To feel sad that after everything that's happened I am just a shit parent

[CountryMummy1]

I lost it with my almost 3yo today. I mean really lost it. Screamed at her at the top of my voice whilst driving. She didn't even cry she was so shocked, she just whimpered and looked so so sad.

I reached breaking point today. After a particularly awful nursery drop off where my DD howled and screamed and clung to me, begging me not to leave her, it was not a good start to the day.

Then my 10 month old was whingy all morning with his teeth, the house is a tip, I have so much to do before Christmas and everything has just got on top of me.

I don't exist anymore. I am just mummy. I am not the high flying academic anymore. I spend my day cleaning and tidying and mopping up sick. I have no life of my own, everything revolves around the children and I get no thanks for it at all.

All those years we tried to have children but couldn't and the tears we shed over all our lost babies. Why aren't I happy? I have everything I wanted. However, in return I also got to be fat, unhealthy, have no interests or time away from the children, I drink too much.

I have done everything all the baby books and parenting sites said to make your child happy and confident and it's got me nowhere. All the groups and classes I've taken them to and I now have a DD with speech delay who's behind her peers and is looking to never settle at nursery. Where did I go so wrong?

[Delphinegreen]

I've been there it feels like shit.

The reason why you aren't a shit mum is you are reflecting on your day and looking to make it better.

Take a break, take steps to get a bit of you back. The gym is my saviour (only an hr a week) but it tips the balance.

Tomorrow is another day.

[Frustrated123]

You have my utmost sympathy OP. It is so tough when you are a full time Sahm, totally relentless. Mine are now 4 and 7 and I have to say I have never been happier since the youngest started school in September. I am loving having time for some headspace if nothing else! I have at times gone to bed feeling so miserable at how I have lost it and been mean to my kids, but we are all human and it is exhausting when they are preschoolers. Hang in there, sounds like you are a fab mum( if you weren't, you wouldn't care about losing the plot with them!) x

[misskangaandroo2014]

You know a lot about what can go wrong, but you KNOW these don't happen from the occaisional bad day. Speech delay does not reflect on your parenting. Having a bad day does not reflect on your parenting.
Time for you is valuable for a break, for perspective and to regroup. If you have routine time for yourself the guilt will go. Read (NOT parenting books) or swim, cinema whatever helps you think about things you want for your life.
Also. When deeply stressed in the car I turned up the radio. A lot. My DD's kind of know it's a stress releif for me now

[Moonraker37]

I could have written your post, op. I'm a sahm to a 7 month old and a 21 month old. I had a crap day today, relentless feeding, nappy changes, whinging, getting under my feat, head butted, scratched! Aargh and most days feel like ground hog day. I've gone to bed early in the spare room, need a break from everyone, including dh. I almost (do) resent him working full time. I always feel guilty for not being able to just hug my babies as much as I'd like. I adore them but this is the toughest job I've ever had. You are not alone.

[MummyBeerest]

I read this and thought I wrote it myself!

I feel this way all the time. Guilt, stress, anxiety-all in a day's work for me.

But DD still seems to love me the next morning, no matter how badly I think I fucked up.

Have a good sleep and start fresh tomorrow

[RandomMess]

Things you can do that will help:

Get some help to deal with your anxiety
Accept that the dreams of parenting are far from the reality of parenting
Accept that being a parent is about being a "good enough parent"
Start being kind to yourself and look at what you are achieving and do well

Sounds like a bad day to me but also that your standards are set at perfection.

[AskMeAnother]

Forgive yourself. Your children will forgive you.

[CPtart]

I've done my fair share of screaming too when DC were younger. Going back to work pt when they were 4 and 5 months was the single biggest factor in making me feel better, instantly. Some semblance of normality and control returned.
I felt guilty for a while. It subsided.
Yes they do grow up and it does get easier, but to me those pre-school years were long and hard enough without counting them pass.
I hope things improve for you, I'm sure you're a great mum.

[Purplepoodle]

probably there isn't a single parent alive who hasn't had a moment, it's life. Iv got a clinger and screamer too in nursery, for us the best method is a quick hug and kiss and handed over to nursery staff while I make a sharp exit - much less stressful all round as let dc settle quickly. I found I was fussing too much and making dc even more anxious so this works the best for us. Just remember its not personal, some kids don't like change.

As for younger dc I usable don't feel semi human until they are about 15months as they are a little more independent, can show you what they want ect

[CitizenOfTheWorld]

You are not at fault, you are just stressed. Find something nice you can do for your self each day. Go for a cup of tea out the house, text a friend, go for a walk, watch something funny on telly, eat your favourite frozen pizza, light a scented candle... Small treats to lift your mood and think about you, not the mummy in you.

[RabbitIssue]

My 4 year old had reflux, didn't sleep, threw up all the time and was a pain in the ass . My 10 year old is being tested for aspergers. I work long hours and am knackered. The last couple of days I have been at home with them for the holidays and I felt a new sensation, happiness I have really enjoyed their company, am absolutely bursting with love and pride with them. I know we'll have ups and downs but I finally feel we're getting somewhere. Like a fog is lifting

I'm trying to say it is SO hard but we've all been there. 3 is a very difficult age. Be kind to yourself. I use the mn mantra 'this too shall pass' and it always does xx

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

Thing is, you are their parent for life, not just while they are little. Me, I had a ball with my preschoolers, but I am a rubbish mother to my teens; all I do is shout at them. My Mum wasn't great when I was a kid, but we have a fantastic relationship now I'm an adult. Parenting is a marathon not a sprint.

I have read that being anxious leaving about your kids can be a sign of PND. Do you think you need to be checked out OP?

[littlejohnnydory]

You don't sound like a shit mum at all to me. I could have written your post too and this thread is reassuring me too.

Do you actually want your three year old to go to nursery or are you just sending her because it's expected? If you don't feel she's ready and it's just stressing you both out, why not leave it? A year made all the difference to one of mine in terms of readiness to be away from me and I think they start school far too young in this country. But if you really want her to go and feel she will benefit then you have nothing to feel guilty about. You know your child and whether she will benefit from more time at home or whether she is ready for that push to socialise.

[Topseyt]

You are a normal parent. You are not shit at all.

The pre-school years are very hard. All of us lost it at some point or another. It is just being human. Guilt and frustration come free with motherhood. Your outburst will not have harmed your daughter. She won't be mentally scarred for life. Harsh as it may seem, as a one-off incident it probably in some way registered with her that Mummy has feelings which can be hurt too,

[WoodliceCollection]

Honestly OP, I count a week when I haven't shouted at anyone in the car (usually for doing/poking/fiddling with something/throwing items at driver/etc that might cause us all to crash and die, so tbh I don't think of it as very unjustified) as a good parenting one. By my count you've had 150 good weeks and one bad one- on average, that's looking to me like you're a fucking awesome parent.