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AIBU?

To ask if you ttc again after miscarriage?

38 replies

ShimmeringCobalt · 22/07/2015 23:12

And would you if you were 36 with 2dc already?

It's probably far too soon to ask this and to think about it for myself as MMC was just yesterday but it's in my mind...

Not sure if I should be "happy with the dc I've got" as people keep saying.

Dr said my age may be a factor but they can't say for sure.

Did you ttc after a mc and what age were you?

OP posts:

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fhdl34 · 23/07/2015 07:45

I'm really sorry for your loss. I had an MC 3 weeks ago (seems longer than that though) and we are trying again. I am 37 and have 2 DC. Not sure how long we'll try for or what we'll do if it happens again but we were on the fence a bit about no 3 and losing the baby solidified for us that actually we do want 3 children and even before we had the first it is what we had always wanted. We're not really waiting for first period (already had unprotected sex 2 days after bleeding stopped) but we will be 'trying' in the same manner as before which is just relaxed and sex 2-4 times per week rather than 'I am ovulating we must do it NOW' (that's how we conceived our 2 DCs and although I am so grateful they are here 4 years of a sex life like that just didn't make for the happiest marriage for us). So who knows if I'll catch again, what will be will be but I don't want to get obsessed again so trying very hard to find my relaxed happy that I had before 3 weeks ago

Hoviscats · 23/07/2015 07:43

Oh and I am 33

Hoviscats · 23/07/2015 07:43

Well timed thread for me. I am just coming out the other side of a mmc. Already have 1 DS (4.5) and it took me a long time to decide to try for DC2.

I now feel like I just want to ttc as soon as possible to be honest after having decided that I want another baby.

I think though that if I had another MC I might decide to not try again. Although I guess I won't know until I am in that position....fingers crossed I never find out!

MsJuniper · 23/07/2015 07:39

I had wonderful and much-longed-for DS at 36, started ttc again when he was 18mo and got pg after a few months but had a mc, then after 1 cycle tried again and caught first time, sadly this also ended in mc. This time they said to wait a couple of cycles which is hard as my cycles are long and I've now turned 39. Just gearing up to try again but terrified of another loss.

PicaK · 23/07/2015 07:38

I am so sorry for your loss. I am also so fucking ANGRY at these people who think that the grief you feel for the one you've lost should be in any way moderated by the fact you have children already.
They don't know what they are talking about. They may be midguidedly trying to console you (or even themselves if it's your other half saying it.)
But right now you need time and space to just grieve. It's horribly painful and it can be easier to try and shut it out by making plans for the future.
The very best advice given after a miscarriage is to be kind to yourself. You are not stupid for wanting this child or another one. But equally you need to heal emotionally and physically and put life on pause a little bit. You'll be stronger afterwards for doing it (ignore anyone trying to cheer you up using distraction techniques).

fififolle · 23/07/2015 07:35

So sorry for your loss, it's such a tough time for you.
I have one DS who is just over 5.
I had a MC last October followed by medical management and ERPC.
I conceived again in Feb but lost that one in April, this time natural MC.
I found the second MC much easier to deal with and conceived again in May. I'm currently 10weeks pregnant at the age of 37, I will be 38 when the baby is born.
There have been plenty of times when I've questioned it all in my head but I've continued TTC as I've always wanted a sibling for DS and didn't want to get in to my mid 40s and look back wishing I'd continued.
Good luck, take care .

Monroe · 23/07/2015 07:32

I had 2 MMC between ds and DD. I was 34 and 35 at the time. I desperately wanted another dc so we made the decision to try one more time and I was lucky to get pregnant straight away which resulted in DD. We had said if anything happened again we would stop trying however thankfully we didn't have to make that decision. Good luck with whatever you decide and brummiegirl all the best for this pregnancy

RachelWatts · 23/07/2015 07:28

I had my first mc at 32, then went on to concieve DS1 although both times it took a year.

I fell pregnant for a third time when I was 36 but sadly there was no heartbeat at the first scan.

It then took another year to concieve DS2.

Sorry for your loss.

zazzie · 23/07/2015 07:22

Stillbirth at 35 following fertility treatment. Living child at 37 following more treatment. We decided not to have more treatment but if we could have conceived naturally we would have tried again.

contractor6 · 23/07/2015 07:18

brummiegirl sorry for all your losses 3 mc must be tough, you have to to be strong to go through that. Hope your 12 week scan goes well

contractor6 · 23/07/2015 07:15

We had been ttc for a year when got bfp sadly mc at 8 weeks, ttc again after 1st period and got bfp next month. This bean has stuck and currently 32 weeks. I am 37. Statistically you are more likely to.conceive after mc and some studies show less likely to mc within 6 months. Getting pregnant again helped me deal with the sadness of losing first one. Hope you feel better soon

andadietcoke · 23/07/2015 07:14

I'm sorry for your loss.

Yes, I waited a cycle (think I was told to wait two though) and then conceived the DTs. I was 31 and they were first DCs. My first period after the MC was horrendous and I was glad I'd not tried to get pregnant straight away.

Tanith · 23/07/2015 07:08

Yes, I kept trying after several miscarriages.

My son was born after 2 miscarriages and my daughter born after a further 4. I was 42 when my DD was born and I was very gently told by the midwife that perhaps I shouldn't try again. I'd already come to that decision anyway

Brummiegirl15 · 23/07/2015 07:05

I'm currently on my 4th pregnancy after 3 mc's in a row and I had my 12 wk scan this week.

I'm 38 and I had to keep try as I had no dcs and desperately wanted a family

I'm so sorry

Weareboatsremember · 23/07/2015 07:04

I've put off ttc number 2 after a mmc at 9 weeks in February. I have a dd and am
30, so have decided to leave it for a couple more years as I can't face it happening again just yet. If I was late 30s I might feel differently, but for me it hinges on how desperate I am to have another child, and how willing I am to hear bad news at a scan again.
So sorry for your loss, mc are shit

oobedobe · 23/07/2015 04:06

I had 4 mc in two years after having dd1. I was ready to give up but a friend (who had also been though the mill to get her dc) told me if I really wanted dc2 I should just try again. I got pregnant with dd2 that week. Sorry for your loss.

Moopsboopsmum · 23/07/2015 02:30

Sorry for your loss, yes I did, I was 34 but once I had my one precious DC I decided not to ever try again as the emotional toll was too much for me.

EllenJanethickerknickers · 23/07/2015 01:06

I had 2 DC and a MMC at age 36. I had an ERPC, waited for my next period then used an ovulation test kit and was very lucky to get immediately pregnant with DC3. I was 37 having him. I did find the pregnancy harder, but I had 2 others to look after.

I have never regretted it. Even when DC2 was DXed with ASD, even when exH left. DC3 completed my family and has been a joy. DC1 and DC3 bookend my gorgeous DC2 and are such good company, they hold us all together.

Benby · 23/07/2015 01:03

Hi sorry to hear of your loss.
I had dd1 and dd2 and we then decided to try for dc3 . I had 3 miscarriages one after another. Had investigations done told just bad luck. Decided to try once more and that one stuck had ds1 last September. Decided to have 1 more unfortunately this pregnancy ended when the heartbeat stopped at 8 weeks. I had a d&c 3 weeks ago have been bleeding since.
Just found out today that I have a blood clot in my c section scar and I can't try again for a year. They're also investigating why my pregnancy test is still positive.
So I am now 38 and today has decided for me that I am done trying and I'm happy with what I have. I want to be here to see my children grow up. This is the first time my health has been at risk through all my pregnancies and miscarriages so enough is enough for me.
I am devastated about this but in time I will accept it and I'm really lucky to have 3 beautiful children and I thank god every day that I decided to try that one last time which gave me my happy smiley boy he completes our family.
I wish you all the best only you can decide if your strong enough to try again.

DustyMaiden · 23/07/2015 00:45

My lovely DS is 14 now. He was the result of my 14 th pregnancy. I was 39 when he was born. ( I had two DDs now 28 and 25 years old.)

EchoesOfLeon · 23/07/2015 00:44

Yes I suppose we will try again because we haven't actually managed to have any DC yet. Don't worry if it takes you a while to be ready though OP

ShadowsCollideCantLogInToMN · 23/07/2015 00:15

So sorry for your loss.

I had 5 MCs in my twenties. I'm 30 now, and tbh, we won't be actively trying again. We've finally managed to somewhat move on from the pain, heartache and despair, we're properly happy again now after a long bleak period, and I just don't know if we could cope with going through that again. I started suffering serious anxiety during that time, and it's still plaguing me. For example, we now have 2 pet cats, and the anxiety I have about something happening to them is unreal. Of course, I'm not comparing cats to babies, but it's like a consuming terror of losing another thing that I've loved and nurtured. I know it's silly and irrational, and so disproportionate, but I can't help it.

As AmyLee said though, it's such a personal thing. And there's every chance that you will go on to have a successful pregnancy. In your situation, I personally would try again.

It's so tough though. I guess all you can do is give yourself some time to heal, physically but more importantly emotionally, and take it from there.

Again, sorry for your loss, and best of luck to you. I really hope everything works out for you.

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Bluewombler2k · 22/07/2015 23:57

Hi, I had two miscarriages, 2nd was 7 months after first. We are now expecting our second child in November, and I will have just turned 39.
Sorry for your loss, if it's truly what you want to do then I would try again. It has been a nervewrecking 5 months and will be until the baby is born but so glad we decided to give it one more go. Give yourself spave to move on from this sad time and see how you feel in a few months. In the meantime, concentrate on getting yourself healthy physically and emotionally

BlackeyedSusan · 22/07/2015 23:50

yes, caught first month such that the miscarriage was the last monthly period... he is asleep upstairs! I was 38

NobodyLivesHere · 22/07/2015 23:42

I did yes, I was younger, but I think If that want to have another is still there your age is irrelevant. X

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