To have got pregnant one month after starting new job?

[DimpleHands]

I started a new job in January and got pregnant one month later. I am now 12 weeks and DREADING telling my boss.

I know it's not ideal but in my defence I had to leave my old job because of discrimination (they admitted to this and paid up). Also I am 36 and didn't want to take the chance of waiting in case we had problems conceiving. Further, DS1 is 2.5 and didn't want there to be a big age gap between them.

I work in a big City law firm where the partners earn well into the seven figures so no one is really going to be affected - it's not like I work in a tiny company where my absence would have a real impact.

SO, how would you feel if you were my boss? When I tell him, should I be incredibly apologetic or do you think what I have done is fine? Just read a thread where the OP said she wouldn't get pregnant out of respect for a new employer for at least a year and am now feeling really bad!

[DimpleHands]

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate hearing your views.

The firm did know I had a two year old child when they took me on (I told them in the interview) so I am sure they realised I would have another fairly soon. I also work part-time so I hope my maternity leave won't be such a headache.

Also, having worked in big City law firms for 14 years, I have come to realise that in the majority of cases there is very little loyalty from the firm to the lawyers. We work incredibly long hours and sacrifice a lot to do the job well, but if there is a recession there is no hesitation in making people redundant to protect profit per partners where those partners are earning millions each year. I saw this very clearly in 2008/2009. I also had a horrible experience at my last firm when I found out my first DC was disabled - having worked ridiculous hours for them for years, they were so unkind when I found out (hence the discrimination claim). So to be honest I don't have such loyalty to my employers that I would be willing to delay trying to conceive when I am already 36.

Luckily this firm seem really decent though so I am hoping it won't go down too badly...

[Idefix]

The law says you should tell your employer of your pregnancy no later than 15 weeks before your due date. I have known women to leave it very late when they fear discrimination or passive aggressive behaviour from colleagues and managers Andre . women can start maternity leave from 11 weeks before the due date and this would potentially give the women 3 weeks of possible hostile atmosphere instead of months of can't be bothered to do the math if they told employer immediately after the first trimester.

Of course it would be lovely to tell earlier and receive lots well meant congratulations and appropriate support but that doesn't always happen.

[Andrewofgg]

Idefix Of course you are right. It's a gamble: tell them early and you may get more hostility for longer or you may get lots of support and goodwill and more consideration than the law entitles you to - if your line manager is an well-meaning old softie like Andrewofgg he won't even count how many ante-natal appointments you have and will make certain that you aren't asked to move heavy bundles of paper around - and it will stand you in good stead when you go back. OP will have to be the judge of it.

DimpleHands Congratulations and good luck whichever you do.

[JeanneDeMontbaston]

OP, good luck with the pregnancy. Agree it's perfectly fair.

I think that's was really inappropriate comment too, andrew.

Please have a think about not doing it again. It's not supportive, and it would make me feel very uncomfortable if I knew you thought you were being a 'softie' by making normal allowances - it implies you think you're doing something special and/or you think the person in question is no longer up to the job.

I know you're trying to be nice, but that's why I wanted to say how it might come across.

[Laquila]

I sympathise with your comment about lack of loyalty/consideration from the employer, OP - I feel as though it's often assumed in these situations that employers have some sort of higher moral code and unstinting regard for their employees' welfare.

[MrsHathaway]

I moved from a very big law firm who were arseholes to a slightly smaller big law firm who were lovely, and got my bfp within the first month.

Nobody was anything but lovely about it, even though I didn't go back. I didn't qualify for the enhanced package (I think you had to have been there a full year) nor even for SMP (only MA). And my big client folded when I was about 7m pg so it pretty much worked out that the overall workload reduced just as I left.

After traumatic mc I had no guarantee that a pgy would result in a baby anyway. I feel a slight twinge of guilt ... but only because I should have stayed with the arsehole firm and taken them for all the maternity provision available!

I will never regret taking the job nor the timing of DC2 nor leaving at the end of ML. The senior partner in particular was absolutely lovely about it - we had a deep and meaningful about our respective mcs and the heartbreak of TTC.

And I was damn good for the eight months I was there. People move jobs more quickly than that in some fields anyway.

[Idefix]

It's not a gamble many women have a good idea what the likely reception to this kind of news will be. But very hard to call when you have been in the job less than a month.

For some women they would rather take normal leave for appointments and find other excuses not to undertake possible risky elements of job whilst pregnant. This can be preferable to sharing their good news.

Women are entitled to paid time off for antenatal appointments and all aspects of work should be risk assessed ensuring that the pregnant women is not put at risk. If the tell you they are pregnant they are entitled to this as law.
This is not about being a softie or are you teasing Andre

[Plateofcrumbs]

I got pregnant about a month in to a new job - I did feel a bit bad for my new employers but on the other hand I'd also thrown away better maternity benefits (due to longer service) at my old job so it wasn't as though the situation was particularly beneficial for me.

We were TTC but had been trying for a while and were just about to start fertility investigations. If I'd known I would get pregnant right then I wouldn't have changed jobs, but sadly we don't have the luxury of that foresight! You can't put you life on hold whilst TTC.

[Unsecreteaters]

If I was your boss, I would be delighted for you. As someone said earlier, if you like your job and they clearly liked you at interview, what does it matter if you're pregnant now, in 6 months or in 3 years, as you'll probably be back. Do not apologise. And don't explain. I don't know how well you know your boss, but do you really want to discuss your fertility or sex life with him/her?

And anyone who gets irritated by stuff like this.....I find it amazing that people sometimes seem to have forgotten the means by which they arrived on this planet. And nobody ever knows what is around the corner. They're kidding themselves if they think they do.

Many congratulations on your pregnancy OP, and all the best.

[Andrewofgg]

Thank you Jeanne for your advice.

I can only say that this was not my first pg managee and may not be my last and I have always tried to be supportive beyond the requirements of the law or indeed of my office. I have tried to vary the approach to suit the managee - as I have in other aspects of management.

[JeanneDeMontbaston]

YY, I do see that you mean it well.

[LadyCatherineDeTurd]

One good reason why you might not mention it straight away is worry about getting the boot. I started a new job pregnant, unplanned, having found out three days earlier. As a precaution, I avoided disclosing it until I'd done enough weeks there to qualify for maternity allowance, so if the shit hit the fan I'd still be ok for mat leave. This only meant waiting a little while though. Before the first scan.

[Htab208]

Hi,

I feel pregnant although the results are yet negative but it's only been a week since I had concieved only cause I am trying and tracking.

I have been on contracts and trying from 6months and I am already like 33 and was about to start my fertility journey. I just started new contract which is 1 year FTC on the company payrolls. I want it to renew but having worked short and getting pregnant 1momth after. I am not sure if they will renew. Although I am. Supposed to enjoy this journey cause this is what I wanted but I am afraid and stressed about my job at same time.

Can someone help what would be the law like? I do feel bad for manager and one of my colleague referred me but this is a contract job although I want it to renew I also want to concieve. Since I am not a permanent employee I am. Afraid they won't renew and i know its not ideal to get pregnant one month after I didn't know I would concieve straight into this job.
I wish it would have happened may be 5months later but it is what it is. Any comments are appreciated. Thank you.

[Jibberjabberhutt]

@Viviennemary

I'd think what a timewaster. Sorry!

You can think what you like, it makes no odds to the law.

[Jibberjabberhutt]

Oh for fuck sake. THIS THREAD IS ANCIENT!