To be pissed off that DH doesn't leave the house when looking after our Ds aged 2

[Bumpandkind]

I may be, being harsh on him but will let the MN jury decide!
We both work hard and juggle all childcare between the two of us. He looks after Ds from 06.30am to 4pm whilst I'm at work three days a week and goes to work as soon as I return in the evening until returning home aprox 12.30am.

We live in a small, gardenless urban flat and Never takes Ds out anywhere. TBH I'm not sure how he fills the day as staying in with a very active toddler would drive me crazy. As soon as I get home I always whisk him out to the park or soft play.

I understand that he's often exhausted but going out to the local playground with him for 40 mins would only take 1hour out of his day.

I've tried to raise this with him many times but nothing has come of it.

[ChickenLaVidaLoca]

Is DS bouncing off the walls when you get in, is that why you take him to the park?

[NobodyLivesHere]

I'm not an outdoors person, neither is my son. We enjoy indoor activities and I don't think that going outside necessarily makes you a better a parent. It irks me somewhat that my DP gripes that I don't 'go out' as if that is the holy grail of parenting. If dh enjoys staying home and you enjoy going out then I don't really see the issue.

[SeaCabbage]

That they play together is lovely but surely any child, or in fact any human, needs fresh air to stay healthy. I would hate it if my child didnt' go out all day.

And you saying you've got beautiful parks nearby makes it even sadder. Does your dh not like going out by himself either? Have you discovered what it is that stops him.

Imagine if a childminder didn't let her charges out all day, no one would use her.

[Bellebella]

Maybe he feels out of place at toddler groups/soft play etc. My oh will take our ds to the park but he avoids soft play and groups because he says he is often the only man there. He will do it of course if our son asked but it's not what oh would choose to do. He just finds it awkward and I must admit some of the toddler groups around us are not at all man friendly.

I would perhaps point your oh in the direction in the park or perhaps ask him to get you something from the shop but if they both seem happy and ds is fine staying in then leave them to it.

[Branleuse]

it isnt ideal, but its really not that bad either if hes in till 4pm 3 days a week

[plantsitter]

To be honest his does sound a particularly gruelling schedule. Are you sure he's not depressed?

That aside, you can't know what goes on when you're not there and if your DS is learning to entertain himself a bit that has to be good.

However as a pp said, if you're HAVING to take him out because he's stir crazy, that's different.

[Bumpandkind]

Sorry I didn't get back to some posters. Bedtime routine then my sister had a baby!! Lots of family Skype,calls ensued. Thanks all x

[Jo4040]

Hmmm..what about swimming...a trio to the shops with a shopping list?... Cleaning the car...library looking at books

[Sweetnhappy]

I think YABU (coming from someone who has done shift-work in the past). TBH if I was working a late shift like that I'd be trying to conserve my energy in the day. Your DH is basically up at 06.30am to start looking after the toddler and getting home from work at 12.30am? With no break in between? That's a really long day. On your days of childcare I'm guessing you're looking after the toddler from 06.30am until DS goes to sleep at 7/8.00pm and then can wind down and get to bed. If the toddler is happy and developing well, go with the flow.

[NRomanoff]

I think Yabu. Plenty of mothers stay at home with their kids. Plenty don't take them out every day.

You are different kinds of parents. As long as he is interacting with ds I don't see the issue. No one is wrong just different.

[Wherediditallgoright]

Yanbu. It's obvious what's going on here. I had an ex exactly the same. He sits with the laptop, tv on, child potters around playing, dad looks up and grunts occasionally. Child gets used to dad's lack of engagement and amuses himself. Time passes, you come home and take over.

[NRomanoff]

How is it obvious? That isn't what the OP has said at all.

Just because your ex didn't gove a shot, it doesn't mean all men are

[NRomanoff]

give a shit

[SaucyJack]

I think it's wrong not to be giving a child exercise on a regular basis, regardless of parental genitalia. Remember they don't have a garden.

[SoupDragon]

It's obvious what's going on here. I had an ex exactly the same. He sits with the laptop, tv on, child potters around playing, dad looks up and grunts occasionally.

I'm guessing you couldn't be arsed to read the thread up to the point where the OP said her DH had been dancing to Upsa Daisy with his son.

[SoupDragon]

Am I reading it correctly that your DH gets less than 6 hours sleep a night when you are working?

[Hardtoknow]

OP - if you want your son to go out & about or have more interaction with toddlers, I think you should pay for some childcare & let your DH get some sleep. He must be exhausted.

[Bumpandkind]

Yes soupdragon some times it works out like that but they both have a two hour nap midday.

[slightlyconfused85]

I have to say I think yabu. If they're not getting on each other's nerves and ds isn't whingey then they must be doing things; reading books is a valid activity. Perhaps ds helps him with the chores he does? Kids love this. When Dh stays at home with dd they seem to do a lot of 'diy' 'tidying' and 'making lunch' all of which she loves to help with (in the loosest sense of the word). Is let them get on with it of everyone is happy

[Wherediditallgoright]

I did read the thread. Op said he was on the ipad.

How many seconds does it take to sing along with upsy daisy? How many more seconds/minutes/hours are there in a day where the child is hanging around the house? Lazy arse.

[Birdsgottafly]

I've worked shifts as a LP.

There were days when my two younger DDS spent the day building dens (chairs and sheets), reading, colouring, building, playing school/house/shops.

It's fine not to go out every day, as long as it isn't a lack of confidence (that would need support).

If you toddler is happy when you get home, that's all that matters.

I've known parents who ho out and about with their children, but interact very little eith them, always taking a friend of their child etc.

Just cuddling on the couch and talking to each other, enjoying doing things together, is what builds a good relationship.

[Radiatorvalves]

I think it is really important to go out every day. I would have gone nuts without fresh air (and I am not v sporty) and boys would have climbed the walls. I was rubbish at craft etc and so kiddy groups were good for that...but the playground is something that IMHO is a fundamentally important part of a toddlers development.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I didn't go out every day when I was home looking after small boys - it may not have been ideal, but we all survived, and the boys have grown up just fine.

[musicmaiden]

I would agree that he should take him out to the park, or shops, or library, if only for a little while (certainly no obligation to do groups - that's fair enough). However I suspect it comes down to sheer exhaustion on his part, and when you're feeling tired, it's way easier to potter at home or be sofa-based.

I would talk to him honestly about whether he is doing ok with these very long days or whether it would be better to consider a bit of childcare.

[dixiechick1975]

Agree your DH must be knackered. You don't say what he does but if he is about to start a physical night shift as a nurse etc then I can see why he would want a pottering day.

Would a compromise be to see if DH will take DS to a physical activity once a week then take it from there. Swimming - duckling lessons, tumble tots, soccer tots etc.