To be pissed off that DH doesn't leave the house when looking after our Ds aged 2

[Bumpandkind]

I may be, being harsh on him but will let the MN jury decide!
We both work hard and juggle all childcare between the two of us. He looks after Ds from 06.30am to 4pm whilst I'm at work three days a week and goes to work as soon as I return in the evening until returning home aprox 12.30am.

We live in a small, gardenless urban flat and Never takes Ds out anywhere. TBH I'm not sure how he fills the day as staying in with a very active toddler would drive me crazy. As soon as I get home I always whisk him out to the park or soft play.

I understand that he's often exhausted but going out to the local playground with him for 40 mins would only take 1hour out of his day.

I've tried to raise this with him many times but nothing has come of it.

[grumpybear68]

Oh for crying out loud, he's trying to be the best Dad he can be. Stop criticizing.
If he continues this when DS is walking and toilet trained,you might have a point - but not until then.

[nooka]

My dh was a part time SAHD when my dd was a toddler and ds had just started school. I don't think they did anything very much on their two 'Daddy days' but dd absolutely loved them. dh isn't a very outdoorsy person and he is quite introvert so going out didn't particularly appeal to him and it probably didn't cross his mind to do soft play or toddler groups (where he might well have been unwelcome or alternatively had to talk to people).

I on the other hand am very easily bored so when I had them on my own during the day we always went on expeditions. Which they also enjoyed, but whilst part of my motivation was that they had a stimulating interesting time it was also for my sanity.

[Xmasbaby11]

yanbu. Fine to have the odd day at home - although I don't think I ever did at that age - but physical exercise should be encouraged. I don't think it's normal to not go outside at all on a regular basis so I wouldn't want this for my dc.

[chaiselounger]

I can't believe this thread. I too like to stay at home with the boys. Wonders what grounds there is for insisting that op's Dh takes their dd out.

[BarbarianMum]

I think first tackle the exhaustion, then worry about what's happening at home. 6.30-4.40pm childcare then a full work shift sounds like hell, even if on a part-time basis.

[FrenchJunebug]

YABU the child is 2 not 12. At that age everything is exciting and you do not need to go out to the playground to have fun. Also how is it lazy to look after your child?!

[Rosie29]

I've been doing the kind of hours the op's dh does for 11 years, since my oldest was born!! Looking after whichever kids I had at home am, off to work at three (when dh or a babysitter took over) and working until 11, sometimes later, up at 6.45 to get everyone ready and out the house, then all housework, cooking, shopping etc, with the little ones. It's easier now the older ones are at school /nursery, it's not unsustainable, you just need to get on with it!

[Georgethesecond]

I wouldn't do it like this, I liked to get out when mine were little. But your DH is doing it. If he's doing it,he gets to do it his way. It sounds as though your son gets a fair balance of activities.

[ChickenLaVidaLoca]

If DH and DS are both having a 2 hour daily nap, that means DH could be getting 7-8 hours sleep a day. I agree he's still likely to be knackered, as he doesn't seem to have any downtime when he's awake, and that it would be worth investigating nursery options. But he may well be getting plenty of sleep.

[Jdee41]

I would agree with other posters that the long hours he is putting in are not sustainable in the long term, and could have a detrimental effect on his mental and physical health. I myself struggled with long hours to accommodate DW's work, and it ended in me having been on ADs for the last year and other solutions having to be found.

As ChazsBrilliantAttitude says, it sound like they have a great bond, though. As the parent of a Night Garden obsessed toddler, anyone dancing to the Upsy Daisy tune is fine in my book! :)

[NRomanoff]

Where you are projecting your issues onto the OPs thread.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

Your DH must be knackered so I can understand if he can't face a trek to the park. The problem will probably solve itself when you get your DS turns 3 and you can get the free nursery hours. They are clearly having fun and your DS is building a great bond with your DH.

[Alibabsandthe40Musketeers]

So you work three days - but get evenings to yourself and a full night's sleep.

Your DH works 4-12.30am, he gets home and goes to bed, to wake up 6 hours later and go straight into childcare? No wonder he doesn't want to go out, he must be exhausted. Does he get much downtime?

I think you need to look at childcare options.

[OhEmGeee]

Actually I think you are being a bit unreasonable.

Your DH must be shattered. He's up from 6.30-12.30 three days a week, shift work is exhausting (I do it). I have days where I don't take the DC out, why does this automatically make you a shit parent? Just because you parent differently doesn't mean he's wrong and you're right. Although after after 3 days I would be going a bit stir crazy, he could go out at least one day.

Why not look into a local pre-school (mine started at 2 and a half) for a couple of mornings a week, it's cheaper than nursery and a nice way for them to make friends.

[ninaaa]

YANBU

Your DS needs fresh air, exercise and new experiences. Sitting at home all the time will do him no good. Yes, he is playing and interacting which is great, but he needs a balance of all types of play. In a small gardenless flat he won't be able to run around, and may have low vitamin D from not being outside.

I do get pother posters points about DH possibly being exhausted, or depressed, in which case your current situation is not really suitable and you should look at e.g. nursery one day a week.

[DeeWe]

If I'm right then his day is: Up at 6:30 to look after ds.
6:30-16:00 looking after ds.
16:00-12:30 working...

I couldn't do that long term. Even assuming he arrives back and crashes immediately into bed, and your ds never disturbs him before 6:30 then he's only getting 6 hours a night.
He's also having no downtime either.
Both would be fine for me on a short term, but really run me into the ground long term.

But I don't think it's a biggie if he's not taking out, assuming he's not spending the time dozing on the sofa.

I always took the girls out because I found it easier to entertain them, I envied these parents that could say "lets take a toilet roll and make it..." I ran out of patience long before the tidy up time, and didn't have the imagination to do it in the first place.

Ds however slept during the morning when toddler groups were, and was often ill so I found things we could do at home. I think in a lot of ways that was better because I was directly interacting with him and we spent a lot of time chatting about things he was interested in.

Just different parenting. You couldn't tall which of mine I'd done which with.

[dixiechick1975]

Agree your DH must be knackered. You don't say what he does but if he is about to start a physical night shift as a nurse etc then I can see why he would want a pottering day.

Would a compromise be to see if DH will take DS to a physical activity once a week then take it from there. Swimming - duckling lessons, tumble tots, soccer tots etc.

[musicmaiden]

I would agree that he should take him out to the park, or shops, or library, if only for a little while (certainly no obligation to do groups - that's fair enough). However I suspect it comes down to sheer exhaustion on his part, and when you're feeling tired, it's way easier to potter at home or be sofa-based.

I would talk to him honestly about whether he is doing ok with these very long days or whether it would be better to consider a bit of childcare.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I didn't go out every day when I was home looking after small boys - it may not have been ideal, but we all survived, and the boys have grown up just fine.

[Radiatorvalves]

I think it is really important to go out every day. I would have gone nuts without fresh air (and I am not v sporty) and boys would have climbed the walls. I was rubbish at craft etc and so kiddy groups were good for that...but the playground is something that IMHO is a fundamentally important part of a toddlers development.

[Birdsgottafly]

I've worked shifts as a LP.

There were days when my two younger DDS spent the day building dens (chairs and sheets), reading, colouring, building, playing school/house/shops.

It's fine not to go out every day, as long as it isn't a lack of confidence (that would need support).

If you toddler is happy when you get home, that's all that matters.

I've known parents who ho out and about with their children, but interact very little eith them, always taking a friend of their child etc.

Just cuddling on the couch and talking to each other, enjoying doing things together, is what builds a good relationship.

[Wherediditallgoright]

I did read the thread. Op said he was on the ipad.

How many seconds does it take to sing along with upsy daisy? How many more seconds/minutes/hours are there in a day where the child is hanging around the house? Lazy arse.

[slightlyconfused85]

I have to say I think yabu. If they're not getting on each other's nerves and ds isn't whingey then they must be doing things; reading books is a valid activity. Perhaps ds helps him with the chores he does? Kids love this. When Dh stays at home with dd they seem to do a lot of 'diy' 'tidying' and 'making lunch' all of which she loves to help with (in the loosest sense of the word). Is let them get on with it of everyone is happy

[Bumpandkind]

Yes soupdragon some times it works out like that but they both have a two hour nap midday.

[Hardtoknow]

OP - if you want your son to go out & about or have more interaction with toddlers, I think you should pay for some childcare & let your DH get some sleep. He must be exhausted.