Fed up of being treated like everything is my responsibility/fault by MIL

[Ownerofalittlechimp]

Sorry it's a MIL one, just need to get it off my chest really.

I know this is minor & many people have it much worse but I'm so fed up of being referred to as "mummy" by MIL, I know it's normal when talking to ds but this is how she addresses me all the time (when asking me for something, responding to something I've said, when it is just is & no dc not around) she never uses my actual name. The last time she used my name was pre dc & when I was pg she referred to me as "the brood mare" (seriously).

Also whenever she is here (couple times a week) & something needs doing, dc need something it's "mummy will do it/get it", dh will sit doing nothing/talking to MIL. Obviously I look after DC needs etc it's the assumption that it is my responsibility because I am "mummy". If we have run out of something or are running low on stuff I get "mummy needs to get more , mummy needs to make sure there is always some of xxx in the house". She seems to think because dh works (as do I, she knows this) that everything falls to me.

She is nice & means well but she is driving me batty at the moment!

[diddlediddledumpling]

this would annoy me a lot, but i cant help thinking she's behaving the way someone else behaved when your mil became a mother herself. im picturing her as a new mother, thinking it was her responsibility to keep on top of everything, to make sure everyone was looked after, and the house was always stocked with xyz.
i find that quite sad and I'm glad things have changed. but she might find it hard to let go of an idea that she's held so strongly for 30 years, or whatever.
you can just say, dh can do that. and he has to step up when she visits, and not behave like its 1973.

[clam]

What's your dh's take on all this? By the sounds of it, you need to get him on side with it all and prod him into action for future occasions, so that if she says "Oh, Mummy will get that for you," he will jump up and do it. I mean, you could say "how about Daddy doing it," but it would be more effective if he pre-empted you.

[SoMuchForSubtlety]

I'm trying to think of a scenario where depersonalising you and putting you down could be an innocent thing (eg she loves her GC, she sees things though those eyes hence you are mummy etc) but it really does seem more likely that it's insidious behaviour designed to relegate you to a less important role, as part of some kind of weird turf war. Does she have empty nest issues?

[Discopanda]

Your MIL sounds like my OH's grandmother, I think it's a generation thing. Your DH should be stepping up and helping you, he's probably just enjoying the fact that his mother lets him get away with being lazy