Feeling rubbish at failing driving test (again!) at 40

[WaitingForMyRealLife]

Just failed my driving test again after many many many hours of lessons. Feel rubbish. DH thinks I'm being over dramatic but am truly feeling like a huge failure - 40 and not able to drive, how useless is that?

[ithoughtofitfirst]

You'll get there!

Driving tests are a mysterious bastard. I think they're just luck on the day.

Fwiw I wore a really short skirt for mine and passed. Hth.

[WeAllHaveWings]

Still remember the disappointment of failing my test 25 years ago! I passed 3rd time, but tests were much much easier (and cheaper!) back in olden times.

Keep going, you'll get there in the end, I honestly believe for a lot of people its just luck on the day of what instructor you get, weather, route etc etc.

[whatadrain]

I passed on attempt 9! My problem was nerves. Eventually I went to the doctor and he prescribed me a beta blocker just for my driving test! Worked a treat. I know it's awful to fail, but you will get there!

[Nomama]

Climb back on that horse. Just don't tell anyone

I have no happy little story of 7th time being the charm, I too passed forest time. But I booked a week off work and did a week of lessons, sat in the driver's seat for the first time 10 am on Monday morning, passed my test at 2pm on Friday. It was the most knackering week I have ever had. I would fall soundly asleep the second I got home and was in trouble waking up in time for the next morning.

DH called it a Crash Course

Might that be an option? Just go on holiday (or hide at home for the week) and come back fully qualified?

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Six times a charm for me too... each failure to pass my test felt like the end of the world though, so sympathies. Have a little cry and get that test re-booked. You know you're ready otherwise you wouldn't have been put in for it in the first place.

Don't ever give up!

[Summerisle1]

Don't think of yourself as any sort of failure. Passing driving tests is hard!

OK, I was lucky enough to pass first time but ds1 (who was a really competent driver who had driven across the US!) took 4 tests to pass and was 31 when he passed. Everyone assumed he'd just sail through the test but he didn't. Not because he was hopeless or a failure but because it is HARD!

Keep going and tell your DH that a bit more support would help!

[ApprenticeViper]

I failed mine three times when I was 17/18, then gave up trying. I think I decided that I just wasn't meant to drive.

I started lessons again when I was 27, after getting thoroughly fed up of waiting at bus stops in the rain. Failed twice more, then passed on my sixth attempt. I hadn't told anybody I was taking it, and I had a stinker of a cold so I really didn't expect to pass, so I think that took most of the pressure off. I was so surprised when the examiner told me I'd passed. I think I actually said "Are you kidding me?!" lol

Ignore your DH, other than telling him that a bit more support might be nice. Keep at it. You will get there

[Manymoons14]

Really feel for you- I failed my third attempt yesterday with only 7 minors, and one major for 'lack of confidence'. After two horrible tests I thought I had done it, but nope. I've had so many lessons its not even worth talking about, and my instructor says I'm the best driver he's taught who hasn't passed the bloody thing .

Please don't feel 'over dramatic'- failing a driving test is the utter pits, you just feel so crap so allow yourself to feel that, as I really think you had to feel crap before you can feel ok about trying again. Yesterday I came home and howled on the floor (quite hard to do 25 weeks preg!) but I just needed to wallow for a bit. You're also not alone about feeling like a huge failure- there are no prizes for second place in driving tests however blimmin close you get. You are putting yourself through the test and the learning, despite how hard it is- defo not a failure.

[DonkeysDoRideBroomsticks]

I can't tread water and am a poor swimmer, and evacuate a room rather than deal with a spider. Now that's feeble.

Look at it this way, on that particular day you didn't convince an examiner over 45-60 minutes you're ready to have a full licence. But you're gaining more experience every time you go out behind the wheel. Another test, another day, you will pass.

DH probably hopes to reassure you it's not a big deal but you'd got your hopes up you'd be driving this weekend without L plates.

It's disappointing but don't give up.

[LightastheBreeze]

DS really struggled with learning to drive and had over 60 lessons and passed on his 3rd test, so not just older people, he was 17 but has slight dyspraxia. He felt a real failure as all his friends were passing after about 20 lessons but he found it really difficult. He passed in the end though.

I passed when I was about 30, only after loads of lessons and driving our car with DH next to me all the time. Learning to drive is very hard but keep at it if you can afford it

[Theboulderhascaughtupwithme]

I have literally hundred of lessons over more than a decade, eventually passed but IN AN AUTOMATIC!!!!!!! Cannot recommend highly enough. I, touch wood, seem to now be a very good driver, have never had an accident, feel confident etc. However I was very nervous under test conditions and this impaired my ability to drive well. Driving in the auto just gave me one less thing to have to coordinate and it made all the diff.

Good luck and don't give up!!

[chemenger]

Piggy I once failed for both speeding and undue hesitation in the same test. My favourite failure was when reversing round a corner a dog sat down behind the car so I stopped, the examiner didn't see it, didn't believe me, and failed me on the manoeuvres.

[0898]

I'm about to take my third test. And I haven't told anyone, not even DH. I feel so much more confident now I don't feel the weight of everyone else's expectation.

Take a break if you need to, the lessons won't be wasted as it really will come back quickly when you try again.

[chemenger]

I think I am the only person in the world who hates driving automatics, they unnerve me somehow.
If you are nervous when driving I found it useful to focus on relaxing my hands and hold the wheel lightly. Tense hands make steering much harder and having a single focus for relaxing was useful to me.

[PiggyPlumPie]

Passed after 8 tests - been driving 10 years now and I am so glad I stuck with it. It is demoralising - I failed my 7th for speeding

[sunnybobs]

I hated driving lessons and did so many tests, felt like such a failure not to have mastered this "easy skill" everyone else seemed to just get at 17. Then I switched to learning on an automatic, passed my test (still not first time though!) and am now a very good driver. Still only drive automatics and love them. Don't give up but do consider different cars, instructors, styles etc. Its liberating when you finally do pass.

[duchesse]

Hang in there. Ignore your not so DH. Be resilient and get straight back in the saddle.

I have a fair few friends in their mid-40s who don't drive. All Cambridge educated. Didn't have time at the standard age to learn to drive and just learned to do without in adulthood. They don't feel like failures.

The problem with learning later is that you are far more aware of dangers then when you're 17. You just have to trust that most people generally want to stay alive and will act accordingly.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Contrary to Mumsnetters opinionsp, drving is an extremly hard skill which not everybody will get. I failed 4 times and cannot afford to do anymore lessons yet. I have dyspraxia and dyslexia which make it very hard, when I am nervous such as in driving, they get worse. Take a break and try again later. Have you considered hypnotherapy or CBT, I have and probably will try those before learning again.

[Sallystyle]

I passed on my 4th at aged 32.

I think I am a better driver for the extra lessons and tests.

You will get there. I failed on the most stupid things then on my 4th test I was sure I would fail because I had to get a new instructor and use a brand new car. I didn't expect to pass so the pressure was off I guess. I passed with one minor.

It is horrid failing the test, the thought of doing it again is horrible, but when you pass, because you WILL pass, it will be one of the best things you have ever done. For me, it was life changing.

[Squeakyheart]

I took seven attempts over eight years to pass and as previous poster said think I am a better driver for it. It is deflating though, I was gutted after the fifth as really thought I would do it then as did instructor but nerves got me!

I used Bach rescue remedy to settle nerves as figured even if placebo it would help! Wasn't with an instructor at that point so driving home afterwards was scary even though you could see my house from the test centre.

[chemenger]

I passed at my sixth or seventh attempt, learning to drive is hard. I started on my 17th birthday and passed when I was 28 (there were long gaps where I gave up, I didn't have lessons continuously for 11 years). Finding an instructor who suited me and a friend insuring her car so we could just drive around were the things that finally swung it for me. You need practice so that the skill based parts of driving - steering, gears etc become automatic so that you can think about the decision based parts.

[OwlinaTree]

Actually it was 7th not 6th!!

[OwlinaTree]

Keep at it if you can. I passed 6th attempt. My lovely mother sent me a good luck card before each go!

It is so upsetting to fail, I think it made me more anxious each time, but I did change instructors and that helped me get much better.

Good luck, I'm sure you can do it, just take some of us longer than others.

[Blue2014]

My mum passed her test when she was 46 years old. There is still time yet :-)

[blanklook]

You are not useless, you're just not confident enough yet

How much practise are you getting in-between lessons? Have you got your own car or can you practise in the family car? Sometimes half an hour a day or even a couple of times round the block can be the sort of ordinariness you need rather than one or two lessons per week. Is there a friend who would sit in with you?

Think about changing instructors, a different one may just explain or show you a 'how-to' slightly differently and you'll find it much easier than before.

What are you finding most difficult? If it's a question of having to do so many things at the same time, (like going up and down the gearbox every time you alter your speed) do consider learning in an automatic, as long as you'll have one afterwards to drive of course. I'm happily pootling around in a 10 yr old automatic and it's SO easy, you just go, or slow down and stop, no way of stalling the engine, no gears, and more importantly it gives you loads of headspace for actually driving, watching the road, anticipating hazards etc. rather than having to remember which gear you are in and what you need to change it to.

You will pass!