To be angry with parents who say their child will attend a paid birthday party and don't come

[Whatalife58]

I organised a birthday party for my daughter. It was held at a venue where I had to pr-book and pay £11 per child. There was a minimum number stipulated . I have been busy at work and didn't have enough time. I was anxious to have the stipulated number of children come as I had to pay for that number of children anyway. I had signed a contract.

I was so angry when 4 of the childrens' parents who had said their child was coming failed to show up. One parent rang to say her child was ill. I can cope with that. But was really upset with the others and felt (apart from the paying £44 for children who didn't attend) that it was disrespectful and rude.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

And just because the kids are friends doesn't mean people are going to start being best buddies with other parents

Of course you won't but how about just not being rude to them and costing them money.

[Edin55]

I undestand your objection but sme people might have their family arrangements fall out of whack: scheduling errors etc. Also a child mght misbehave on the day and the parent might feel keeping them from a party is appropriate.

[Bunbaker]

A lot of schools won't do class lists with emails.

[rookiemater]

I'm thinking that maybe one of the reasons we don't have this problem is because each year we have a class list with parents emails. Party organiser parent will usually send an email prior to the invites going round which means that even if they get lost everyone knows about it.

[Bunbaker]

I have read so many heartbreaking threads on her from parents of children who have hosted parties where no-one or very few children turn up. I am so disappointed that such a large number of parents CBA to either respond to invitations or just don't bother turning up.

I am so glad that primary school parties are a thing of the past. I was lucky that when DD was at primary school I did manage to see most of the parents and get confirmation about who was coming to parties. I also discovered that party invitations get left in school bags and forgotten about.

[mum9876]

YANBU. It's one of the reasons that now we invite just 6 or 7 closer friends of whom I know the parents are reliable types. It makes life much less stressful.

We always try to go if we've RSVP'd that we will. We tend to share lifts with a couple of others so it's not a big effort really.

I think if you don't make the effort, your dc gets left out of future party invites.

[Sothisishowitfeels]

We are doing our first party this weekend and I am already thinking never again!.

We invited 16 only 4 have replied (text) and the one I managed to track down in the playground said "oh ds is coming I just forgot to text"! so now I am panicking that I have planned on only those 5 coming that more may turn up.

I just dont know how much food to get - or party bags to do. I know its not a huge issue in the grand scheme of things but I am panicking that either no one will bother coming and ds will be devastated or more people than I have planned for will come...

[IsItMeOr]

YANBU, that is very frustrating.

However, we had to send apologies from DS on the day for two parties last month, after the parties had started.

5yo DS has ASD - which had just been diagnosed - and he went into meltdown at the point it was time to set off.

As he can hurt us and other kids when stressed, we took the view that the best option was to not try to force him to go, as the last thing we would want to do would be to spoil anybody else's fun at the party.

We sent a simple apology message (without going into any detail about why) and handed over the present at school the following week.

It was difficult to know how much or little to say to the host parents, as we don't really want everybody to know DS's personal medical information, but it does complicate life and sometimes impact on others.

They were both whole class parties, shared between two birthday children.

[Wolfbasher]

Frank - then you need to say to people - DC would love to come to the party, but things are a bit chaotic and it's fairly likely we might cancel at the last minute. Is that okay, or would you rather have a definite 'no' now?

For most venue parties, they want final numbers a week before the party. I am fine with people not RSVPing until then, but would be put out at them changing their mind after that.

[frankbough]

Bunbaker, yes we really do stuff together on nearly every weekend, that particular weekend the wife accepted an agency shift for the Sat which was supposed to be 10 hrs but turned into a 16hr marathon..

I took both under 4's to a photo shoot on the Fri aft and a bonfire on the Sat evening on my own..
Then on the Sun we cancelled our attendance at the party because we just wanted to unwind.. The week before we rearranged our workload so one of our daughters could go to another party on the Fri, this party was then cancelled on the day, we lost £250 that day.. It's life..

[Wolfbasher]

No, frank, people (should) reply with the deliberate intention of attending. Or decline if they are unsure/don't want to/can't. Once you've agreed, then it's a commitment.

It can't be impossible. At our parties (small school group) everyone always turns up if they've said they will (other than sudden illness).

Your best buddies comment sounds rather sneery, and irrelevant. I don't need to be best buddies with clients/work colleagues either, but if I accept a meeting, I attend. Same with appointments, kids parties, etc. It's just basic organisation and manners.

[frankbough]

I really don't think people reply with the deliberate intention of not attending, ten people will have ten lives going on and some of them will inevitably not show, such is life and it's not something we would loose sleep over when it's happened to us..
And just because the kids are friends doesn't mean people are going to start being best buddies with other parents...

[OwlinaTree]

It must be very annoying when this happens. My ds is only 8 months so I've all this to come!

Do consider how the children are invited, if its a case of no RSVP. Not every parent has good literacy skills, some children never take the invitation home, or empty their book bag! The RSVP part of the invitation could go AWOL if they are being exchanged at school.

It's a nightmare for teachers, must be even worse for the party organisers!!

[Wolfbasher]

Frankbough sounds rather rude and entitled. If you don't want your DC to go to a party, then just RSVP to say thank you for the invitation, but DC can't come. No need to rant on about how inconsiderate it is for someone to invite your child and how the party is below your standards. And absolutely no need for not turning up on the day.

The only reason to not turn up after accepting an invitation is illness or an emergency. And then you send in the present that you already bought and wrapped on Monday.

[Bunbaker]

frankbough. Do you really all do stuff together as a family every single weekend? Aren't your children allowed to build up a social life of their own?

I hope you turn down invitations rather than say yes and don't turn up.

[dottytablecloth]

I've had to cancel going to a paid birthday before due to ds being ill.

I still went round to the child's house with a present though.

YANBU

[irishe]

My dc birthday party is tomorrow. As she will only be 3, we have only invited children whose parents we are friends with. A couple replied by text immediately saying they had prior commitments, no problem. If any of them did not show on the day (without a good reason) I would think them very rude. We are having party in house, so it's not a per head cost, but we have bought in quite a bit of food for the adults as well. Due to age of kids, most adults will stay I would guess.

It must be difficult when children get to school age and start making their own friends, as you may have no idea, who you are dealing with.

I am with pp, if I had no shows, with no reason/apology, there would be no future invites.

[Purpleroxy]

It is rude but par for the course at parties.

I also had twins not turn up for a party which was gutting as that was 2 places unused and non refundable. Those same parents did the same again at someone else's party having said they'd come so I didn't invite them again. Sad for the kids but it is not OK to keep burning other people's money. I can cope with a text and apology for any reason but just not showing up or apologising afterwards is irritating. Even "oh bugger I totally forgot and I am sorry" is ok. Saying nothing isn't.

So in future op, book for 2 less kids than you are expecting on the proviso you check with the venue if 2 extras turn up they can be accommodated and paid for on the day.

[cakedcrusader]

Yanbu! I've recently had the same thing happen and ended up paying £12 each for 5 children who didn't turn up

My situation is very similar to cakemakeseverythingbetter's in that we had to pay up when we arrived. These 5 had all rsvp'd saying yes and had my number so the parents could easily have text when they realised they couldn't be arsed make it. I have in the past had to call on the morning of the party to say we couldn't go as ds had come down with d&v so I do understand that these things happen but at least in that case no one was out of pocket. It is very rude and thoughtless imo!

[rookiemater]

YANBU. We're lucky in that it happens very rarely with DS's parties. If someone calls in sick then we can ask our next door neighbours boy - who is older so doesn't automatically get an invite, they work the same policy with us so it's not a problem .

[BarbarianMum]

Actually this is quite common when children have shared care. We've been lucky with very few no shows over the years but when it's happened it's always been down to mis-communication bw separated parents (either invite went to one home usually dad's and lost, or the parent that has accepted isn't the one whose got the children that weekend).

It's rude but also life. We invite 12 kids and plan on getting 10 on the day. This works well (I did once have to pay extra for an 11th).

[Suddengeekgirl]

It is incredibly rude!

Ds had 5 children whose parents had RSVP-ed and said they were coming just not turn up.
One forgot and apologised profusely
Another might have been down to English not being their first language.
The other 3 were hungover. Which I found out through Facebook. Then one of them concocted a story about car troubles when I next saw them to excuse it all. She had no idea I knew she was still pissed hungover.

It was a soft play party so their non-attendance cost £60!

I will not be inviting them to any other parties and am slightly cool with them in the playground now.

[Sickofthesnow]

I'm having my youngests party tomorrow and out of 20 school kids (whole class) have had rsvp from TWO. One child I know is coming on top of this as she told DD what the present was she had picked for her for tomorrow lol
Then DD claimed 2 children weren't coming because they told her - given she is just coming up for 5, you'd think parents would inform me instead of relying on a young child to remember to tell me?


I find it really rude to ignore the rsvp though, how harmful is it to just let the party parent know that your child can or can't come

[Foxbiscuitselection]

Had they said they could attend the party?

[AimlesslyPurposeful]

You nearly always have this happen when you arrange a party.

You either have guests not turn up or others turn up with siblings who expect to join in.