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AIBU?

To be offended by dhs comment?

56 replies

Kab13 · 10/01/2015 22:56

Do I need to get a grip? I guess if this was a comment I would make infront of dh I wouldn't be offended.
We are up visiting his family, they are lovely but a bit out there and also a bit drunk.
Dhs cousin is here with his dp, she is also a really lovely girl and I get on with her well.
Dhs aunty was flicking through photos on her sons phone. (Dhs cousin) and dhs cousin said "oh mum don't there's probably sexy photos of dd on there" (jokingly)
Dh responds by saying "what?! If there is why didn't you tell me about this?!"
It hurt. Probably my own insecurity but it just did.
I've quietly removed myself saying I'm checking on dd, but I'm feeling just a tad inadequate.
Dh hasn't had that much to drink at all, is probably showing off etc but I can't work out whether I'm being petty.

OP posts:

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thatsenoughelsa · 11/01/2015 13:40

I don't think that what he said indicates an intention/desire to be unfaithful or even any attraction to his Cousins DP but it is a bit pathetic and not funny in the slightest. Not to mention disrespectful to you and her. I would have told him he was embarrassing himself.

Kab13 · 11/01/2015 11:01

It certainly wasn't a good relationship to start. But this is just evidence that sometimes even when you think you're over something you're not.

OP posts:

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 11/01/2015 10:59

That'll be why you found the remark upsetting. Not the remark itself but because of the history in your relationship

GallicIsCharlie · 11/01/2015 10:57

Dh has given me plenty of reason to feel insecure in the past
He denies even saying it.

This doesn't sound like that good a relationship, sorry.

Kab13 · 11/01/2015 10:51

I think I was just shocked to hear him say it more than anything.
As like I say he doesn't usually entertain that sort of humour & I know he would be hurt if I ever suggested in anyway id like to look at naked photos of someone's dh.
As I say I'm over it now but it certainly was out of character for him

OP posts:

Branleuse · 11/01/2015 10:48

i think its fair to be annoyed, but there is no point making a big deal of it, especially if the whole family enjoys innuendo type banter.

You can either let yourself dwell on it and feel all hurt, or you can try and see it as a shit joke. You could even try and get your own back

Kab13 · 11/01/2015 10:44

Yes, I guess I am. Dh has given me plenty of reason to feel insecure in the past and he knows it.
But that's a whole other thread

OP posts:

maddy68 · 11/01/2015 10:40

I wouldn't have even raised an eyebrow. Just a silly comment. You do sound very insecure

Kab13 · 11/01/2015 10:26

And yes he totally denied saying it.
He's never says things like this in front of anyone.
He obv just feels comfortable saying it in front of this part of his family

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Kab13 · 11/01/2015 10:17

It wasn't his mum, it was his aunty .
For what it's worth his cousin spent the night talking about his gf sitting on his face .
There are no limits with dhs family. & dh knew that. That's why he felt comfortable enough to make the comment.

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RunnerHasbeen · 11/01/2015 10:14

This is your issue, and you are completely overreacting. Of course you won't hear comments like this when it is the two of you, that is probably a sign he watches what he says knowing you are very sensitive to any minor perceived insult.

If he was really excited about seeing pictures do you think this is how he'd have gone about it, really? You were there, his mum was there, it was a joke, don't make a fuss about it FGS.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 11/01/2015 10:04

He denied even saying it?!

StackladysMorphicResonator · 11/01/2015 10:02

You're overreacting, he was probably just trying out a very common style of laddish humour - a good 50% of the blokes I know would've said exactly the same thing as your DH.

Ludways · 11/01/2015 10:01

Unless he grabbed the phone and had a look for them I'd assume it was a funny throw away comment. Wouldn't bother me at all.

Kab13 · 11/01/2015 09:38

I've never heard dh "try and be funny" in this sense in my life.
Maybe if that was just his sense of humour I wouldn't care but it's not.
Anyway I'm okay with it now, he denied even saying it.

OP posts:

Writerwannabe83 · 11/01/2015 09:33

It was clearly a joke. As if your DH would actually say that in front if everyone if he genuinely wants to see naughty picture if his cousin's wife. I think you're overreacting and need to take it in the lighthearted sense it was.

I have a very good friend whose DH makes far more inappropriate comments about other women than the one in your post, but it's just him trying to be funny.

Tyzer85 · 11/01/2015 08:53

I'm pretty sure that your husband was joking.

TooMuchCantBreathe · 11/01/2015 02:14

' It was just a laugh - cousin: oh watch out mum, nekkid photos, DH: what, where? Hahahaha.'

This is spot on for me.

claraschu · 11/01/2015 02:10

He's joking around.If he meant it he would have been feeling guilty and wouldn't have said anything.

Summerisle1 · 11/01/2015 01:02

Maybe he was just trying to diffuse what seemed to him to be an awkward moment?

This. I think you may be massively over-thinking what was actually an attempt to get past a difficult moment.

If he really did want to see risque pictures of his cousin's dp he's hardly likely to admit this to everyone is he?

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 11/01/2015 00:19

It was just an immature joke, I cant imagine he'd actually want to see the photos.

BuggersMuddle · 11/01/2015 00:15

I would take that as trying to make light / move on from a slightly awkward comment tbf. Not great, but not awful unless he has previous for making dodgy comments that's not included in your OP.

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AgentZigzag · 11/01/2015 00:00

' It was just a laugh - cousin: oh watch out mum, nekkid photos, DH: what, where? Hahahaha.'

This.

If he wouldn't normally say shit like this then there's nothing to get upset about. The only problem is if he's a total wanker who enjoys humiliating you in front of other people, but if that's not the case, everything is OK

Everyone says cringy stuff at some point I'm sure he'd be mortified if he thought you'd even given it a second thought.

Allingoodfaith · 10/01/2015 23:48

No id be pissed off too.

In fact my ex said something similar and hurt me too although it was way much vulgar.

MagicMojito · 10/01/2015 23:43

Sorry your feeling bad OP, tbh its not something I'd be particularly upset or bothered by even though I'm insecure and jealous 95% of the time but you need to let him know that it did hurt you and why it hurt you.
For what its worth, I really don't think its the crime of the century, just a silly ill thought comment.

IMO the biggest issue here is that your feeling insecure about yourself :( You need to find away to address this. Let him know he made you feel pants :( hopefully he'll be more considorate in the future x

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