to not want to say yes to relative asking to come and stay with us?

[Hellotherehowareyoudoing]

A younger relative (on my DH's side) has asked to come and stay with us 'while she looks for a base', for 'a week or two' from monday. We have a spare room but our house is tiny (feels too small for the 2 of us and our 6mo DD), I am here in the day time with DD and hate the thought of someone else being here as well, and feeling like I can't just be completely relaxed in my own home. DH works long hours so it wouldn't affect him as much. I don't want to be cruel and just say no, but I am also really worried about 1 or 2 weeks turning into 3 or 4. There is also the financial implication of having someone else to feed/ hot water etc - I doubt any contribution will be offered. Oh I feel like a really horrible person for just wanting to say, no, sorry it's not convenient. But the thought of it makes my heart sink. I am so tired with DD waking in the night etc that I really, massively value totally chilled out evenings/ weekends with DH. I know how selfish I sound!
WWYD?

[WhereYouLeftIt]

Personally, I would just say no. And if I allowed a SHORT stay, I would definitely not ask for money, as this will likely make her feel more entitled to stay longer/not lift a finger/be loud because she's PAID and she's OWED what she paid for.

But really I'd just say no.

[Atenco]

I think yes, with a time limit and tell her what the rules of the house are from the outset. Sometimes people have no choice but to call in favours.

I couldn't personally refuse because I and my daughter have had occasion to be put up by other people.

[Floisme]

she sounds like one of those kind of people.
What kind of people would that be?

[hibbleddible]

We had someone move in 'for a couple of weeks', come 3 months later he still hadn't even looked for somewhere else.

Say no!

Otherwise I can see this turning into a long term arrangement, and you becoming the villain when you try to put an end to it, rather than getting any thanks.

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

I think you mentioned she's going to be working irregular hours? Have you any idea what she'll be earning? I'm just wondering how realistic her plans are for funding "a base" in the London area ...

I completely get the suggestions about letting her come with a time limit, but what then happens if she insists she'll be able to get that lovely flat/that better job if she can hang around just a little longer?

[TheSpectator]

You could give her this link - uk.easyroommate.com/ maybe she can find somewhere to live before moving but I don't blame you at all for not wanting her in your home for 2++weeks

[CalmYourselfTubbs]

say no.
surely the fact that you have a young baby would be reason enough??!!

i suspect you'll never get her out of the house otherwise. she sounds like one of those kind of people.

[DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow]

If you don't.want her to stay then just say "sorry, it's really not convenient at the moment, we're sleeping in separate rooms and up all night with the baby, there's loads of accommodation on air bnb, I'm sure you could find something cheap and suitable on there".

[lastqueenofscotland]

I did this for a relative. It was 2 weeks, after 11 weeks I ended up kicking him out!
Set a totally strict no budge time limit, set a financial contribution and make it vvvv clear from outset what's expected from them re cleaning etc. You can indeed say no!!

[sonjadog]

I think you should let her for a week or two if you can stand it. If she lives far away it can be hard to arrange accommodation. Be a little generous in spirit to her. If you think there is potential for her sticking around and doing nothing while there, then make it clear that she has to do certain chores, be quiet after whatever time because of the baby, pay a contribution towards food, etc. In other words, don't make it too comfy for her.

[Dieu]

Some very cold and unobliging replies on here ... and talk about leaping to the worst case scenarios I hope none of you are ever stuck! OP, it could turn out better than you think. Entirely reasonable to put a time limit on it (you could say that you're decorating it and moving baby's cot in there in a couple of weeks) but NEVER ask a family member for money. Cringe ...

[Floisme]

In your situation, I wouldn't like it either but I think it's pretty sad that some posters are already assuming she'll take the piss or even that she should have found somewhere to live before getting the job - in London?

Finding a footing is pretty tough for young people and I can't help thinking that this could easily be my son in a couple of years. So personally - while I wouldn't be thrilled - I would say 'yes' but put a strict time limit on it.

[SwedishEdith]

I'd think about it with set terms - ie 2 weeks max, needs to help around the house - that type of thing. My instinct would be "No" but I read a quote the other day that's making me think - "If you can help someone, why wouldn't you?"

[dustarr73]

The baby has moved in to the spare room so no room now.

[goldglittershitter]

Branleuse has nailed it.

Good luck, OP!

[wickedwaterwitch]

YANBU - say no. You don't owe her anything.

[Rachel0Greep]

No, I wouldn't do it, and there is no small baby here. I think if you know her, and know that a week is likely to stretch, all the more reason to say no.
Any bit of downtime, I imagine, is precious, with a small baby in the equation. If it was someone you or your husband were particularly close to, maybe, but, in this case, no.

YANBU.

[Aeroflotgirl]

lemon just because you have a spare room, does not make you a free for all. Op house, op entitled to decline. I would, especially if you know that it will be difficult for them to leave, despite time limits being put into place. Some will just flout them, and take the piss.

[lemoncordial]

Yabu. You're being a bit mean. If you have a spare room then you saying that it feels too small for you and your dh is a bit precious. I have a 12 month old and she shares our room. The idea of having a home like yours with an unused room is a massive luxury compared to me home.

I totally understand that you don't want sa long term house guest. But I think giving her a 2 week time limit would be fair.

[Birdsgottafly]

I've had young relatives stay, given the housing/benefit/job market, it's going to be what's expected of famies, as far as the Government is concerned, we should be putting each other up.

I've always, made it clear that they haven't been invited, as such, do they are an equal member of the house in regards to their own housework and food/bill budget.

I also, put time limits on.

[Littlef00t]

Do you know anyone who would be happy taking a lodger for a short period of time? If you could mitigate your 'no' by saying you have a friend in the area who has space and is willing to rent out their room for x a week on a week by week basis, that might be a massive help.

I can imagine it's hard to find somewhere when you're looking at paying so much for a hotel each night.

[AyeAmarok]

The baby waking through the night is a perfect excuse not to have visitors staying for all that time.

[Lj8893]

Don't do it!! We had dhs younger sister stay with us, was meant to be for a month tops and was more like 3 months. It was awful and has definetly tarnished our relationship with her. Never mind the extra cost!

My cousin had a similar arrangement with her sil a couple of years ago, they have only started talking again in the last couple of months!

[fuzzywuzzy]

I wouldn't do it, especially as you know her well enough to know moving into her own place will not be a priority.

[Theycallmemellowjello]

I disagree with asking her for money - not ok in the circumstances IMO. You have to do her the courtesy of honesty - just tell her that you'd find it too stressful in such a small house with a tiny baby. I do think that you're being quite un-generous in your assessment of her though - it can be horrific finding a rental in London, and frankly however 'nicely kept' your house is, I doubt that hanging out with a family in the suburbs is her idea of a great time.