Screechy loud child in swimming pool. Iabu but this is a safe place to rant

[Grapeeatingweirdo]

I have ASD (moderate) and recently left my gym because the loud music, lights and people noise were all a bit too much.

There is a hotel across the road from me with a gym and pool for members and hotel guests. It was amazing going there for the first time today. There were a few other people in the pool and it was really quiet and serene.

Well, it was serene until a father and his very loud child came in and straight away played a very loud game of "tag". Kid was shouting "tag" every thirty seconds or so and generally being a loudmouthed pain in the arse.

You'd think that anyone decent would enter a swimming pool and take note of the general atmosphere and ambience before unleashing said loud kid.

I've taken my nephew swimming before, sometimes in loud public pools and once in the pool of a hotel we were all staying at. I had the social consideration to warn my six year old nephew to try and be quiet as we had walked into a what was quite a quiet pool.

It was horrible after such lovely quiet and I ended up feeling like I had to leave. I said nothing to them so this online rant is my way of getting it out! Places like Spashdown or soft play places are ideal for loudmouthed screechy kids, not very quiet hotel pools where three people are obviously relaxing. The spa prides itself in being calm and serene and there are signs everywhere telling people to be considerate of the comfort of other guests.

And rant over. I expect to be told I am being unreasonable. I have no children. I do like them though, just in small doses with the volume down.

[Grapeeatingweirdo]

Hi all, I definitely didn't mean to offend anyone with children who have additional needs. I realise that some disabilities are invisible but i would have refrained from my post had I the slightest indication that the child had such a disability.

Knottyknitter, that's precisely the reason I felt unable to cope with the pool at the public gym. It'd horrendous.

I'm going to go to the pool again today or tomorrow, if the loud kid is there again then ill look into adult only swimming times :)

[TheChandler]

Knottyknitter These days I go for lane swimming (half the pool all the time, so works against widthers

Oh the widthers. Why do people do that? If you are that nervous, surely the danger of colliding with someone in the middle of the pool makes it worse? I once shared a pool where everyone was doing lengths except one father with his daughter. The dd was a very good swimmer but the father was obviously instructing her to do widths and actually holding her back.

And those swimmers in lanes who over-estimate their speed and set off just before you, only to slow rapidly and get in your way so you end up treading water to avoid colliding with them.

[ProudAS]

As I have previously said children do not generally need to yell and scream in order to enjoy themselves. I realise some children have SN but there is no need for parents to encourage them to be loud.

It's a spa - people are trying to relax. Show some consideration.

[Knottyknitter]

I really hate busy swimming pools, and I swim a lot.

Gym pool has slowly whittled down its adult only sessions and certainly this last couple of weeks has been horrific, with the usually "safe" times clogged up with screamers, screechers,women keeping their make up on and chatting etc.

I get it, it's the holidays and everyone is fed up of being cooped up in a lounge kept hotter than the fires of hell for great auntie Doris (who is asleep in front of white Christmas) so everyone else heads to the park or the pool to pretend they're working off a few mince pies.

These days I go for lane swimming (half the pool all the time, so works against widthers and the makeup and perfume brigade but not the noise) and swimming with my waterproof swimming walkman (Sony, looks like headphones on a band, can't remember the name) which is ace, blocking most of it out, and good for running too as no cables.

My major swimming grump that I've not worked out how to address this hols is people swimming in the middle and fast lanes so slowly they are getting lapped by the postdates pregnant lady and avoiding getting kicked by the subgroup of these who have no spacial awareness in the lanes while doing said overtaking.

Roll on February when it all gets back to normal (and I might be back in the pool -with dp in the cafe with the baby)

[TheChandler]

Do you think it was a case of "father left with child, look at me, syndrome"?

Or possibly the father has never been to a quiet pool for swimming before, and has only experienced those ones you tend to get on holiday with people behaving exactly as you describe?

[Neverknowingly]

It was a hotel pool. There is no suggestion that children were not allowed and just because children are not allowed in some spas does not dictate the behaviour required at THIS pool. With very few exceptions, most hotels with pools use this facility as family marketing.

I appreciate OP has ASD but what I objected to (and yes found "horrible") was the stated opinion that anyone "decent" would not behave this way.

Ok the child probably did not have special needs. But a surprisingly high proportion of children do such that the level of scorn displayed by Tinks is inappropriate. And to those levelling the same scorn at the dad's behaviour, well yes, also unlikely but not to the point of remoteness, that he may have SN too. I wouldn't be able to dx my husband as by the time you are 40 you have developped too many masking techniques but there is definitely something including in terms of social awareness in group situations.

We are members of a private gym. Fortunately it is very child/family friendly with some brief adult only periods. Other than at those times the atmosphere at the pool is what those using it make of it with no first dibs on ambience. I'd say that goes for anywhere sometimes not to my liking, naturally.

[owlonabike]

What fanjo said.

[Viviennemary]

I hate loud noise so I sympathise. Having this child in the pool would have made it impossible for me. there really isn't any need for people to be inconsiderate. He shouldn't even have been in the spa pool. Lots of spas don't allow children.

[DropYourSword]

You'd think that anyone decent would enter a swimming pool and take note of the general atmosphere and ambience before unleashing said loud kid.

I'm not sure I would. Maybe I'm not decent.

I know I'm not. Had a swimming pool related incident last night.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

The fact they were doing that was a very minor social faux pas. But it was made more intolerable to you because of your ASD and noise sensitivity OP.

So you couldn't say anything to them but I think it's fair enough for you to have a wee moan here.

People calling you horrible and intolerant are totally missing the fact you said you have moderate ASD. Not mild but moderate, which is quite disabling and can cause everyday situations to be problematic for you.

[cansu]

Tbh all this children can behave according to the environment only works if they have the ability to understand whether that be because they are old enough or mature enough to understand. My ds has severe Asd and is very noisy and splashy in the pool. It is the only thing he does as a leisure activity. He cannot understand that he should be quieter and in thirteen years no one has yet been able to teach him this, nor have they been able to teach him to talk or do a myriad of other age appropriate things. Some of Tinks comments suggested that people with a 'condition' can be taught all these social conventions and whilst it is true that some can, many cannot and should be able to use local facilities without being made to feel like shit. In this particular situation, I don't really think anyone was being unreasonable. It wasn't an adults only session and so whilst I would probably have been irritated, I think it's down to the hotel to decide whether the pool is simply a bonus for all their customers to enjoy or a spa like private members environment. If I am swimming alone and want to swim, I would go to ladies only or lane swimming at a quiet time tbh.

[ChoochiWoo]

the game tag consists of saying tag quite often, you sound quite intolerant

[lambsie]

I don't encourage my son to be noisy but I will not keep him away from places because he might be. Anyone expecting that is being discriminatory.

[loveblackcats]

YANBU

[GlitterBelle]

I think the difference here is that this pool is one for being quiet. If I had a child I knew was going to make a lot of noise - for whatever reason, I wouldn't go there, I'd go to a normal pool.

Just as I wouldn't go on a Saturday afternoon and tell all the children to be quiet as their screaming is making me feel shit due to my disability.

[GlitterBelle]

Sometimes disabilities clash. Mine means I find noise incredibly difficult, causes pain and a feeling of being overwhelmed. So I wouldn't go to a child's session, or even swimming at the weekend to try and avoid this.

So YANBU, I'd be frustrated to use a specifically quiet pool (not just any old pool, but one that asks everyone to be quiet and respectful) to find someone being excessively noisy. I'd have to leave, but not say anything to them.

[PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange]

I'm a member of a private gym, no kids allowed.

Still don't stop people gassing in the pool.

[Shattered2014]

YANBU at all. A hotel spa pool is not the same as a fun pool and it is just a pity that some people lack the common sense to realise this and behave accordingly.

[Tinks42]

Exactly, so was the bloke that brought the kid in to the pool, but hey, it was acceptable due to him not being an arse and the kid had massive problems... really?

[Samcro]

some people are just dicks

[Tinks42]

Fuck sake ... everyone has a damn problem that is excusable in society.. really?

[Tinks42]

at pag... sweet dreams.