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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want my daughter to change they way she spells her name

22 replies

InYearAdmissions · 15/07/2015 10:17

I suspect you will all tell me IABU.

My daughter (age 6) has a name that has a naturally short version associated with it that can be spelt various ways (think ey, ie, i ). She is generally known by this shortened version.

We have always spelt it one way, and as a result anything personalised that she has, has that spelling on it (nameplate for bedroom door, waterbottle, picture canvas with our names on my husband had made for me etc)

She has decided that she wants to spell it one of the other ways, which personally is my least preferred spelling of this. And now she signs her name this way on everything.

She is starting a new school in September and when I filled the forms out I did it with the original spelling (before this fad) but when she went in for a welcome afternoon she told the teacher it was the other spelling so the teacher now wants me to confirm which spelling we are to use.

I guess I just need to suck it up and let her change it don't I, it is her name after all...but am a bit gutted especially about the canvas with the family names on...

OP posts:

mumblechum1 · 15/07/2015 10:18

How old is she?

EatShitDerek · 15/07/2015 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 15/07/2015 10:19

my name ends with a Y traditionally, but i hate it (think Labrador!!) so i changed it to IE

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 15/07/2015 10:20

I was 8? and i still have it this way and i am 40+

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 15/07/2015 10:20

Suck up I'm afraid. I've been that child, and I didn't change my mind.

Mind you, mum just reverted to my Sunday name for day to day to avoid the issue :o

Original poster

InYearAdmissions · 15/07/2015 10:21

EatShit - I would have done that but new school want to agree a spelling so they will spell it that way on all their paperwork, and it that is how she is writing it in class needs to be the same....if it wasn't for this I would be trying to ignore it.

OP posts:

Heels99 · 15/07/2015 10:22

I remember many girls at school calling themselves vicki, dani etc I am guessing they probably do not call themselves that now they are adults. Everything is a phase with kids, let her spell it how she wants. The canvas isn't an issue its a shortened version of her name on there anyway so spellng of it is a bit irrelevant.

Lottiedoubtie · 15/07/2015 10:23

I 'changed' my name to a ridiculous spelling at 11 and changed it back so I wouldn't get it wrong on the day in time for my GCSEs.

My parents completely ignored my stupidity and didnt pass comment. (Although in hindsight I bet they were itching too).

I think, on the whole that's the right approach. I'd probably tell the school that formally you prefer her full name but she is allowed to choose the shortening in school time if that's easier.

ChwatFeechers · 15/07/2015 10:24

Kids are weird and do weird shite. Just nod and smile

Absolutely this. My DD asked if she could change her name by deed poll to Luna Elsa, and went through a stage of writing it on cards and shit.

She now wants to change the spelling of her actual name.

Heels99 · 15/07/2015 10:24

Yes just call her long name eg victoria

Stopandlook · 15/07/2015 10:25

Why can't you use her proper name on official things at school? The shortened version doesn't matter - I've changed mine often over the years depending on what my friends tagged me! Also my sister, I still call her -y -ie, i.... It's more how it sounds than is spelt as it's not the name on her birth certificate.

addictedtosugar · 15/07/2015 10:26

School have my son's full name.
He is never known by it, but it IS the name on his paperwork.
So, reports, paperwork etc have "Addicted", but to his face he is always "Add"
Would that work?

oddfodd · 15/07/2015 10:29

I'd do what addicted says. Use the longform on official documents. Then she can shorten it to whatever she likes. Incidentally my sister did this at school but grew out of it and now she insists on being known by her full name :)

EatShitDerek · 15/07/2015 10:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WixingMords · 15/07/2015 10:33

Do mean spelling such as Hailey to Hayley and Catherine to Kathryn, rather than Jennifer to Jenni or Caroline to Corrie?

Because if it's the first it could very well be difficult when she get exam results if she sticks to it.

A shortened version isn't an issue I think, but I'd keep school record in the full version.

Incidentally the spelling you chose is it the different from normal one? I ask because if the normal one is the one you can get all the personalised cards/pens/stickers/beakers etc in shops this might be what's behind her want

OneMillionScovilles · 15/07/2015 10:34

My mum took the 'e' off her name in her teens and to my mind - probably inaccurately - the variant looks kind of Russian and male (think Stephani). It was a phase; it passed. My aunt has the variant in her wedding book; when they look back at it they just have a giggle at Mum's 'quirkiness' at the time.

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't overthink it. If she ends up keeping it like some PPs, you'd probably do better not to fight it now; if not, it can just be that fondly-remembered 'name-with-an-i' phase. I do get what you mean about the canvas etc, but it's not the end of the world. Maybe it would help to think of the 'old' name as placing it historically IYSWIM?

Dinosaursdontgrowontrees · 15/07/2015 10:34

I change the way my shortened version was spelt aged 6 ish. It was spelt ending in a y I decided that was the boys way (I stand by this) so changed it to an i ending. I would let her do what she wants but use her full name at school.

Original poster

InYearAdmissions · 15/07/2015 10:38

Sorry to clarify it is the equivalent of if her name was Katherine and changing from Katie to Katy if you see what I mean.

It is only relevant for the school as the forms had a box for "To be know as" so put the shortened version with my spelling in that box...hence question from teacher as had one spelling on form and DD telling her it was another way (as guess all her books etc would be labeled like that) also have an enormous pile of name tapes which have her shortened name on them with the old spelling.

I will just let her change it then it is still the same name as sounds the same...just doesn't look as nice written IMO

OP posts:

QuintShhhhhh · 15/07/2015 10:39

I also think you should stick to the official version of her name for official stuff.

yakari · 15/07/2015 10:39

My DD has a long name which can be commonly shorten in 2 ways - one I loved, one I hated. But her year 1 teacher used the second and now gradually that's her name at school and even DS 2 years above, uses it more regularly than the first which we used at home.

To start with I cringed every time I heard it - but now it's her, she just grew into that name and whilst it's not my choice I found myself using it the other day and it kinda worked (I will never admit this publically!)

QuintShhhhhh · 15/07/2015 10:40

ah, ok. never mind.

YeOldTrout · 15/07/2015 10:42

My middle name was changed when I was 5, I changed my first name completely when I was 7-8 & adopted a "ridiculous" spelling when I was 12 (which I have kept lifelong, is on my passport & driving license etc). So I vote YABU.

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