To get a cleaner behind DH's back??

[Writerwannabe83]

Long standing issue of me wanting to get a cleaner and him not. He reckons he doesn't want a stranger in the house and that we can just do the cleaning ourselves. Needless to say he hardly ever does housework and his 'we can do the housework' will mean that I end up doing it all.

We've been having this discussion for months and I've had enough and am thinking of just going ahead without his knowledge.

He's going away for a week soon so I was thinking that in his absence I could have a cleaner come in to do one of those major, full house deep cleans and then make a regular arrangement with them to come weekly or fortnightly to keep on top of everything. I would obviously arrange this for a time when DH is at work The reason for keeping it all a secret is so he can't moan about a stranger having been in the house

Personally I see no harm in this as I am so sick of his 'stranger' excuse and his indecision and I'm also tired of living in a house where housework never seems to get done

[sparechange]

That's about right for an agency, but the cleaner will only be seeing £7 of that.
I pay £10 direct to my cleaner (in London) and she leaves me with written invoices so I'm fairly confident she pays tax etc on it

[Jackiebrambles]

We pay £10 an hour in London.

[Bellerina2]

Hassle.com is £10 an hour and there is usually some sort of first timer discount code floating around. They might not be UK-wide though.

[CinnabarRed]

I pay £11 per hour to a non-agency cleaner. Buckinghamshire.

If the £12.50 fee includes e.g. a cover cleaner when your usual is off sick/replacement if she or he leaves/insurance for breakages/cleaning materials then it's not bad.

[Nolim]

A little bit pricey i think. But it depends on the area.

[Writerwannabe83]

I've been in touch with one company who quoted £12.50 an hour. I have no idea if that's reasonable. I'm going to contact a few more I think to get a broader view....

[Bellerina2]

Why not use an agency or Hassle.com as all the cleaners on there are security checked and vetted? It's a little insulting if he thinks all cleaners are automatically thiefs or will snoop around.

[pinkyredrose]

Hey he cooks it's not all bad he's tired after his long days work I don't blame him for not wanting to clean maybe the baby will grow up to be just like him, that'll be fun in the future

[AnyFucker]

OP, instead of posting the same scenario multiple times why don't you try actually taking the advice you get ?

A novelty, but it might just get you somewhere instead of round in circles.

And take yourself seriously, huh ? All these all over the shop just make you look a bit light on the gravitas. Your H doesn't take you seriously, so perhaps it might be an idea to start doing it for yourself ?

[daisychain01]

Could you compromise (re the stranger in the house excuse) and go through an agency who do all the pre-interview work and CRB checks.

Also an agency normally allows a first visit to include some familiarisation for your cleaner, so you and DH can get to know the person and build up a rapport.

[Nolim]

Chunderella i will take your word that op has posted in other threads. Maybe i am the only one in this thread who suffers from lack of info.

[Trills]

If you really feel like you want to get a cleaner "behind his back" then there are bigger problems than the cleaning, no matter how much you might like to tell yourself that everything else is fine.

[Writerwannabe83]

No Hazel, things were fine at first it's only since I stopped being at work 18 months ago that things spiralled downwards. I was at home so I took over in terms of domestic stuff and after it being that way for so long it seems to be a pattern we got stuck in.

The redeeming factor is that he does all the cooking

[HazleNutt]

He's been promising to change for 4 years?

[Writerwannabe83]

lonny - you are 100% right!!! Sod it, I'm just going to do it!!

[Shetland]

I had this problem and we reached a compromise.
I got cleaners in for a deep clean every 4 months (which I've quietly increased to every 3) but they don't do our bedroom - he also had issues with the privacy thing so that was the compromise.
I have DC3 due shortly and I fully intend to increase them to weekly forever for the first few months and I'm hoping he'll go for that because he's met them now and everything has been fine.

[LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett]

Oh Writer! FFS how is this still going on?

You are now working and you have a baby. You don't want to spend your precious time off cleaning. Your DP doesn't do his share. Just get a bloody cleaner. Pay for it yourself if you have to - I know it should be shared but you know what the most important thing here is that you assert your independence and move forward.

If DH has a 'man space' then don't get that cleaned and he can leave whatever shit he wants to keep private there. But break this deadlock because it is driving you nuts. And if your husband can't see that this is driving a huge wedge between you then he is a fool.

Sorry. Said with love. But enough.

[Writerwannabe83]

DH is not abusive - he just hates housework

jackie - he took his first steps last week but thankfully hasn't tried again since

[JanineStHubbins]

Actually, having seen the OP's previous threads about her DH, I think Solid is spot on.

[Nolim]

Solid: i think you are drawing conclusions without enough information. Bring lazy/abscent minded/messy/whatever does not equal being abusive or misogynist.

[sykadelic]

I'd tell him as "we" means "me" that it's not fair for him to make this unilateral decision for me to either live in squalor or be forced to clean up after everyone ALL the time, because he certainly doesn't do much to help.

Or, you could wait until he's gone and call him and say "I've got a cleaner coming tomorrow. I'll be here while they are, any room in particular you want them to avoid or anything you want me to put away?

[SolidGoldBrass]

I think you have a bigger problem than housework, OP. I think your H is abusive and someone who doesn't like women, and the issue of housework is where it shows most clearly.
It's not about him 'not seeing' dirt. It's about his conviction that you must do the domestic work, because you have a vagina, and you need to learn your place.
Your username suggests that you like to spend some of your time writing - I wonder if your H objects to this on the grounds that, being a person with a vagina, you shouldn't have any interests (outside paid work which the family budget needs) other than domestic work and childcare. Is he supportive of your writing or does he belittle or even sabotage it?

[Jackiebrambles]

I was thinking too, your little one presumably isn't walking yet, so when he does there is a whole new world of mess he'll create if he's anything like mine!

So it's only going to get worse....