To ask my DD to split money from Grannie with DS

[JaceLancs]

My ex MIL sent card and cheque to DD, but nothing has arrived for DS
It could have been lost in post, however she also has some dementia and frequently presents get mislaid/forgotten/sent on wrong dates etc
I am not in touch with her personally, and would not want to hurt her feelings anyway
DS could ask exh to intervene but doesn't like to, and has said he will settle for nothing.
I think this is unfair and they should share it
If another cheque or present arrives at some point then they could split that, depending on what it is

[JaceLancs]

It was £30
I will suggest they split it if another card doesn't arrive within next week or so - am sure DD will not object
If it was my family I would contact and explain situation tactfully
In past my sister sent cheque for a birthday which was not received and we just assumed she'd forgotten or decided not to gift so didn't mention - until she rang a few weeks later asking why if had not been cashed
My brother forgot to post me a card as well, then found it in his car weeks later when cleaning it
Re the dementia - it does fluctuate, when more with it she would be very upset to think she had forgotten DS and I would not wish to cause her distress
I would expect my exh to deal with it tactfully when he next sees her if and when he judged it appropriate

[Storytown]

Of course the DGC should accept the money, presumably the amount and gift are in line with what she usually likes to give, it's not like she's suddenly sent £100s to one child.

Personally, I would ask ex what he thinks we should do. Maybe he could speak to his mother, check her cheque book, point out the error and get it resolved that way. That's what my DPs would have done for both my sets of GPs. All the GPs, once they started with dementia would have wanted to continue to send gifts but were aware they needed help sometimes to get everything sent to the right places at the right times. Obviously it depends on the stage of her dementia but I don't think it's unreasonable for ex to talk to her about it. Also to check if the cheque has been lost in the post, in which case someone needs to make sure it's stopped at he bank.

If that wasn't possible, I'd either match it myself, ask Ex to do it or do it between us, depending on how much £30 is to each of us.

[emeline]

If I had dementia, and I'd sent £ to one of my grandchildren, and then blanked the other one...I'd want somebody to tell me. Just smile and fgs, tell me so I can sort it out.

[Thisishowyoudisappear]

Your children sound lovely. I think sharing is the way to go. Maybe you could then take them somewhere/do something as a treat to thank them for being so kind to each other, rather than you making up the money yourself, since they already know that only one cheque was sent.

[LokiBear]

My great grandma always sent me money and never anything for my brothers. No other reason than I was her favourite I think. I hated it. She'd done the same with my dad and his brother when they were little, except my uncle was the 'favourite' so my dad got nothing. Completely different situation to yours, but I was always happy to share the money because I felt awful that I got something and my brothers didn't. I bet your dd will feel the same. Sharing seems the right thing to do.