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AIBU?

to get so angry over a facebook status?!

45 replies

clashofclanswidow · 18/07/2015 13:17

I need to vent, I'm sorry!

I lost it yesterday as my "friend" posted a facebook status saying she was so glad she didn't give her boy a dummy as she never misses a smile!

As a dummy giving Mother, I made a joke of saying, can kids with dummies not smile then?!

What started out as light-heartedness, suddenly turned into the most pathetic display with her sister and boyfriend joining in! Haha

Now I was never out to cause an arguement but in my opinion she was...

There is a big difference in "My boy has got a lovely smile" to "I'm glad I didn't give him a dummy etc" There's no need. It's like me saying "I'm glad I didn't wake up with a hangover this morning, must have been the alcohol I didn't drink yesterday!"

Now I may have over thought this but some more facts are...not a month ago she was asking ME if she should give her boy a dummy??

The month before that she asked me about sleep training as her boy doesn't sleep. I told her we did it for two days and have had no sleep problems since. That also went on facebook "I don't know how anyone can let there baby cry!"

I struggled with breastfeeding, hormone troubles and my daughter would latch but not suck, we had a BF councellor and alsorts and she saw me in tears over this. After we talked she posts...so glad I breastfed my boy, I've given him "the best start in life and all the comfort and love he deserves"

I could go on but the dummy was the last straw! It's like she's goading me. Each time she has asked my opinion it has always come with "but that's what we did, every parent is different!" so why she has to feel like she's got to lord over anyone I'll never know!

Am I so wrong to be so paranoid and wound up over it? I think it's appauling behaviour and if the shoe was on the other foot I would never dream of being so heartless?!

Sorry for the essay...needed to get that off my chest somewhere!!

OP posts:

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TestingTestingWonTooFree · 18/07/2015 19:05

Is she any less tedious in real life?

RunnerHasbeen · 18/07/2015 19:17

I think you are being a little self involved and overreacting - are there many people you are friends with who you assume are always thinking about you? She probably bored everyone senseless about the dummy dilemma and is just updating. You are the only person making direct comparisons between your parenting and you were the one who added a goady comment to her feed.

Do you honestly consider every friend with potential issues every time you post - never a reference to a DH in case it upsets your single friends, for example?

I don't think you are unusual or she is blameless, I think FB lends itself to this kind of thinking and is not a very good place for an insecure person to spend a lot of time.

LittleLionMansMummy · 18/07/2015 19:24

My dad thinks Facebook causes relationship problems (he was effectively hounded off it by my dsis). Facebook doesn't cause problems, people's inability to use Facebook properly causes problems. The best way to avoid these problems is to use self control and the functions provided by Facebook such as hiding posts or defriending. Op you lacked self control by fanning the flames in response to your 'friend's' idiotic post. My advice: if you can't use Facebook properly by ignoring stupid comments, don't use it at all. That goes for your friend too.

LaurieMarlow · 18/07/2015 19:27

I can never understand these threads. If Facebook upsets you leave/block/don't check it.

It's not compulsory.

She's allowed to post what she wants. You don't have to read/like it if you don't want to.

HelloNewman · 18/07/2015 19:28

Hiding is your friend. The offenders don't know and you can be free of their twattery.

I am probably the most opinionated person I know, but I don't share it on FB, nor do I wish my children happy birthday or boast about anything or anyone.

I have blocked dozens of people that I get on well with in rl.

Chottie · 18/07/2015 19:36

Just let it go....... I can read from your post, just how much she has upset you. You are doing the best for your baby and ditto for her. Just take a breath and stop letting her have so much head space.

rockybalboa · 18/07/2015 19:37

She sounds like a right two faced bitch. I'd just delete rather than hide her timeline.

jonrotten · 18/07/2015 20:07

Ah fuck her off.

Life's too short.

P.s Dd (15 mo) has a dummy and still manages to smile. Must be a genius, I'll call Mensa first thing Monday.

ReginaBlitz · 18/07/2015 22:41

Another example of people thinking fb status's are aimed at them personally! Fuck her she was having an indirect dig about dummy givers in general but no need to take it to heart, block, hide story, delete or just move on

CrapBag · 19/07/2015 00:14

This would bother me. It does seem deliberate. Why would she put it otherwise!

Definitely no more parenting advice if she is purposely going to post about it and basically slag off the way you do things.

Whathaveilost · 19/07/2015 00:24

Thing is, I am proud I breastfed; as it wasn't easy for me a lot of the time and I don't enjoy it. But I did and I'm proud of that. But I can't say so as it might upset somebody who didn't?*

Yeah, but would you need to post it on FB.

this is where FB is a pain in the ass, comments like ' my little Prince deserves the best' etc. total self indulgent clap trap!

Noodledoodledoo · 19/07/2015 07:51

Countryandchickens you have every right to be proud but you also I assume have some compassion for others. I have a friend who was desperate to breastfeed twice and really tried hard to do so but it didn't work even with loads of support. The result for her was two bouts of PND mainly caused by the feeding issues. I am not going to make a big deal about me feeding with no issues and how proud I am around her, if she discusses it fine but I consider her feelings.

I would unfollow and subtley stop being so helpful and offering your opinions.

369thegoosedrankwine · 19/07/2015 08:11

Anybody who justifies their parent choices on Facebook (dummies, breastfeeding, sleep), is IMO trying to get some form of approval or praise from the Facebook world, which is, again IMO a sign of insecurity.

Don't rise to it. Be happy with your choices, and if you can't de friend her then hide her. I hide loads of people who's posts just get on my tits.

eddielizzard · 19/07/2015 08:16

very annoying, hurtful and insensitive. i think very carefully before i post stuff on fb.

you've done the right thing by hiding her feed. i've done that to some people and it's great.

clashofclanswidow · 19/07/2015 08:23

Thanks for all your nice comments =)

I think I'm just going to distance myself from her for a while and focus on my family and my work.

Such a shame it's come to this over something so ridiculously small. It wasn't necessarily her comments but that of her older sister and boyfriend, so it will just be awkward round there now anyway. Oh well =/

OP posts:

lunalelle · 19/07/2015 08:23

I wouldn't give a toss. DD was a good sleeper and didn't want a dummy - but we got no peace from DS until he had one, and he had them until he was 2 or 3 then abandoned it by himself. If it helps, it helps.

littlesupersparks · 19/07/2015 08:24

She is an anxious mum looking for validation of her choices.

I had a friend who was a bit weird like this. I BF and she said to me when our babies were little 'oh formula is just like poison I just couldn't do it!' I sort of shrugged and awkwardly said I didn't agree. 2 months later he was ff. my boys had long hair - again 'oh I just can't understand people who have their babies' hair cut short - it looks so wrong!' Literally a couple of weeks later her lo had a short haircut. She has done the same thing with all sorts of stuff. I joke with my oh that if she takes a strong stance on something then it means she will do the opposite.

I've come to the conclusion that she is testing out her decision making process on others whilst simultaneously trying to say what she thinks I want to hear!

I know it's a different situation but it's honestly no reflection on you. When her baby is yelling she probably wishes she had given him a dummy and wants validation from others that her choice is valid.

clashofclanswidow · 19/07/2015 08:29

This is true! I suppose I didn't look at it that way before.

She will have been looking for validation that she made the right choice by not giving him a dummy (why else share that fact otherwise?) and probably didn't expect me to point out it was rude to people that did!

OP posts:

littlesupersparks · 19/07/2015 20:23

I expect she sees you as very confident in your choices and therefore actually hasn't thought that you will be upset. I honestly wouldn't see it as deliberately goading. I would more see her as a bit of a worried mum who needs a bit of support xxxx that's not to say it's not annoying though!!

Sometimesjustonesecond · 19/07/2015 23:06

Delete her - she sounds boring as fuck!

Actually, pity her - the most interesting thing in her life that she can think to post about is whether or not her child has a dummy. Poor cow!

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