To think DH should share his annual leave

[oscarsmum28]

My DH says that because he works full time and I don't, his annual leave is for him only. AIBU to think this is unfair.

I used to work full time and he stayed at home with our DS but our roles changed a year ago and now I am looking for work. But I don't remember simply b#ggering off on my annual leave and leaving him to it all the bl**dy time. He has a lot of hobbies that demand his time, but every time I ask to do something with my friends and for him to have our three year old it causes an argument. I normally win but I hate asking and hardly ever go out without the kids. When he justifies why I shouldn't do something he says his days off and evenings are his because he works and he needs it as down time.

I do manage to get some time out but it, but only about 5% of what he does and he always makes it hell for me to ask.

Is this normal for stay at home mums? In somehow doubtful when I find a job that this will change.

[Littleorangecat]

The answer to him is, ok fine it's a little weird you want to spend it on your own. Let's work out when my annual leave is and I will plan it in.
Then get a diary out and mark your own annual leave on it.
It's honestly pathetic that you need to do this but if that's his pov, make sure you get your down time too.

[blacktreaclecat]

I work 2 days, DH FT. He only books annual leave to spend time with us, be it going away or odd days off the 3 of us. Holidays I obviously book annual leave too, but as DH has more, sometimes he books it on my days off anyway. I have days off to do "me time" (shopping/ spa) a couple of times a year so would agree to him doing likewise.
He's being horrible :(

[oscarsmum28]

He earns a low wage, but he spends this on bills mostly. I have savings we also use to get by. His outings aren't extravagant, just very frequent!

[rookiemere]

Tell him when he gets divorced he'll need to keep 50% of his A/L to look after his own DCs.

One of our friends DH's is like this. They both work and she feverishly hunts around trying to cover the long holidays, meanwhile he randomly decides to take days off for himself, because he doesn't feel like going into work.

Even he isn't this bad though. They do have some family holidays.

[TendonQueen]

Instead of using your savings, look for a full time job yourself. Then you have the same justification he does for evenings off etc. You'll have to duke it out over alternative weekends, tell him.

[Hissy]

He does WHAT?

Wtf does he think you are fucking doing? Sitting on your arse? You are working longer, harder hours than he is! And actually, what you are doing enables him to fucking work.

Why did he not tell you he was this much of a twat before you decided to lumber yourself to him for life having his child?

That said, I'd have binned him for being a prick and playing video games. Nothing more reliable as a method of contraception as a manboy playing his games after lights out..

[Littleorangecat]

I would agree that you should look for a job, then you won't have to use your savings but more importantly you will be on an equal footing with him, as from your comments I don't think he views your role as such.
He should be taking an equal role parenting.

[CatsandCrumble]

Okay, EITHER you don't need downtime because looking after the kids is no effort, therefore he can also look after the kids during his downtime,
OR looking after the kids is effort and you also need downtime, in which case he should let you have some too.

[OldBloodCallsToOldBlood]

Er, no. That's not how it works. You should BOTH be getting EQUAL leisure time, or does he not value you as a SAHP? Or is it because his leave is paid, that it feels more 'earned'?

Every day he has off, you should get one too. I know in practise that most couples don't keep tallies of this because it just works out due to being considerate of each other, but I think you really should keep a record of how much time he's had off and tell him you're taking the same.

[FishWithABicycle]

No that's a bit rubbish.
My DH has a "second career" (creative) that doesn't pay much and he would ideally like to spend all his annual leave from his money earning job on that. But he's not a knob. So we agreed 50% of his annual leave could be for him and 50% for the family including some days of him doing all the childcare while I get a break and some family days all together. Likewise weekends are split 50:50 between him and us. HOWEVER he is actually working quite hard, albeit for little financial reward, in this time. There is no way I would agree the same split if he wanted the time for "downtime"/relaxing/gaming. OP your DH is a knob.

[Hissy]

Yeah, I'd be buggered if I was supporting his inability to be a decent father/partner by chucking my hard earned savings at him!

I also agree with the divorce conversation and the 50/50 care, CSA etc.

[winewolfhowls]

Change the WiFi password so he can't game and change the name of it to something like twatmanliveshere

[Duckdeamon]

Selfish fucker.

[LadyLuck81]

Ask him how he plans to organise childcare when you take your twenty days annual leave for yourself? Wanker

[Bleakhouse1879]

It is not acceptable for anyone over the age of sixteen to play on a computer game. It is a toy and toys are for children.

[Hissy]

While I see your point wine why should the Op behave like his mother and cut off the wifi because boyo won't pull his weight?

[KatieLatie]

You are partners, you are a team.

I am a SAHP. DH has own business and works very hard. We take holidays together as a family. Weekends tend to be family time together too. DH does sport two nights a week - I get to the gym or run a few times a week during the school day (or early morning school holidays). Sometimes I go out in the evening (although not massively often). Sometimes DH follows his hobby for a day at the weekend. Give and take: we both work hard, we both spend a lot of time as a family, we both get time by ourselves to do sport or see friends. We are all happy :)

[winewolfhowls]

True hissy, true.

[CassieBearRawr]

"It is not acceptable for anyone over the age of sixteen to play on a computer game. It is a toy and toys are for children."

Complete bollocks.

[SliceOfLime]

I am stunned that anyone could be such an arse. Sorry OP. I am a SAHM, DH works 14 hour days most days and often half a day at weekends. He wouldn't dream of saying his leave was 'his' - we are a family, a team - and he knows that much as I love the kids, looking after them full time is hard work and if I wasn't doing it, we'd be paying someone else to do it. We try and work it so we each have a couple of hours here and there to do our own thing, the rest of the time we muck in together!

[UncertainSmile]

It is not acceptable for anyone over the age of sixteen to play on a computer game. It is a toy and toys are for children.

Moronic post of the day.

[starlight2007]

I think this is much deeper than the A/L...

He knows what been a SAHP is as he has done it..The reason he doesn't want to be part of the family would be a deeper concern to me

[Blexie]

My oh had difficulty understanding this when I was first on maternity leave. After alot of arguments, I presented an itemised bill for childcare, cleaning cooking, laundry and chauffeuring. Included a night allowance and worked out what annual leave I was due plus what his ni and pension contribution would cost him on a employer bases.
That made him reconsider my input!
(totally short changed myself by going back to work full-time at a much lower salary!!!)

[Hedgehogsdontbite]

I don't understand men like this. Does he not like his family? DH is off this week and I'm feeling slightly redundant as he's doing most of the toddler herding. He's not doing it because he has to. He's doing it because he wants to, because he loves his son, enjoys his company and misses him when he's at work.

YANBU

[FuzzyWizard]

Thats really unfair... Doesn't he spend any quality time with your DS.

Bleakhouse- That's complete nonsense. Computer games from the very beginning have been designed by adults for other adults. That's not to say there aren't children's games but on the whole I would say games consoles are not a toy for children. Most of the content available for them is certainly not suitable for children.