11 year old playing 18 video games at sleepover

[Pupsiecola]

I'm sure this has come up before. DS will play age appropriate games on the Kindle/computer. He's seen 12 films if we've seen them or read about them on imdb. He's seen a couple of 15 films (James Bond). He's never seen an 18 film or played an 18 game.

He's come back from a sleepover and he's played a violent 18 game with his friend and his friend's dad. I'm really bloody cross. How dare another parent make this choice?! Of course DS doesn't really get what the problem is and thinks this dad is so cool. We are not killjoys. But I really think that allowing an 11 year old, let alone someone else's child, to play for at least 2 hours last night and again this morning is unacceptable. I don't know whether to say sth to these parents or just let it go and not let him go there again.

AIBU

[Dancergirl]

YANBU to not want you child to play these games but YABU to expect others to abide by your rules in their own homes

Completely disagree. Completely irresponsible of the sleepover host to let other people's children play 18 games. Yes by all means if they are happy to allow THEIR dc to play those games that's their choice. But what parent wouldn't think to check first if the sleepover guest is allowed to play 18 games? You can't just do what you like with other children just because it's your own home.

[sickntiredtoo]

Have any of these pearl clutchers ever played modern Warfare?
Tom and Jerry has way worse violence.

[Moghedien]

Review of MW4

"this game is rated "Mature" for portraying highly authentic modern military combat with realistic gore. There are distressing situations involving torture, execution, and the gruesome deaths of primary protagonists to whom the player will likely have grown attached. This material is more intense and disturbing than in earlier games of this series, and a diverse selection of cuss words is clearly audible."

What version of Tom and Jerry you watching sickntired? I'd hardly compare the content with a slapstick cartoon.

[browneyedgirl86]

Yanbu. I wouldn't like this either. My friends children and my nieces always want to play our consoles when we come over. Have no problems with that but they want to play Grand Theft Auto, COD etc. They aren't that fussed about the Lego Games. I know some of them are allowed to play at their homes as their mums have told me ad they don't see the harm but I strongly disagree with it.

[JCDenton]

I like first person shooters well enough, so I'm no pearl clutcher but saying Tom and Jerry is worse is wilfully misinterpreting the context and tone, imo.

[Cat2014]

YANBU. I'd be furious. What's wrong with people

[mrspremise]

I saw Nightmare on Elm St at a friend's house when I was 12. After her evil 19 year old brother went outside and started scraping a fork down the windows, I was so scared that I didn't watch another 18 until I was, well, 18!

[WalkingInMemphis]

YABU to expect others to abide by your rules in their own homes

Completely disagree when in relation to something age-restricted. I 100% DO expect anyone else who has care of my child to abide to age restrictions unless they discuss it with me first.

What if the friends dad had cracked out the beers for the kids too. He allows his own 12 year old to drink 4 cans of larger on a Friday for instance, and decides to allow your 12 year old to do the same. Would you still be saying that was OK?

I would speak to the parent op. No need to create WW3 over it (although I would be furious) - but you could have a quiet, private word and just say that ds told you they were playing X which is an 18, and you don't let him play those sorts of games, so you'd appreciate it if he was not given the opportunity to on future visits.

They'll either take it on board or just not invite again - either way though is preferable to doing nothing and risking it happening again another time.

[lemonpuffbiscuit]

We have visitors aged 11/12/13 and i always check allergies, food dislikes/likes, film ratings they are allowed to watch because any screen time needs to be appropriate and we are always happy to accommodate. I'd hate the kids or parents to feel uncomfortable.

I think the father was very selfish. He probably just wanted to play the game himself and gave no thought what so ever to anybody else. Total dick head!! I know people like to paint 11 year olds playing 18c games as the norm, but it not in my community.

Part of the problem for OP was that there was no indication beforehand that the kids were going to play age inappropriate games. Knowledge is power though and you can give your DS strict instructions about running any 18c games past you first by mobile. I'd definitely be giving that other family a very wide birth from now on.

[lemonpuffbiscuit]

So if it's ok for an 11 year old to play an 18 game, is also ok for them to watch an 18 film, smoke some fags and drink a couple of pints of beer?

[Pupsiecola]

I'm really heartened by the replies, and it's very reassuring to know that we're not overreacting.

DS and I have spoken some more about it before bed and he explained how it happened. His friend asked if he wanted to play Modern Warfare and he said yeah, okay. He didn't know it was a) Call of Duty or b) an 18 until they got started. He knew he shouldn't be doing it but didn't know how to back out at that point. I have no reason to doubt that this is what happened. DS and DS2 (9) are still happy with playing the Lego games, Mindcraft etc. and whilst DH is very very tech-focussed we just don't have games like that at home. They're a little naive (compared to many I guess) and not older than their years. As someone said, amongst their previous peers this is not the norm.

So the two of them were playing and then the dad came and joined in. DS said the mum doesn't agree with it. She'd likely be mortified if she knew how much upset it has caused today!

Will mull it over. Don't want to send her a text or suchlike. DH offered to send the dad an email and "be the bad guy" as he feels as strong as me but also notes me concerns about saying sth, but I think I'll leave it for a few days/until I see the mum. In the meantime no more sleepovers, and reinforcing that DS is not to play those sorts of games.

But thank you so much. I really appreciate all the replies.

[merrymouse]

No YANBU. I think it is twatish, and stupid to let 11 year olds play 18 films anyway, but it is completely wrong to allow a visiting child to do anything like this without getting approval from parents. Equally even though I might be fine with my 8 year old seeing a particular 12 film I wouldn't make that decision for somebody else's child.

Film and video ratings are there for a reason.

[exmrs]

I have no respect for parents who allow their kids to play 18 games when they are way below the age limit.

Where I used to live there was communal gardens where my then 6 year old would play on the gardens with other kids. There was a 6 year old who was allowed to play GTA and would say inappropriate things to my son and my son would ask what things meant. This boy then began to hang around with teenagers 14 plus and could hold his own and was streetwise way beyond his years and I know where this kid is going to end up and I honestly put it down to what he is allowed to watch or play.

My son felt he didn't fit in as all the kids were talking about games he couldn't play or even heard of and I hate how it's becoming more common for children to grow up too quickly by parents thinking it's cool to get the latest game

[lemonpuffbiscuit]

I probably would wait for the next visit and in passing request that they don't let him play any 18's,

[LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance]

It's really important to give them the words to say in these situations. I told mine to ask for the loo so they could leave the room, find an adult and just tell them that their parents don't allow them to play games or watch films that are over their age without talking about it first. On the occasions where they needed to do this it was always dealt with discretely by the adult.

[LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance]

Discreetly

[lemonpuffbiscuit]

Lets - I agree with helping them find the words. If they ask if he wants to play he could always say that he doesn't enjoy those type of games and prefers more interesting problem solving games

[Espii]

YANBU. However I was playing 15 games at the age of 6, however they were fantasy games with unrealistic gore. DM hated it but Dad didn't mind. I think it all depends. it depends greatly on how mature your DCs are.
If you don't like it, say something, but it's not like they will change their rules, they're probably laid back like my parents. I've been watching horror films since I was about 10 And i'm completely fine mentally, i've never gone and copied these things, if I got scared at them which I never did, my mum would just say "Oh espi, it's just a game!"
Just don't let him go again if you don't like it! simple! but parents are different. if i were to let my DCs play age "innapropriate" games, I'd make sure they were mature enough to know whats happening. It's not like they're playing GTA, i wouldn't want to explain drugs & prostitution to a little boy. They're playing COD, which is all about teamwork.

[sangfreude]

Yanbu.

[Davsmum]

I am surprised how many parents just ignore the age thing on Games & films. Parents who worry about their kids playing out and about stranger danger and god knows what else... and yet they don't have any concern about the effect of these games on an immature mind.
I think it is up to a parent to know enough about the family where their child goes to a sleepover before they agree to them going!
If you don't ask or find out then you can only blame yourself.

[pbwer]

I'm a gamer and I would never let a child play a game ( or watch a film for that matter) which was rated above their current age. It's completely inappropriate and is the reason why 18+ games are constantly berated for their content.

[pbwer]

espii

and shooting each other through the face. :S

[merrymouse]

If you don't ask or find out then you can only blame yourself.

I think that's a bit unfair.

I would be quite offended if somebody checked that I wasn't going to let their 11 year old play COD. Sometimes that kind of thing will come up in conversation in a fairly natural way, but you can't really go through a 'potential rubbish, lazy, neglectful parenting decisions you might make' list before you drop your child off.

[pinkie1982]

Obviously thats what happens in their house. Like my niece who is 6 has GTA4 on her iPad

[LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance]

I'd far rather run the risk of offending you merrymouse than risk my kids being exposed to that kind of stuff. There are ways and means of handling the conversation and my kids' wellbeing would always be my priority anyway