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AIBU?

not to contribute to teacher's Christmas collection?

68 replies

Soapysuds64 · 01/09/2014 16:12

Been back at school 3 weeks now, and class rep has sent around an email (in 'festive colours') asking for money for teacher's collection at Christmas. Suggested amount is £20 each, to make a total of £280 (14 kids - private school). This is all new to me - at previous school we would all shove a fiver in and/or make a token gift. Please tell me IANBU to contribute? Anyone else been asked to contribute this kind of amount before? I don't want to rock the boat, but it doesn't sit right with me.

OP posts:

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MissMilbanke · 02/09/2014 22:56

My 3 kids are at private schools and I have never contributed more than £5

£20 ? Eek

If you are not comfortable with the arrangement then don't do it. Tell the class rep in a cheery voice ' gosh how organised you are - thank you for asking me but I would like to get/make something myself this time' then either do or don't as you see fit.

StackladysMorphicResonator · 02/09/2014 22:50

SuperWifeANDMum Clearly this is the only way.

Great NN, by the way.

Soapysuds64 · 02/09/2014 22:46

thanks again for the comments - it's interesting that some people have come across this/think it is acceptable, but most don't. I think it is the idea of a forced donation for such a large amount that bothers me. And she earns waaaaay more than me and I am already shelling out ££££££ on school fees. Still can't decide what to do......

OP posts:

Scholes34 · 02/09/2014 22:08

Hasn't the class rep considered that the teacher might really, really like chocolate?

Numanoid · 02/09/2014 17:00

That's far too much, and specifying an amount is rude. Is it for one teacher, or all of them?

In the teacher's situation, a gift of that amount may be embarrassing. Surely a token gift or card would be enough?

Applefallingfromthetree2 · 02/09/2014 16:51

DrElizabeth -great idea about a class charity in lieu of a gift to the teacher. Would everyone give £20 then do you think, or as it's a private school would they give hundreds?
Just asking!

DrElizabethPlimpton · 02/09/2014 11:09

Luckily when my son was at school, this wasn't a big thing.

It seems that teachers are generally very uncomfortable about the whole gift situation and I don't blame them. Would a class charity be a better solution and donations, in lieu of gifts, could be made?

WipsGlitter · 02/09/2014 11:06

We did this for the end of term present and loads of parents were happy to do it and thanked me and the other mum who organised it!

We always gave the teacher a present at prep school so I wasn't surprised to do it again.

Although it is very early to be organising it!

mollypup · 02/09/2014 11:04

£20 each for a teacher's christmas present is bloody ridiculous! Why not each just get them a token/handmade/thoughtful gift instead of throwing money at them.

HolidayPackingIsHardWork · 02/09/2014 09:55

YANBU, but you may find it would just be easier to pay the £20 now and forget about it. If you don't, you will have to stand apart and choose and wrap a gift which will stand on it's own, in juxtaposition to the class gift. I think it is more convenient to take care of it now before the Xmas crush and more comfortable to be in with the crowd.

DogCalledRudis · 02/09/2014 09:50

I wonder what would happen if you refused to contribute...

Peppa87 · 02/09/2014 09:32

Plenty of people who do an amazing or grubby or difficult or low paid etc etc etc job aren't eligible for bonuses or rises, its life!

Nothing wrong with small inexpensive gifts for somebody you are particularly fond of or who has gone the extra mile. Something handmade or personal even, but hundreds of pounds of vouchers is utter madness.

If somebody wants to spend a larger amount individually that is their choice, but a huge group collection where some might feel pressurised or simply not want to contribute is daft.

Delphiniumsblue · 02/09/2014 06:59

Can't think why they are thinking about it before December anyway!

Delphiniumsblue · 02/09/2014 06:58

While I think it is lovely to give a gift, and always have done, I have never paid that amount. Being new is a good opportunity just to say that you prefer to do your own thing.

Surfsup1 · 02/09/2014 06:06

I just don't get the whole teacher gift thing, as wonderful a job they do, they are just doing the job they are paid to do! Why is showering them with gifts necessary?

I agree Koala. I gave a gift to my cleaner, to my fitness instructor and to babysitter. I think most people acknowledge that teachers are generally underpaid and if you've got a good one it's just nice to let them know you appreciate their efforts.
I've never had a job where I didn't get given a Christmas gift!

KoalaDownUnder · 02/09/2014 05:33

I just don't get the whole teacher gift thing, as wonderful a job they do, they are just doing the job they are paid to do! Why is showering them with gifts necessary?

Lots of people who are 'just doing the job they are paid to do' get given extra tokens of appreciation at Christmas. I gave a nice box of chocolates to my dad's physio last year, because she had a lovely manner and made things better for him when he was going through a hard time.

I think it's normal and nice to give something to someone who puts in extra effort during the year for your child; especially teachers, who don't get a huge salary in the first place. It would be a shame for the OTT requests for money to sour people on doing it at all.

PinkLemons · 02/09/2014 05:28

I was the class rep at my dd's school last year. We are at a private school abroad. I hadn't even considered a collection for Christmas until a parent asked if we were doing one. It's a Muslim country with a mix of cultures and religions. I sent out an email telling parents it was voluntary. Some parents put in the equivalent of £30 and others between £5-£10. I felt really uncomfortable when some asked how much to contribute! Some also declined and gave a personal gift.

I was more organised for the end if year and sent out a message much earlier. Again, I made it clear it was voluntary and the gift would be from the whole class regardless of whether they contributed. I was stunned by how much some people put in!

YANBU - firstly, it's rude to state how much and secondly, it's only September!

EugenesAxe · 02/09/2014 05:12

My best friend taught in a private school and absolutely revelled in her £100 of department store gift vouchers, beauty treatment , or whatever it was.

Also all teachers get paid the same and as far as I'm aware, there's no chance of a bonus, unlike in the private sector. I think if you've particularly valued the work a teacher has done you should be allowed to show your gratitude this way.

That said (just giving another perspective) I think it's too early, and I think if you wanted to give less you shouldn't be pressured.

Surfsup1 · 02/09/2014 03:27

OP I assume the idea is to buy a nice gift rather than have the teacher receive endless boxes of chocolates?
Twenty quid does seem rather a lot, but at a private school I'm not surprised. My children are at a state primary school, but in a very wealthy area and lots of parents contribute pretty generously to the collection for an end of year gift (it's never given as cash though).

Surfsup1 · 02/09/2014 03:24

Cherriesandapples what is unethical about accepting a gift?

Peppa87 · 02/09/2014 02:35

Absolutely bloody stupid!

I just don't get the whole teacher gift thing, as wonderful a job they do, they are just doing the job they are paid to do! Why is showering them with gifts necessary?

A small token gift if the DC pesters to do it, fine, but hundreds of pounds worth, utter nonsense.

Yanbu atall!

Scholes34 · 01/09/2014 22:19

Say you'll only contribute if they promise to spend the lot on chocolates!

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LuluJakey1 · 01/09/2014 22:18

Money or tokens would be considered inappropriate anyway- but they don't happen.

LuluJakey1 · 01/09/2014 22:16

I work in a state secondary school. Our staff are not allowed to accept wine from children, it isn't appropriate. Cards are lovely and appreciated and the odd box of chocolates or bunch of flowers or mug appears but we actively discourage anything else. Our children come from poor backgrounds. A thank you is enough.

listsandbudgets · 01/09/2014 22:07

YANBU.

We vary how much we spend on teachers and try to make it a personal gift they may like to have. Last year DD discovered her teacher really wanted to go and see a partiuclar film so we bought her cinema vouchers (£15 iirc so she could take a friend). The previous year dd insisted on buying water purification tablets and a small first aid kit as she knew her teacher was going to rural Africa to teach over the summer. Both times we received lovely personal thank you notes from her teachers.

I know nothing about this years teacher will have to wait to see what DD decides her hobbies are

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