Well... Where to start. Just got off the phone with my infuriating mother. It seems she is deafing off my children again. I have 2 dc - 1 aged 4 and 1 aged 7 months.
During my maternity leave, in which I have suffered with post natal anxiety and am seeing a therapist for, there was an arrangement that my "d" m would see both gc on the same day each week, taking the eldest out for an hour or two, and me following along to her house a bit later on with smallest dc.
A few times, arrangements would get cancelled - by her, not by me, and she would go sometimes 3 weeks without seeing her gcs. The arrangements also never really "stuck" during school holidays for one reason or another, so all things considered, since the start of the year, this has happened about 12-15 times. She and my df are retired, and their days are filled with going to the supermarket, getting her nails done and going to the small out of town shopping centre for an hour a week.
This week, the excuse is because they're decorating. Last week it was because they were doing their tubs, the week before because my df had a gp appointment (yes, a whole 10 mins in the morning).
She tells all her family she never stops "running around" for us, as if we'd fall apart without her - she's done jack shit for ages, and my eldest asked when she was going to see her dgm today and I almost told her she didn't want to see us.
She's in her 60s so no spring chicken, but is in good health. It hurts me so badly for my children that their own grandmother doesn't "have time" to see them. She phones me every other night (I'm putting a stop to that, that's for damn sure) and offloads her problems, (she suffers with untreated, unmedicated anxiety too, which I know is part of the problem, but it's also the main reason why I have lived on my nerves most of my life too, and felt pretty shit at times. I have told her she needs to get help, but it's like she is using it as an excuse to just do what she likes). She regularly used to make comments about my appearance, my weight, my decisions, my job and still occasionally does. Now it's comments about the children needing haircuts, their tights being too small, they've got too many shoes etc.
My husband wants to move away to be nearer his family, as they adore the gcs and will fully support us with childcare and school runs etc, but I can't help but mourn the loss of the grandmother my kids never got from my side of the family. This isn't the way I imagined I'd bring up my kids, with little or no involvement with my parents. It's so sad I'm crying just writing this. My sister got lots of support with her kids - they were always round my moms when they were little and now regularly get picked up/invited round for sleepovers, but we get virtually nothing. I was always the most amenable child, and my sister was the rebel, so it's not because I acted badly in the past.
I just have no answers for my eldest tomorrow when she asks why we aren't seeing granny, again. AIBU? Please help me get some perspective on this.
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AIBU?
(Long - sorry) AIBU to be hurt by my mother ignoring her grandkids
24 replies
Nervypreg · 03/08/2015 21:46
OP posts:
Preciousbane ·
04/08/2015 11:09
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