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AIBU?

How on earth do I handle this woman?!

51 replies

GreyjoysAnatomy · 17/01/2015 18:57

Background-

I have two best friends, one of them (A) has a friend (B) who she recently introduced me to. Seemed nice, been out for coffee together a few times, all fine. B added me on Facebook a few weeks ago, no problem there.

A few nights ago B messaged me asking who my other best friend (C) was from my wedding photos. I said "oh that's C" thinking nothing of it. (C has a very distinctive haircut and people often ask about it so it didn't seem strange that she would)

Since then she has been repeatedly messaging me asking if he's single, sending me lingerie photos of herself (bleurgh) to show him etc. I have politely told her he's not interested and she seemed to get the message and stopped.

But she's messaged him!! He is really creeped out by this weird stalker lady (as am I, I barely know this woman and she's sending me semi naked photos ) and has blocked her, naturally.

What on earth do I do about her? I can't just not see her, she's going to be at an event next week that I'm attending and I don't want it to be awkward for A.

Aibu to think she needs telling to back the fuck off?!

OP posts:

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GreyjoysAnatomy · 25/01/2015 21:37

UPDATE

The event was last night, she did mention it and I just told her I wasn't comfortable with her sending me photos and I'd prefer not to discuss my friend at all. She seemed a bit put out for a couple of minutes but didn't mention it again and soon was back to chatty.

I'm relieved it's done with now, no awkwardness, and I don't have to socialise with her often so that is fine. I am concerned about her home life though, and after a chat with A, A is going to keep an eye on her as we both agreed it was an odd thing to do and she may need a friend. Hopefully it's nothing bad going on in her life!

Thanks for all the advice

OP posts:

Wannabestepfordwife · 18/01/2015 11:13

If she mentions it I would probably point out the dangers of sending underwear pics to people you don't know.

Someone less scrupulous than C could have passed the photos round his friends or put it up on one of those "slut shaming" pages on Facebook.

She seems to be lacking in social awareness so she maybe oblivious to possible consequences of her actions

DeliciousMonster · 18/01/2015 09:11

What do I say though, if she does mention it?

'Your behaviour was completely inappropriate and I am only here for A, what on earth makes you think sending me pictures of you in your underwear to send to my friend is in any way a 'thing'?. Because it isn't. It is far from a thing. Any more of your stalkery behaviour and my friend has been advised to go to the police.'

AmantesSuntAmentes · 18/01/2015 01:25

It is weird behaviour, no wonder you felt uncomfortable Grey.

She might have problems. Fine but that's not really good reason for others having to endure inappropriate behaviour. All stalkers have ishoos! Doesn't mean we have to engage with (poor!) them and in nearly all cases, probably shouldn't.

AmantesSuntAmentes · 18/01/2015 01:24

It is weird behaviour, no wonder you felt uncomfortable Grey.

She might have problems. Fine but that's not really good reason for others having to endure inappropriate behaviour. All stalkers have ishoos! Doesn't mean we have to engage with (poor!) them and in nearly all cases, probably shouldn't.

SavoyCabbage · 18/01/2015 00:56

If you aren't friends with someone on Facebook then your messages go into their 'other' folder so people don't necessarily see them.

Must be one hell of a haircut!

QuintlessShadows · 18/01/2015 00:46

Maybe she was hoping YOU would be tempted by the pics, too, op?

MagicMojito · 18/01/2015 00:37

Emenado Its not just you ...

Eminado · 17/01/2015 21:44

Tinks i admire your compassion but I am struggling to think or see why it would be justifiable to send the OP sexy pics and ask her to forward them on.

I stand by my weird comment.

If she liked the guy she could just message him directly - as said above people do approach each other and say they think they are attractive etc.

I really do think it is weird to involve a 3 rd party you don't even know that well.... Maybe it's just me .

SolidGoldBrass · 17/01/2015 21:37

I appreciate it's a bit awkward but at the same time, unless she bombarded the bloke with messages, it's not that extreme. People do, sometimes, approach other people and say 'I find you attractive'. As long as they don't persist when they have been told 'No thanks', it's not terribly unreasonable.

GreyjoysAnatomy · 17/01/2015 21:02

Thanks

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Tinks42 · 17/01/2015 20:54

Just say to her you found it a bit forward and change the subject.

Tinks42 · 17/01/2015 20:52

I say this due to a friend of a friend recently pulling up a picture of a guys knob saying that she was in control of what was being sent to her and she found it very acceptable. This was actually in front of my friends mother who is 75 (she showed it to her too)... It turns out that her husband is impotent and has been for years.

GreyjoysAnatomy · 17/01/2015 20:50

What do I say though, if she does mention it?

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Tinks42 · 17/01/2015 20:48

On facebook anyone can message you and Im sure he's a big boy who will dismiss this, so I wouldn't really give that any more thought.

I would look at her and think she had major problems and without walking in her shoes maybe you will never know.

Be kind but dont enter into a conversation about the episode.

GreyjoysAnatomy · 17/01/2015 20:47

Norfolk A isn't sure what to think, she hasn't seen this side of her before. She's met her dp and says he seems nice, but that means very little really, my exh seemed lovely to everyone and he was an abusive bastard.

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Tinks42 · 17/01/2015 20:44

Does no one else think its rather sad?

Does no one else think there's something very wrong going on with her?

Rather than dismissing her and saying shes "weird".

Granted, her behaviour is not in the "normal" bracket, but....

GreyjoysAnatomy · 17/01/2015 20:44

I agree with you Tinks, I do think she has problems or else why would she do that? Which is why I posted really, I'm not sure how to deal with it as I don't want her to get upset, and I don't want it to affect my friend either

I've been very gentle with what I've said to her, and she seemed to get th message, but then she messaged C which just made it worse. I didn't want to tell him about it, but I ended up having to as she just messaged him out of the blue. He has no idea who she is!

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Norfolkandchance1234 · 17/01/2015 20:42

It's really weird. What does your friend A think about this?

Tinks42 · 17/01/2015 20:41

Maybe she won't bring it up.. maybe she's mortified by her behaviour. You have to spend 4 hours sitting next to her how horrible for you OP.... If she brings it up, its the ideal time to gently delve surely.

Tinks42 · 17/01/2015 20:39

apologies... that should have read.... Why does she act like this...

GreyjoysAnatomy · 17/01/2015 20:38

No, it's not nasty, just plain weird. I would never be mean to her, I'm just not sure what to say to her if she starts it up again, especially since I have to spend 4 hours sitting with her next week.

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Tinks42 · 17/01/2015 20:38

You said she was with a partner, who knows what goes on behind closed doors. Who why she acts like this. I'd actually want to know "why" she is doing such a thing. It doesn't sound like she has very much self-respect.

GreyjoysAnatomy · 17/01/2015 20:36

I'm not going to be horrible to her, of course not, but I'm certainly uncomfortable with her behaviour and I don't want it to cause any ishoos

OP posts:

Tinks42 · 17/01/2015 20:35

What has she done that was nasty though?

She's sent inappropriate explicit messages to you and your friend on facebook. Hardly a jail worthy offence.

I'm rather sorry for her.

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