To tell this woman to fuck off next time?

[duckyneedsaclean]

So, background - ds2 has severe developmental delays, gets middle rate DLA, likely genetic condition, currently in a clinical study to work out what is causing his issues. Had regular physio, SALT, brain MRIs etc etc.

He's been at nursery in a funded 2 year old place since January.

He's very recently started to begin walking. Holding on until last week, now can walk short distances unaided.

Now to the bitch.

A month ago at picking up time he walked towards me holding a staff members hand. They said very excitedly that he'd been walking a lot. Another mother butted in saying "oh! He just needed some time away from mum!"

I was more than a bit but thought maybe it was one of those things where you say something without thinking.

Today, two members of staff were telling me he'd walked between rooms on his own and been really proud of himself. He saw me, crawled towards me. Again she popped up and said "But he starts crawling when he sees mum! Haha"

Wtf? Is she unhinged?

[Cherryblossomsinspring]

I would just say 'I'm sorry but what do you mean by that? You keep making similar comments and I don't understand the point you are making'.

Maybe she really means no harm or maybe she is insinuating something but OP I can assure you if she does mean it nastily, it's her problem as it means she's a idiot with issues.

[ImprobableBee]

"Pardon? Oh, I'm so sorry! It must be so difficult for you - going through life with all these people asking for your opinion all the time."

[BettyCatKitten]

What a nasty, ignorant woman. Fix her with a death stare and ignore. All the best to your wee boy

[Biggles398]

I'm going to tell you to rise above her comments, and simply ignore her as if she wasn't even there and you'd not heard her. You and the nursery staff know just how well he's doing, and can be immensely proud of it.
(In reality, I would have spouted something to her before I engaged my brain and it probably would have been along the lines of "keep your trap shut", or "you clearly have no idea.....")

[grannytomine]

Maybe she is jealous of the attention your son gets and doesn't realise the issues. Some people are just idiots, some aren't that good. Well done to your little boy.

[FloraPost]

Lots of good suggestions here of how to set her straight in a civilised way. You wouldn't be at all rude to tell her clearly and directly that your DS has developmental issues and she is upsetting you. If she has an ounce of dignity or intelligence she'll apologise, you can be magnanimous and everybody moves on. If not, any tension (not that I'd care) is completely of her making.

[vodkanchocolate]

she needs to keep her nose out. My daughter had development delays although coming on in leaps and bounds atm really proud of her, shes 5 in 2 weeks and also has suspected autism the comments are really heartbreaking people just do not understand until they are in that situation and then of course its a different matter completely

[theDudesmummy]

People really do say things without thinking, and maybe don't mean any harm, but it is hard to deal with the sting of this sometimes. I have not yet forgiven the wife of a friend of ours who, when DS did not start speaking, told me that I should try "speaking to him, like I did with my kids". I suppose one could say that she meant well, but she already knew by this time that he had been diagnosed with autism, we were pulling out all the stops to try and help him, and that he was having weekly speech therapy, and behavioural tutoring for thirty hours a week, and that we were nearly crushed under the financial and emotional strain of it. Yet she seemed to think that we could have just avoided all that if we had just bothered to listen to her bright idea and "speak to him"! and that she was somehow giving me some invaluable advice. I was icy to her that day and still don't speak to HER! Probably I am being unfair and oversensitive. But that's how I feel. People do need to think more carefully sometimes.

[DowntownFunk]

If she does it again, and you manage not to tell her to fuck off, ask her to repeat herself, twice, if you really want to. Then shake your head and say "I though that's what you said, oh dear".

She'll feel about an inch high and hopefully won't do it again.

[duckyneedsaclean]

Thanks for the further replies! To those saying she probably doesn't realise he has additional needs, I did give her the benefit of doubt the first time. But since then his physio has been to nursery - I think she saw her/overheard. Also, the excitement of the staff at him walking and the large special needs pushchair I pick him up with... I don't see how she couldn't realise really.

[BuildYourOwnSnowman]

If she said it once I could see it could have been a gaffe

But that's twice - and I'm guessing there was tumble weed the first time

Even in the best case scenario that she has gone foot in mouth on you, the kindest thing would be to tell her she is upsetting you. She will either be mortified but think before she speaks next time. Or she will prove she did it maliciously by her response.

Either way, I think you should pick her up on it

[reni1]

If there is a third time, just say "This is your third hurtful remark about a developmentally delayed child. Please stop, it is really inappropriate."

[SunnyBaudelaire]

she sounds like a total cunt but sadly there's a lot of them about.
Fix her with a hard stare and say 'what are you trying to say exactly?'

[Haffdonga]

To me she sounds socially awkward and trying to make a fellow 'us mums and the things our LOs do to wind us round their fingers' type joke.

A poorly executed joke, not actually funny, granted, but not meant as a criticism.

I often make well-meant intentioned social gaffes and wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat when I later suddenly realise how my attempt at friendliness might have sounded. I bet she'd be mortified if she knew how you felt.

Personally, I'd respond to her with a friendly smile and say something like It's such a massive achievement for DS. He's been trying so hard. I'm so proud of him.

[LilyKiwi]

Congrats to you and your little boy, exciting times! I'm going with her being completely and utterly socially inept!

[rockybalboa]

Oh yes, if there was ever a time to crack out "did you mean to be so rude?" then this is it! Well done your DS!

[ImperialBlether]

I would say what SDT said.

[BathtimeFunkster]

Yes, publicly humiliating someone who has misread a situation is definitely the way to go.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I think I would say, "Do you think it is funny to laugh at a child who has developmental issues and is working so hard to overcome them?"

[BrendaBlackhead]

With FindingMyFeet and Bathtime: it's just a thing people say to try to bond. You know, like how they read perfectly at school but make out they're a complete dunce if you make a move to get out the school reading book. I'm sure she didn't mean to be horrible and probably had no idea that he had additional needs. I can, however, understand how easy it is to perceive an insult.

[BathtimeFunkster]

It sounds to me that she was making a joke about kids playing up to parents. People use that one with all kids regardless of ability so she was treating your ds no differently to another child.

Exactly.

I doesn't sound like she was taking the piss or trying to belittle a toddler's efforts to walk, but trying to find common ground with another parent.

[Whatisaweekend]

Perhaps she is just a bit of a moron - does she know that your ds has difficulties? I think the next time she makes a comment, I would reply "You do know that he has developmental delays/sn/disabilities, don't you???? (whichever is your preferred term) and then fix her with a hard stare. Hopefully she will have the good grace to look mortified and apologise. More likely she will blush and babble yet more crap but I doubt she will do it again after that (if she does I think you are legally allowed to rip her a new one).

[BubGal13]

ducky must be my time of the month as got bit teary imagining your sweet little DS walking and the excitement of him/nursery staff/you at this lovely development...then got to the weird freak woman. Fuming. Nothing clever to suggest saying though sorry, but if she says anything similar again you must say something to shut her up once and for all.

[tethersend]

"Thanks for the comments, but this situation doesn't involve you"

You don't owe her any explanation at all.

[findingmyfeet12]

Ok, I'll revise my view. The only way to deal with this is to hiss at her and send her away with a flea in her ear.