To be angry with DH waking me up

[catgirl1976]

DH stays up a lot later than me.

I go to bed about 11pm (and would prefer to go earlier but he gets grumpy saying he 'wants to spend time with me' so I stay up later)

He goes to bed about 2am - 3am. He's a gamer.

This is fair enough, except he is always moaning he is tired in the mornings which annoys me, because to me if you are tired you go to bed earlier.

The thing that really annoys me, is when he does come to bed he makes NO attempt whatsoever to not wake me up.

His PC is in the loft extension directly above our bedroom. He thunders down the stairs (pissed generally).

He flings the bedroom door wide open, and as we have the landing light on for DS, light streams into the bedroom which wakes me up. He never shuts it either, so I have to tell him to (hissed in fury normally, which then makes him arsey in return)

He flings his clothes off and flops in to bed. He is then asleep before his head hits the pillow

AND he then proceeds to snore and make noises like a dying walrus for the rest of the night (not helped by the drinking)

He knows I am an incredibly light sleeper and I cannot get back to sleep once he has woken me up becuase of his snoring. Last night I was nudging him every 5 minutes to shutthefuckup (nudging may have got progressively harder as the night / morning wore on)

I'll be turning the spare room (currently a box room) into a spare bedroom soon as his DM is coming for Christmas. Once I've got a bed in there, I am thinking either that will become my room and we will have separate bedrooms OR I will say, if it's later than midnight he sleeps in there

AIBU?

[catgirl1976]

I'd love that Imperial

I actually sent him a very long e-mail yesterday (knowing how much he's on his PC it seemed a good way of communicating with him) letting him know how I felt and how his behaviour was affecting me.

He crept into bed last night and apologised this morning.

We'll see how it goes.

[Mumoftwoyoungkids]

Ummm - just a thought but why not just tell him that he's waking you up by thundering down the stairs and leaving the door open?

The snoring he can't help but if he stops doing the first two then you will be asleep so may not hear the snoring.

[ImperialBlether]

Dreaming, it can be arranged!

[dreamingbohemian]

Yes, every time I see a thread called I'm Finally Leaving, I have a little hope it's you, catgirl -- I'm glad things are improving but as your OP shows, he is clearly still monumentally selfish and I continue to be appalled on your behalf.

I would pay money to see Imperial come by and educate him a bit (sorry!)

If he does go off and game when you get home, he is really ridiculous to tell you not to go bed early so you can hang out together. Especially if he's going to stay up all night anyway.

[ElkTheory]

Of course he shouldn't wake you up. My DH nearly always goes to bed later than me but he literally creeps into the bedroom and does his best not to wake me. Sometimes I wake up anyway but it's not his fault.

Separate bedrooms sounds like the best option for you two, if your husband is too selfish to understand that he is waking you up on a regular basis. If I remember correctly from previous threads, you work full time as well. You need your sleep!

[YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually]

He is just so selfish it astounds me that you still put up with it.

Every time I see your name I hope it's a thread where you have finally seen the light but it isn't. I think sadly this may go the way of other long term posters who post about the same situation again and again and then get hacked off that their previous history is brought up on every thread.

I'll say it again, you and your DS deserve so much better.

[YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually]

Catgirl, you are lovely so I don't mean this to be nasty, but it's very very sad that you think his behaviour is better when it's still so so far from how a husband and father should be.

I know it's not the done thing to refer to previous reads but it's obvious from other replies and remembering some of your other threads, I wonder why you are still accepting this behaviour from him. You deserve so much better.

[ImperialBlether]

I don't know how you've put up with him, though. I didn't realise you and your little boy had to go on the bus - was that while he was asleep?

After one of your threads I was so angry on your behalf I couldn't sleep! I wanted to PM you to ask for your address so that I could drive over and whack him one!

[catgirl1976]

It's later on weekends Imperial but it still impacts in that he's shattered and moaning about it

He honestly is a lot better and putting the effort in. Not perfect, but a big improvement from where things were.

Saturday is his lie in and Sunday is mine, but he's not much use to anyone till late afternoon on the Saturday and although we both have to get up in the week, it's me getting up with DS every day and getting him fed and dressed whilst DH gets up 45 minutes later and just sorts himself out. Likewise he vanishes upstairs to play games when we get in from work / college and appears only to eat dinner and read DS his bedtime story, then watch a film with me or something.

So there are still changes that need to be made.

But the fact he's working, studying and doing housework (eg in the day he is at home with Ds he will tidy up, hoover, wash up etc) makes me think he is trying and we can get there. He now drives me and DS to nursery and work instead of us struggling on the bus and other things, that whilst he always should have been doing them as a matter of course, at least they are happening now.

[ImperialBlether]

I remember a few of your other threads, OP.

Is he really up until 3 am and then going to work and college for 9 am? If so, how does this impact you on those days?

[VanitasVanitatum]

My dp comes to bed about 1am and generally wakes me, but won't consider separate rooms. I have tried a logical conversation but he takes it so personally.. I am doomed to broken sleep!

[Marylou62]

I have been married for 24 years and slept alone for most of it...like you I love going to bed earlier than DH...and would not stay up just because he wanted me to!...I read...he likes TV so sleeps downstairs...our 'lodger' (long story!) has just moved out, all the kids gone so he will now have his own room...and there is nothing wrong with our marriage...

[whois]

Bed in the gaming room sounds good.

My DP comes to bed later but he tries his hardest not to wake me.

[Silvercatowner]

Another advocate for separate bedrooms here.

[Purplepoodle]

Futon bed in the loft. If it's all made up (and he is worse for ware) surely he will just fall onto that and sleep

[Jbck]

Separate rooms is the reason DH has not been murdered!

[EustaciaBenson]

We have seperate bedrooms, I sleep lightly, have health problems and my dh is a restless sleeper. He kicks constantly and has given me concussion but flining his arms around! He was a bit reluctant to do the seperate beds at first, because he thought it meant there was something wrong with the marriage, but honestly if id had to carry on sleeping in the same bed as him we'd be divorced by now!

[OraProNobis]

Mine's not a gamer but a pissed late night telly watcher - and has been forever. I've had my own bedroom for ages and it's the only reason I haven't murdered him! There's always a but though - and mine is that my lovely bedroom is opposite the bathroom - his last port of call as he winds and stumbles his way to bed at 2am - where he proceeds to piss like a fucking horse with the light on and the door open . Yes, I could shut my door but it's a long complicated story about dogs!

[ChippingInAutumnLover]

Mattress in the loft.

Though frankly, I still think DH in another house is your best bet :(. He may be better, but he's still a selfish, inconsiderate, heavy drinking, plank. (Sorry). You put up with far too much x

[OddBoots]

He has no right to be grumpy about you going to bed earlier than 11 if you want - you are tired because he is disturbing your sleep.

[mawinter]

Oh, how I can relate. :/ hugs

[DamselNotInHerDress]

Put a bed in the teenagers room gaming room. And a mini fridge for his beers.
He gets grumpy with you going to bed when you want?
He sounds like a real keeper there OP.
Or basically, yanbu, he sounds like a child.

[SaucyJack]

I think we're living with the same bloke.

I find my inner peace by blasting out Heart FM first thing on a Saturday morning.

[catgirl1976]

Mind you, the box room would be further away from his thundering feet when he descends from the attic.......

[catgirl1976]

He's managing it, but he's always moaning about how tired he is . No shit DH!

It's not every night - maybe 2 or 3 a week, but it's still a PITA. I need sleep!

I'll give him the box room. Promise ;)