to ask if you have had an unexpected pregnancy, and what the outcome was?

[FancyFrenchCake]

I am in this position. Thought my family was complete, and now this. I only found out yesterday, and my head is a whirlwind of thoughts. I suffer with hyperemesis during my pregnancies, and usually PND after having my babies.

So I wanted to know, if you have been in this situation, what did you do? What were your circumstances at the time (DC / finances / housing) and did they affect your decision? How many months/years on are you from this, and how do you feel about it now?

Apologies for all the questions, is just because my answer to them, is what is swaying my decision. I'm a regular and have NC for this.

[teatowel]

In sort of answer to your question my sister and I were expecting babies within days of each other. I lost mine. It has never bothered me that my DN was born near my due date. I know its not the same, as it was natures choice but I found it easy not to tie the two babies together in my head. There is no wrong or right decision . Poor you, it is so hard

[slithytove]

I'm just concerned that you have said you would keep this pregnancy but for the HG, which you haven't got yet. So each time it hit really early on? How far along are you now?

Are your children mixed sexes or all the same?

I know its anecdotal but my friend had terribly debilitating HG in her first two pregnancies and was fine for her third.

[SundayDinner]

My dd was unplanned. I never wanted children ever. I was distraught and wanted a termination but had no choice as i found at 26weeks. I'd just lost my job and was in the final year of my degree. She's 3 this month and is the most wonderful, beautiful girl in the entire world. Everything has worked out thank god, but that's not necessarily the same for everyone.

I really hope you make the best decision for you and your family. It's so hard

[FancyFrenchCake1]

All the replies are helping. It's useful to hear both sides of this, so thank you.

slithytove I have 3 DC & normally my HG is my alternative pregnancy test! It arrives before or as the tests start to work for people. Hasn't kicked in yet though.

[slithytove]

I am perp thank you, I've been lucky enough to go on to have 2 raimbow children. My angel baby started my family and I will always be grateful for that.

Still doesn't help op though!

Hope you are ok op, this is never easy but I know you will do what is right for you and your family. How many children do you have? Can I ask when you developed HG in your previous pregnancies?

[SnapesCapes]

I found out I was pregnant in March 2005, totally unexpected (we'd used condoms every single time). It should never have been anything more than a fling; he was a man child, I was 24, neither of us wanted to commit to the other.

I told my best friend when I found out, before I told him. She sat me down and asked me if I could do it alone, because in all likelihood I'd end up without him supporting me. I thought for a few days, decided I could, we had a go at making it work and he left when DS1 was 5 months old. We made each other incredibly unhappy. However, DS1 will be 10 this October, and is the absolute light of my life. But if I were to accidentally get pregnant now, I doubt DH or I would be pleased, because our family feels complete.

[slithytove]

I'm sorry to hear that fancy, although there is no guarantee it will reoccur. I understand how debilitating it is though.

[Pollyputthekettleon45]

3 months into a new relationship and I found out I was pregnant. We were careful, always but she found a way

I was 19. Just finished college, DP (now DH) worked part time. The timing was bad. I didn't want an abortion. Had morning sickness for 3 months which was actually 24 hour sickness. When that died down I had sciatica. Then had an horrendous 30+ hours back to back labour with limited pain relief, then had PND and Anxiety for a few years.

I'd do it all again Thankfully the pregnancy and labour her sister wasn't half as bad.

They are worth all of that a million times over. Money is tight but we are happy.

[FancyFrenchCake1]

Had to add 1 on the end of username as someone else is using it now

[FancyFrenchCake1]

I haven't developed HG yet, no. Although I have been ill with it in all of my pregnancies so far, and have no reason to think it will be any different this time

I've booked an appointment for the procedure and they gave me a date around 16 days from now. I have someone from there calling me for a counselling session today. I'm still undecided.

[slithytove]

Have you developed HG already then? I didn't think it was a given that if you had it in one pregnancy you would have it in another?

[SideOrderofChips]

One is 8.5 and the other is due september. out of my 3 children 1 was planned.

With this one i am pregnant with now, we thought we were done, no more. got rid of everything. But when it happened we talked it through and decided that we could do it and kept him.

[FancyFrenchCake]

Honestly, I think we could get through it, if I wasn't going to get HG. It's the main reason now that is stopping us from going forward. Everything else could be sorted.

I feel very sad about it now, and my head is so confused.

[hibbledibble]

How do you feel now French fancy ?

Why do you think you couldn't keep this pregnancy? Are they things that could be overcome?

[5madthings]

Ds1 was a surprise,he is now fifteen.

I got preg earlier this year, unplanned, it would have been number six, it was a shock and I was worried how we would cope but I miscarried so didn't have to decide. I can see now that it would have been mad to have had another, I would have had it though and am sad I miscarried but in reality it was for the best.

It's so hard, only you know what will be the right choice for you, I am 100% pro choice, take your time and do what is right for you xxx

[FancyFrenchCake]

I have a telephone appointment with Marie Stopes today, for my consultation to book in. I am feeling very mixed about it. No one in RL knows about this, and I intend to keep it quiet if we are going through with our appointments.

DH & I were discussing it last night, then we got news from my SIL that they are expecting too.

SIL will have the same pregnancy timeline as I would have had. I feel worried about how I will feel when my would be due date comes and goes, and their will still be a baby, just not ours. I know that probably sounds selfish ( I just want to state I am very happy for SIL, they deserve this baby and are a great family already)

Has anyone been in that situation? ^^

[Thurlow]

Good luck. It's a huge decision, but I'm a firm believer that in these situations you always have this niggling little gut feeling which tells you the decision that you really want to make. And it sounds like you have yours.

[FancyFrenchCake]

I was so sure that having a termination was the choice we should go with. I'm very ill in pregnancy, I suffer badly after too. I am just starting to get into a routine that I'm happy with & my youngest starts school soon.

However, I'm beginning to doubt now. This is why I asked for opinions. TheoriginalLEM your last sentence is so wise, and so true. It's made me stop & think now though, are we meant to have this baby? I've reread the thread because of this, and am having a rethink.

[froggyjump]

We found out we were expecting DC3 when I was 18 weeks pregnant. Obviously finding out so late (hmmm... explained a lot!) meant that we had no choices to make.

Dc3 was unexpected, 11 years after Dc1 and 9 years after dc 2.
For me it was the age gap that caused the biggest problems. Dealing with a very young child plus teenage angst was hard going. On the plus side, we didn't need three car seats but we did have to get a whole new lot of baby gear in as we had got rid of it all.

These two quotes from (different) PP's sums up my experience of unexplained pregnancy! Like gnome de plume my DH became a SAHP and my career took off - in the last 5 years since having ds3 I have got a new job and had 2 pay rises

[Clawdy]

We had three lively and demanding boys, the youngest was nearly seven and I had gone back to work part-time. For the first time in years we were getting back on our feet. At nearly forty I found I was pregnant, we both panicked and had a dreadful Christmas discussing what to do. We decided to go through with it, and had to put up with people thinking we were "trying for a girl"! As it happens, we did have a girl, and she was, and still is, a joy. I can't bear to think she might not have been here. But every situation is different.

[TheoriginalLEM]

I have two children, they are the light of my life, both were serendipitous.

The first when i was 19, condom failure, ended up with me being a single parent. Best thing that ever happened to me - turned me from a rebellous teenager with no real future to a mother, she was the reason i went to college/university etc. I would have had no reason to try without her.

DD2 aged 35 lazy contraception, such an irregular cycle that i honestly thought i was infertile. Huge impact on my life, if i am very honest, not all positive, but mostly VERY positive.

I adore both of my children and a termination was never a consideration, its just something i could never do.

I truly believe that both of my children were meant to be here.

If you are meant to have this baby, you will and you will be happy. If you aren't meant to then you wont, and you will be happy.

[Claireshh]

I'm 6 weeks pregnant with number 3.

We gave up on a third after a miscarriage last year.

My Dad died on 14th May and I found out that I was pregnant on 14 June.

I'd got my head around that we were not having a third and it is hard daring to hope that it may be ok.

I'm not sure how I'll cope if it goes wrong.

[FancyFrenchCake]

Just came back on here, and seen all the responses. Thank you so much for being honest & sharing both outcomes with me.

slithytove -

[Mamus]

I terminated an unplanned pregnancy in 2004. I gave birth to a very unplanned DS3 last November. I am at peace with both decisions.

In 2004 I was just not ready. With DS3, well... It was appalling timing. We'd both just started new jobs, were starting to get back on our feet after a few years of unemployment (DH) and studying (me) and financial near disaster. DS1 was 8 and DS2 was 5, we had not planned another child and were starting to enjoy the changes that meant we had a little more time and freedom now they were no longer babies. DS1 had been displaying some very challenging behaviour, we were considering asking for camhs involvement at the time. We had no local support network, having relocated, and we knew my family (DH never sees and barely has contact with his) would be very disapproving of us having another baby. DH actually wanted me to terminate the pregnancy. I got as far as making the consultation appointment with the local NHS provider, although in all honesty I doubt they'd have preformed the procedure as it was so very clearly not what I wanted- I cried so much during the phone call to make the appointment that twice they told me to take a break, get my composure back, etc. because I knew. I just knew. I'd had an unwanted pregnancy in the past, I knew the difference between a pregnancy I wanted to end and a pregnancy that might be damned inconvenient but which I was already thinking of as a baby. I thought I was going to have to terminate regardless of what I wanted as everything seemed to be pushing me relentlessly in that direction. I told DH that I didn't want to terminate but I would do if he wasn't on board with another child, that I wasn't going to try and change his mind but that I needed him to know how much I did not want to do it and that I was going to take a long, long time to recover from it. And a couple of days later he told me that if a baby would make me happy, he would be happy too.

And he is. We all are. DS 3 is sheer delight. I'm tired and the house is a tip and there is no time for anything and pregnancy nearly did for me this time round and I think DH is still in shock at the return to the baby years... But we're all so in love! And it all feels so right. The older boys adore and are adored by the baby. And I didn't get fired (horrid employer with form for doing just that) and DH is doing well in his job and my family, despite being weird as expected when we announced, are as fiercely in love with DS3 as with his brothers and ended up being very emotionally supportive. So I am glad glad glad I had this baby. More glad than I could put into words.

That said, OP, the right decision is whatever is right for you. I hope you have the love and support you deserve whatever choice you make. I hope you have peace. There is no 'good' or 'bad' choice. What matters is that the choice is yours.