said than done, I know)

[RabbitSaysWoof]

TBF to Caroline this thread is about a girl who is not already underweight, and the advice she gave is almost word for word what my friend was advised by her hv when she asked advice because her dd was so badly constipated and lost 4 teeth through the diet the child ended up choosing for herself from 18 months to 3.5.
I always thought Ellyn Satter's division of responsibility was a good approach to take the weight off from parents worry, it's probably not so different to what Caroline said tho, just less abrupt.

[noeffingidea]

Think Caroline's already buggered off. Such a shame she didn't stay to impart more of her expert advice. Not.

[Hoppinggreen]

Oh bugger off Caroline you've got no idea. If you are actually a nurse how can you not believe that an already underweight child could get visibly thinner after 3 days of not eating?
One of my DC eats everything and one eats a limited ( but healthy) diet. Perhaps you have experience of children " trying it on" and not offering an alternative may work with them but some children just can't be made to eat by that method.
I'm going with Fecking clueless again ( without the possibly well meaning bit)

[noeffingidea]

caroline how long do you recommend allowing a child to go hungry for then? 3 days? A week? Until you're reported to social services?

[TheImminentGin]

Oh well done Caroline. Sounds like it worked for your children, that's great. However will you please give some credit to others on this thread who have not had success with this method. I hardly count myself as a parent who over reacts. I'm in the benign neglect camp, if anything.
On the positive side my eldest child at 16 is pretty good now.
Hope you find something that works for you TreeBird

[Caroline36]

Thank you:)

[goblinhat]

caroline-

[Caroline36]

I'm sorry but my children are not starved and i DO "have an idea" about what it's like to have fussy eaters. I can't have done my children any harm by refusing to offer alternative food when they were younger as they're happy, healthy and I can count on one hand the foods they geuninley do not like.

[BabyGanoush]

It was indeed not in the UK

[TheImminentGin]

Two of my children became fussy at around the age of 2. It seems fairly common. The third is quite adventurous in what they will eat. So it's something 'Nature' as opposed to 'nurture'
My solution like many others on the thread have found is to put out all the parts of a meal and let the children help themselves. This has made meal times far less stressful for them and me.
Starving some may work. It didn't for mine. Not that I actually starved them you understand. Those who glibly spout this unhelpful 'solution' have no idea.

[goblinhat]

caroline36- I hope you have a little more empathy for your patients than you do on this thread.

[Caroline36]

Children (in this country) who are put on a drip through genuine malnutrition, are exceptionally rare, and I should know this as I'm a registered nurse.

[Caroline36]

You wouldn't see your child get "visibly" thinner after only three days, really you would not! You're clearly a parent who overreacts, I can see that now.

[BabyGanoush]

Ah yes....

My fussy eater was underweight, had to be on a drip a few times as he had no reserves

Just let him starve a bit eh?

[Caroline36]

If you mean have i had my children refuse meal after meal in an attempt to manipulate me into giving them something else or snacks, then yes, I have. When children so young refuse there food time after time (assuming that they aren't poorly or have an underlying medical condition) then they are simply chancing their luck, following this if the parents react in shock like they're going to starve so offer an alternative then they've "won".

[Hoppinggreen]

caroline. Thank you so much, if only that had ever occurred to me!!
Perhaps I could refuse to make different food for my daughter when she was 3 at the advice of my GP ( who was just as clueless as you) and then I could watch her get visibly thinner for 3 days until I cracked and gave her a yoghurt? That would be fun
Possibly well meaning but still no fecking idea!!

[Ifiwasabadger]

caroline - wow, what a brilliant idea! i'd never thought of that! all my problems are solved!

[goblinhat]

caroline- I take it you have never had a fussy child?

[Caroline36]

Serve up the meal that you have made, if your DC refuses to eat it then they go hungry. They will not suddenly lose half a stone by refusing to eat the odd meal and if you refuse to offer snacks as an alternative, even healthy snacks like fruit, cheese, crackers etc then they will be genuinely hungry for their next meal and will (hopefully) be receptive to whatever you serve up.

It may seem harsh but I cannot be doing with all this pandering when it comes to "fussy eaters" I know children will genuinely dislike some meals as they grow older as their individual tastes develop but that's a separate issue and most certainly a two year old will just be testing the boundaries to see what they can get away with, you have to be firm or you're in trouble.

[noeffingidea]

My middle son was incredibly fussy, and only ate minute amounts.
He ate - fromage frais (those mini pots), tomato soup,wafer thin chicken, white sliced bread/toast, beans with mini hotdog sausages, cheddars with dairy lea. He drank a lot of milk (full fat) which probably saved his life. Yes, it was that serious, he didn't seem to feel hungry and would have quite happily starved.
My health visitor told me to carry on giving him the things that he did like while offering him new things without making a fuss or arguing.
He was like that from about 1 until 7 or 8, with the occassional new thing (like a tiny amount of roast dinner, which had to be chicken).
What changed things for him was learning about healthy foods at school and he did start to eat a few vegetables and things.
Having said that, he is still quite fussy. He only likes about 6 dinners, and a couple of lunches. He's 18 now though, so it's his own responsibility.