to be surprised no celebration at ILs for DS

[cjt110]

We live 157 miles from IL's and due to distance we don't see them often. It usually involves us going down to see them, rather than them coming up to us.

We are travelling down the weekend after DS' 1st birthday and I casually text MIL asking did she have anything planned for DS' birthday when we come down and her reply was something along the lines of "No, he will have had a party and a cake at yours won't he"

I am pretty sure although cannot say for definite that she has held small family gatherings for the other 3 grandchildren's (2 live abroad, one lives locally) birthdays if they have happened to be there around the time of their birthday (the weekend before/after).

I dont expect a full flung party or anything etc but I thought as it's his first birthday, she might have a little family gathering with some nibbles etc etc like she has done before in the summer - my reason for the text was I was going to say we could buy the food etc so she didnt have to outlay any cost which she normally does if every she lays on a buffet for a gathering.

She's only seen DS when he was 2 weeks, 4 months, and 6 months (maybe another time too) which is when we have gone to visit them so I thought she'd maybe want to do something to mark his birthday.

[ilovesooty]

Perhaps if you'd texted making it clear that the proposed event would be 1. Outside the house 2. Costs covered by you the response might have been different.

I can't imagine why people bother with parties for such young children though.

[Totality22]

I asked IL's to host a small gathering for DS 1st Birthday (for that side of the family). We paid for the food and cake etc.. although FIL cooked for us all.

My folks hosted our side of the family and again we paid for food and cake.

Our house was too small to have an actual party, we both have massive immediate families but as I was on maternity leave we couldn't afford to hire anywhere and it was winter so outside wasn't an option

We basically asked respective folks to have a gathering on our behalf for immediate family but we covered expenses.... not the same as expecting them to host a party?

I don't see the big deal. Take a cake with you and you can all sing happy Birthday, if you fancy anything more extravagant like a meal out or an outing of some kind suggest it and fund it.

[cjt110]

Obviously I have just taken the wrong interpretation. Thanks everyone Some good perspectives for me to think about on this.

[cjt110]

And Totality As stated abovem, should she have said she was planning something, we would happily have funded it ourselves.

[firesidechat]

Having been on mn for a couple of years now, there is no way on god's green earth that I would be organising and hosting a party at my house for my daughter's child. It would be overstepping boundaries all over the place.

Maybe your mil is on mn too op. This is one of those occasions where you may need to ask and see what she says.

Parties for first birthdays are not really necessary though.

[QueenofallIsee]

My MIL always checks what we have planned and then arranges a family do at a point soon after/just before. I would find it strange if she did that for mine and not the other grandkids and vice versa...that said, we live near one another and know each other well enough to discuss and arrange and have set this kind of precedent over the years. Now is your chance to arrange something with her OP, if you want to see that become the norm. Even with my in laws it would take more than a casual text to get that across though.

[Floggingmolly]

You casually rang ahead to check? That was fairly cheeky, really. I'll bet if the poor woman had organised a party you'd have whined about her lack of boundaries, encroaching on your child's birthday which is down to you to sort out.
Which it is, actually.

[Nanny0gg]

If it was my DGC I would have spoken to you or my DS and asked if you would like me to do something.

[ollieplimsoles]

I'm sorry but why do you always go to their house? You mentioned they have only seen your ds when he was 2 weeks, 4 months and 6 months old (or there abouts) and only when you went to theirs...you took a two week old baby 157 to visit them and they cant put on a few nibbles to celebrate his birthday?? Especially when they did it for their other gcs?!

I would not drive 157 miles with a new born baby, they can get their arses up here if they want to see him!

YANBU!

[Spartans]

You only think she did it for the others. She may not have, or they may gVe asked her to do it.

Yabu for all the reasons stated above

[CarlaJones]

Are you doing anything to celebrate the birthday yourself before you go?

[Wheelerdeeler]

Did you not invite them to yours to celebrate the birthday? And asking someone had they planned YOUR child's birthday - very cheeky. Even if they had done it before. You don't ask them what they had planned. Sounds very assuming.

[Getthewonderwebout]

Phone and ask whether she would have any objection to you taking a small cake with you so you can celebrate with them, as you don't want them to miss out of their grandson's birthday.

I can't see a problem with it being a week later - I'm all for stretching birthday celebrations as far as they'll go.

[Getthewonderwebout]

on their