Am I being a shitty person/mum?

[thegreenbackboogie]

DD's dad has come to spend the weekend with her (we broke up in March). We clash and bicker a lot, not a week goes by where we don't argue about something. He arrived today and within an hour he was being moody and arsey. I've had a shit week so thought fuck this I'm going out. So I'm meeting my friend for a drink once DD has gone to bed.

I can't help but feel guilty. He looked very surprised when I said I'm off out and has demanded I transfer 100 quid into his account, presumably because he thinks I'm loaded now I'm going out for a couple of drinks.

AIBU?

Oh lovey he is a dick i get your child is still a baby but why is he staying the night he doesnt get to tell you what to do he was meant to be there to see his baby not check up on you or demand money. I wouldnt let him in my house

I bet he's one of these men who tells his mates he's 'babysitting' as well.

This is one of my most hated phrases used by men, even men in relationships with the mum use it. How can you 'babysit' your own child??!!

Oh, and he's a cock!!

I think you need to create more distance.

Your relationship is over.

It really isn't appropriate for him to be having his contact time in your home.

You need more solid contact arrangements. Set times/days and at his house.

It sounds like you are still in 'couple mode'.

What a knob! I wouldn't let him stay!
Go and enjoy yourself, happy mummy=happy baby!
Don't give him any money, go and treat yourself to a massage or something! Xx

OP , are you the poster who was asking about doing a nursing degree , with an ex partner who would look after their toddler when doing unsocial hours placements ? If so , don't rely on him , find a good childminder instead!

Yes I am unfortunately spongebob I just hope we can sort out our differences and be good parents to DD without it being so volatile all the time. It's been a terrible weekend

I'd second getting a child minder, but I know that can be expensive. Are you absolutely dependent on him for childcare for work or school? It would be rough, but I guess I'd 'bite the bullet' today for the sake of more independence tomorrow as long as it wasn't for too long, iyswim. I wouldn't let him walk all over me, though.

But if his time at yours is just for contact, forget about it! He needs to make other arrangements, definitely.

Yeah he's the only person who could take care of her really. My mum passed away a couple of years ago leaving my useless dad who moved on very soon afterwards. Then his parents are alcoholics and are getting old now. We both have brothers but none have children of their own so I doubt they'd be willing or capable without sounding harsh! It will be tough but hopefully I'll be able to afford a childminder when the time comes.

And yes, he really does need to stop treating my home like it's his own. I've let it happen to some extent due to loneliness. I'm my own worst enemy sometimes

Better alone in peace than in company in turmoil. That can be a difficult lesson to learn, we're all social creatures. But think about how peaceful your home is when he's not there.

It's important that you do what's necessary to improve your earning ability. If you have to put up with some of this shit to do so, then that's what you do. But learn to ignore him if he tries to provoke you. Remember it takes two to argue, but one to ignore. Just remember the phrase 'Fine, whatever'. Because what he thinks does NOT matter.

Try to keep the length of his visits to a bare minimum, preferably only when you're at work or at school. If you have friends/family who can 'drop by' for an hour or so when he's there that may minimize him shooting off his mouth.

Surely a bit of lonliness is better than this though it will take a bit of getting used to being seperated but you are seperated for a reason find the strength to say No if he is going to be a decent dad to your baby then he will he doesnt get to tell you how to run your life,

I cant believe he asked you for money. He sounds like a right numpty. Yanbu ignore him and never let him stay in your house.