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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's sometimes inappropriate to "like" a fb status?

24 replies

m0therofdragons · 06/07/2015 21:46

A friend's son had leukaemia when he was 3 and has had various tumours over the years. At age 11 they didn't expect him to survive but he did and went into remission. Last year he had a further tumour removed and was fine again. He's just put a post on fb saying they've found another tumour so he's waiting for a date for surgery.
3 people have "liked" his status. That's not appropriate surely or am I missing something?

OP posts:

MrsHathaway · 06/07/2015 21:52

That's ... fucking weird. Some people use "like" when they mean "I have read this" or as a kind of acknowledgement.

For example, I once posted a long and obviously sensitive status about a significant diagnosis to do with my hearing, to let people know I'd be lipreading a lot in future. My mother Liked it. I was pretty hurt by that but had to take a deep breath and tell myself that she doesn't really understand Facebook.

Move on. Some people are twats and some people are just Not Very Good At Facebook.

MsVestibule · 06/07/2015 21:53

I think it's just an acknowledgement that they've read the post and are sending their sympathy. How do you think people should respond in that situation?

MsVestibule · 06/07/2015 21:55

The other option is to either ignore it or add your 'so sorry to hear that' comment to the stream of others who've already done that.

Twodogsandahooch · 06/07/2015 21:55

Agree it's just an acknowledgement but perhaps 'sorry to hear your news ' might have been better

fastdaytears · 06/07/2015 21:57

I think people mean it as support, but "like" is not quite right. Though as someone how Facebooks while doing millions of other things (mostly balancing wine glasses) I have accidentally liked a status I shouldn't have and it is a bit

PurpleDaisies · 06/07/2015 21:58

Facebook doesn't really have an appropriate button for sad situations. It could definite do with a "dislike". I agree with you op but I'm sure the people who have liked the posts are just trying to show support without really thinking about how it looks to like the fact someone is ill.

Timetodrive · 06/07/2015 21:59

On my old phone I seemed to press "like" every time I scrolled, fat thumbs and small screens. Sorry to hear about your friends son.

CrapBag · 06/07/2015 22:01

That's extremely thoughtless. I only ever 'like' a status that I actually do like. Something like this I would post a "so sorry to hear this" or something similar.

Many people on Facebook fail to engage their brain cell first.

StayWithMe · 06/07/2015 22:04

When I put a very sensitive comment on regarding missing my husband, I got lots if likes. I just take it that people were acknowledging that they read it, not that they liked the fact I was distressed. It's silly to get uptight over this. Sometimes people don't know what to say but want to let you know that they are 'listening' iykwim. I do wish Facebook would put on a 'read' sign.

MrsMcColl · 06/07/2015 22:05

I agree that 'like' often isn't appropriate. And I wouldn't personally 'like' a status like the one you describe. But I think that the like button can sometimes work as 'I like that you shared this' (rather than 'I like the thing itself') - a way of acknowledging and supporting the friend who posted it.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 06/07/2015 22:14

No, YANBU.

A friend of mine recently posted the news that his father had died. I, like lots of others, added a comment along the lines of "So sorry". 68 people - yes, 68! - "liked" the status.

I appreciate that they were probably just acknowledging the news whilst not actually saying anything, and showing support that way - but it just doesn't sit right with me.

I could never "like" a status unless I actually like what's being said.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 06/07/2015 22:15

And, I am also very sorry to hear about your friend's son. I hope everything works out well for him .

hibbledibble · 06/07/2015 22:16

Like others have said, it is a way for people to show they have read your status.

If you get upset by this you shouldn't be posting these kind of things to Facebook.

I think there are a lot of things that shouldn't be shared on Facebook, but I think I'm pretty old fashioned in that way

BertieBotts · 06/07/2015 22:24

Sometimes people use "like" to mean something akin to "virtual hug" or support.

Perhaps also these were people who were close to the parents and had been told previously that a new tumour had been found but didn't yet know whether it was operable so they were liking the new information - that surgery was planned.

You just don't know, and I wouldn't assume crass insensitiveness. Generally when people post stuff on facebook they understand what their friends mean when they respond in whatever way. Otherwise they wouldn't be friends!

Topaz25 · 06/07/2015 22:25

It's someone's way of showing they have read the status and are thinking of the person, often used when they are not sure what to say. No one actually likes that he has another tumour. People 'liked' the news my dad had passed away and I knew they were showing sympathy, not happy about my grief. I try to leave a sympathetic comment instead of like negative statuses personally because it just doesn't feel right to me but I think it is quite a commonplace thing to do and not intended to be insensitive at all. It would be great if Facebook had a 'sympathise' option for when like doesn't seem appropriate.

ASAS · 06/07/2015 22:35

After all these years I still struggle with fb.

Yesterday an open casket, complete with mourning family, appeared on my timeline. I've heard of this but had never seen it til this point.

I worry for the digital generation.

TRexingInAsda · 06/07/2015 22:41

It's a way of showing support or sympathy. It's not always a sign that you think it's great news!

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles · 06/07/2015 22:46

YABU.

Maybe they 'like' that surgery is an option rather than the status saying terminal (heaven forbid).
Maybe they feel really awkward but just press 'like' to acknowledge reading it.

I think you over thinking it.

Original poster

m0therofdragons · 06/07/2015 22:50

I understand that the like is more an acknowledgment. It just doesn't sit right with me and I do feel that if you can't manage a quick comment when someone posts such news then are you really that person's friend. Surely he needs to know people care - willing to be told I am u but to me, clicking like is just wrong.

OP posts:

throwingpebbles · 06/07/2015 22:50

I was surprised to see people "liking" a very upsetting post by someone who had just miscarried a much longed for baby, but I guess maybe some see "liking" as a way of sending support. To me it felt better to write a little comment, or even those who just put kisses or similar. (I followed my comment up with an actual real life card and some little gifts)

"Liking" doesn't sit comfortably with me but maybe i am just out of touch!

I agree with pp though that on my old phone I was always accidentally liking stuff!

Zucker · 06/07/2015 23:05

YANBU, a post on my feed of a granny getting a black eye had a lot of likes! Granted it was through an accident at the beach, but still liking it?

MaidOfStars · 06/07/2015 23:15

It takes two seconds to type ((hug))

Fatmomma99 · 06/07/2015 23:32

I effing hate FB, and only joined because I had a pre-teen DD and want to be on so I could be a friend.

I NEVER go there, so perhaps shouldn't comment on your thread.

But would just say, on all the things my DD is on (facetime, snapchat, etc) she regularly "likes" posts. It's her way of saying "I've read and I like you".

Teabagbeforemilk · 07/07/2015 06:03

I feel the same OP. However people view the 'like' button in different ways. Some people (like me) see it as 'I like this' , some people see it as an acknowledgment, some see it as giving support.

It may not sit well with you or I, but I am sure their intention wasn't to 'like the fact that he has ill again

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